As a 37-year-old single woman, however, I am not confident everyone will be as understanding of my decision as my friend. Tabloid newspapers talk about selfish Bridget Jones types putting their eggs on ice so they can carry on partying until the last gasp before the menopause. My own circumstances are nothing like that; nor are those of the other single women I know who are in their thirties and yearning for babies. We are not selfish, we are not out partying at the expense of our personal lives — we are out, not at home, looking for an adorable husband and potential father.
I have an enviable job in the film industry and earn a generous salary, I would give it all up like a shot to start a family. I want the fairy-tale version — a lovely husband, a house in the country and a kitchen filled with delicious home-cooking smells. This is the kind of home that my mother provided for me and my siblings, as did my grandmother for her. I was raised to expect this for myself, but my generation of women was also among the first to have the luxury of a career as well. Careers were what our mothers fought for, and that is what took priority for us. Would I do things differently now? Maybe.
When I was in my twenties, I moved through three four-year relationships in succession. None of these men was Mr Right. Then, when I was 30, two months into a new relationship with an unsuitable man — a philandering idiot — I became pregnant. Although I am morally opposed to abortion, I thought it would be a disaster to go through with the pregnancy, because I knew I didn’t want to stay with the father. Had I known then that I would still be childless six years on, I would have had the baby. Back then, though, I thought I still had all the time in the world to meet the right person and settle down.
I have now made the decision to go ahead and see a doctor. However, I know that there are no guarantees. Only 300 “ice babies” have been delivered worldwide, and the procedure is still in the pioneering stage. The first thing I need to do is undergo a fertility MOT. Recently, my hormones have felt out of whack and my cycle has gone haywire. I’m hoping everything will be fine, but I also have to be prepared for the doctor to say to me: “Actually, there’s no point in you doing this, because your eggs are not worth saving.”
I don’t have any concerns about the actual procedure of having my eggs removed. I’ve heard that it can be a bit painful, but that doesn’t worry me. Nor do I have any moral or ethical concerns. Why shouldn’t I choose what to do with my own body? It is perfectly acceptable for people to go under the knife for a face-lift, so why is this any different? It also annoys me that people demonise single women for being proactive about their fertility. Nobody raises any moral objections to couples having IVF, which is a similar procedure. Nobody tells them they are selfish. And it’s not as if I deliberately put motherhood on the back burner to be a clichéd alpha-female career girl.
As well as increasing my chances of becoming a mother, freezing my eggs reduces the pressure on new relationships. At the moment, if I met a new man, I would feel the need to raise the issue of children within the first couple of months. If he told me he wasn’t up for that, well, there would be no point in going on. By taking control of my future fertility, I’m setting up an insurance policy; it will give me peace of mind and allow me to get to know a man instead of rushing into a relationship for the sake of a baby. Also, if I don’t meet anyone, it means I can still explore other options. In eight years’ time, when I’m 44, I could decide to have a child with a trusted male friend. If I don’t freeze my eggs, having a baby will probably be impossible.
It astounds me that people who know nothing about women like me can make assumptions about my life. Plenty of people out there who don’t know me suspect that the reason I don’t have children is because I don’t like them. Financially, freezing eggs is a difficult decision. Clinics charge several thousand pounds, and extra for storage. Is it a waste of money? I don’t think so. I can afford it — and, to me, a baby is priceless.
People talk about the moral and ethical issues of egg freezing, but nobody mentions that when a desperately sad woman goes out, gets drunk and sleeps with the first man who comes along in the hope of getting pregnant.
What right does someone have to tell another person what they can and can’t have? Just because I can’t find a suitable other half with whom to start a family just now, does that mean I should be denied that right in the future?
Sarah James was talking to Anita Chaudhuri. Her name has been changed
EGG FREEZING: WHAT THE EXPERTS SAY
“Egg freezing is ideally suited to women who are single and have not yet met Mr Right, or who are involved in developing their careers,” says Dr Gillian Lockwood, medical director of Midlands Fertility Services, which is offering a pioneering treatment. “The quality of a woman’s eggs deteriorates with age, so it makes sense
to preserve them while they are still healthy. By opting for egg freezing, a woman can make a more informed choice about her career and the father of her children in the knowledge that she is not having to rush into a life decision because she is worried about running out of time. However, it is important to stress that there are no guarantees.”
The treatment
At the first consultation, a woman will have ovarian reserve testing, which establishes the age of her ovaries — this can be five years older or younger than her real age, and it indicates whether egg freezing is an option. If she goes ahead with the procedure, it is the same as for IVF, but instead of the eggs being fertilised and the embryos transferred for freezing, the eggs are frozen. In the early days, in the 1980s, the success rate was only 2%, as opposed to about 25% now. This was partly due to problems with freezing — eggs are susceptible to the formation of ice crystals, which can damage them when they thaw. Technology has overcome this.
The cost
Midlands Fertility Services charges £2,000, plus £100 per year for storage. Eggs can be stored for up to 10 years.
Pros
Older women have a higher risk of miscarriage and foetal abnormality, but the risk is carried in the eggs, so freezing eggs reduces the risk.
Cons
The success rate is still just 34%, and it is too soon for the full medical implications for “ice babies” to be known.
Further information: www.midlandfertility.com
