“I’m off to St Moritz, you know.” Oh, what fun to drop that morsel into the conversation. Friends eyed me suspiciously, but no, I’d not won the lottery, become a film star or shackled myself to a rich ski bum. It’s just that in summer rates plummet at the five-star Kempinski Grand Hotel des Bains.

Who would pass up the chance to savour a posh pamper break and limitless high-octane Alpine activities? Not I.

Lavish treatments and some of the world’s most select product lines are the draw at the St Moritz Spa, a labyrinthine complex in the hotel. After peeping into the pool, fitness centre and plush changing rooms, I got lost and had to be escorted to the “Textile-free zone”. The sign outside the mixed sauna area wasn’t so much a suggestion as an imperative to strip off (yikes! and even with blokes about).

Thank heavens for the ladies-only area. I slid butt-naked into the aroma grotto, a scented Tardis-like chamber with a giant crystal in it, and tried to relax before my Alpienne Relax treatment.

Karin, my therapist, was a dream. Soothing, assured manner? Check. Firm, clever hands? Check. Experience? She has a decade’s worth. The treatment included a foot massage with arnica milk in a candle-lit boudoir, then a soak in a “Honey-Swiss stone pine bath”' (more stoic disrobing.) After pouring in aromatic honey and pine oils, Karin disappeared and I was left to loofah myself with the bits of orange shavings that bobbed about. The stone pine is something of a miracle tree; prolonged whiffs of the bark are thought to slow down your heartbeat and boost circulation.

Nicely woozy, I was primed for my back massage with the Oil of Life, aka marmot oil (from an Alpine rodent), a local cure for aching muscles, rheumatism and skin complaints. Seems that the Alps are overrun with the critters. Every autumn a number are culled and the oil is extracted and bottled. Whatever qualms I had (none, actually) melted away under Karin’s expert ministrations. This was a proper, medicinal pummelling and bliss to my knotty shoulders and stiff spine.

Twenty-four hours later, after an insanely fun day in which I hurtled down the mountainside on a trottinette — sounds like a fancy way with pork but it’s an off-road scooter — got to grips with Nordic walking and cycled around not one but two clear blue lakes, I arrived panting at the spa doors.

This time I tried the Alpienne Sport Vital treatment. The highlight is the herbal stamps, cabbagey compresses of camomile, arnica and marigold herbs that made my creaky limbs vibrate with pleasure.

“Your skin is dehydrated,” said Melanie, the facial therapist, examining my pores under a fluorescent lamp when I wobbled in the next morning. I had opted for the Valmont Vitality of the Glaciers facial because it sounded rather like a Wagner melody and because local glacier water is a much trumpeted ingredient of the product line. The collagen mask was powerful and I left the table with sinuses clear, lines noticeably diminished and none of that nasty post-facial blotchiness. A week on, I still can’t stop stroking my smooth, rich-person skin. No wonder the Swiss look so healthy.

The St Moritz Spa, Kempinski Grand Hoteldes Bains, St Moritz, Switzerland, 00-41-81 8383838; www.kempinski-stmoritz.ch

Quality of experience Classy product lines and treatments, assured therapists. Fitness classes are free to guests and there’s a medical centre, with a team of doctors. Beyond the hotel, you can participate in adventure sports, golf or hiking.

Ambience The spa is a cross between clinical and cosy, with soothing music. There is no tedious formality or dress code.

Food Ostrich steak, lavender crème brûléein Les Saisons, one of the hotel’s three restaurants.

In crowd Affluent Europeans who view pampering as a necessity, off-duty tycoons, discreet glamour-pusses and athletes such as the tennis champion Roger Federer. Liz Hurley has visited the spa.

Wallet watch Treatments start at about £30 for a 25-minute Breuss back massage to £130 for the 110-minute Vitality of the Glaciers facial. BA Holidays currently offers three nights in St Moritz from £397 a person, including return flights from Gatwick or Heathrow to Zurich, plus three nights at the Kempinski, half-board. Spa treatments and activities are extra. For more details visit www.ba.com.

Need to know A second-class return train ticket from Zurich airport to St Moritz costs about £62. To book, www.swisstravelsystem.ch. Alternatively, the Kempinski Grand Hotel Les Bains offers a four-night wellness package, available until October 18, for £565 per person. It includes half-board and three days of spa treatments.