The kitchen or dining-room table used to be the hub of family life, and for some families it is still the place where everyone assembles at the end of the day to swap news, share jokes and bicker a little. It is where children learn to be sociable, to discuss rather than argue.

Furthermore, when families observe regular mealtimes, children are less likely to snack between meals and obesity is less likely to develop. But, although we all know that sitting down as a family is good and grazing on the hoof or eating slumped in front of TV is bad, the rules we make are often more honoured in the breach than the observance.

How can we do better? We can start by letting everyone know that saying they’ll miss their favourite TV show is a feeble excuse for not sitting down together at teatime or for supper. Most households are equipped to record programmes for later viewing.

In Mr and Mrs Perfect’s house, family meals go like this: each child has his own task — laying the table, peeling the spuds, washing the lettuce, serving the food, filling the dishwasher. They even wash their hands without being asked. But real life is different.

Mealtimes are dictated by everyone’s programme at work or school. One child has to eat early and rush out to football practice, another gets in late from orchestra, and mum is even later because she had a meeting in Liverpool and the train was late. Another child is bolshie about appearing for supper because she has a really heavy homework load.

Breakfast can be chaotic but at least everyone shows up for it at roughly the same time. The chances of a calm start to the day are enhanced if clothes are laid out and school kit assembled, the breakfast table laid and lunch boxes prepared the night before. It seems like a pain when you’re tired at the end of the day, but it pays off.

If there’s no hope of getting teenagers to stay in for the evening, at least make Sunday lunch sacred. Everyone has time to get involved in preparing and cooking the food, and grandparents and other members of the extended family can join in if they live near enough.

Jane's new book The Good Granny Diary 2007 (Short Books, £12.99) is available at £11.69: 0870 1608080, www.timesonline.co.uk/booksfirstbuy

The good granny's advice

• Introduce children from an early age to a routine in which you all eat together and they help to cook the meal — and make sure it is fun for them.
• If supper has to be late, fill the hungry gap with a healthy snack when children get home from school.
• Make sure that children have time for breakfast; be ruthless about turfing them out of bed.
• Avoid dishing out pocket money to spend on junk food on the way to school.
• Be realistic: set rules that are observable.