Most of us live our lives as if the bottom is falling out. We’re stretched for time. We’re rushing around. We’re overworked and overwrought. I know what I’m talking about; I’ve lived it. In tennis, those of us who reach the quarters and semis often have barely enough time to practise, rest, travel, eat, sleep and play. In short, we’re fatigued and stressed out.
Stress comes in many guises and disguises. It’s a tiny word used in almost every field imaginable, from medicine to engineering to business, and let’s not forget sport. For my purpose, though, the dictionary definition is perfect: “The mental, emotional or physical strain caused by anxiety, pressure, constant worry and nervous tension.”
Unless you deal with it, the stress of living a hectic life can keep growing and growing, leading to a build-up of stress hormones that begins to interfere with the body’s natural healing ability. Some of the cumulative effects of ongoing stress are fatigue, sleep problems and poor health. Over time, a high level of stress can weaken tendons and ligaments, thin bones, cause muscle spasms, elevate blood pressure, increase cholesterol and disrupt digestion, among many other negative effects.
Like a lot of people, I used to have a lot of stress because I couldn’t say no. I wanted to please everybody. Now I’m better at saying no because I know what my limits are. At other times in my life, I was under strain because I hadn’t learnt the value of delegating responsibilities. There’s no shame in asking somebody to help you. My advice? Let them know what’s going on so they understand what you’re dealing with.
No one is exempt from the tentacles of stress. I’ll share with you one more example, something personal that hit me hard. I’m sure you’ll be able to relate because it deals with a break-up between two people, a love affair that went down the drain. It was a relationship in which someone used my affections to hold on to a certain lifestyle. That cut deep. I can’t tell you the amount of stress I experienced during that time.
Every morning I woke up wondering how the day would end. The effect it had on my game and health, along with the emotional rollercoaster I was experiencing, was almost suffocating. I couldn’t eat, sleep or even talk at times. I had bad dreams. I was a basket case. To me, it was the hardest lesson in how to deal with stress.
How did I overcome it? It wasn’t easy but it happened after a wise woman suggested that I turn my self-pity from a negative force into a positive one. She taught me how to examine a situation and break it down into workable parts so that I didn’t feel overwhelmed.
Basically, you make a plan, enlist the right people for support and then move forward; slowly at first but forward nevertheless. You get some perspective, too. Sometimes we turn everything into an end-of-the-world scenario, making a mountain out of a molehill, or we worry about things over which we have no control. It’s better to get a realistic grip on the situation and ask yourself: “How much difference will this situation make in my life a year from now? Will I even remember it? What’s the worst thing that could happen? How likely is that to occur?” When you dissect a situation and put a rational spin on it, you minimise the effect stress has on you.
Someone who had great wisdom about how to channel stress was Billie Jean King. She used to say: “Champions adjust to the situation. And they keep playing until they get it right.” You could see it in her game, too. Right in the middle of a match, she would totally change it. If she made a mistake or failed to play up to her potential, she’d make the necessary adjustments and move on.
If something isn’t going your way, go a different way. You may have to do less and do it well rather than try to do it all and not do anything well. I know it's a cliché, but don’t try to fit a square peg into a round hole. Adjust. Either invent a new way to do it or find the round peg! Let’s say you pledged to jog ten miles a week but last week you jogged only three, and you haven’t even hit the pavement this week. You may need to adjust by revising your goal downward. Too often people stop dead in their tracks because they didn’t meet the original goals they set for themselves. Don’t stress over it. Your best bet is to switch to plan B — a more realistic goal — and do it. For example, if your goal to jog ten miles a week isn’t working, maybe you need to change your goal to five miles a week or try a different activity that’s easier. Goals are not set in stone; they can be changed.
I’ve often found, too, that very few people are happy with where they are in life or what they have. Most are postponing happiness. You’ve heard people say: “I’ll be happy when I get a job . . . When I get out of college . . . When I get married . . . When I have kids . . .” What about right now? Once you decide that today is a good place to be, you’ll begin to appreciate and take advantage of everything you have.
Though I’ve let stress get the better of me more often than I care to admit, someone whose memory keeps me going every day is my grandmother, Grandma Subertova. She was the voice of approval that I still hear in the back of my mind, the person who loved me whether or not I had a good day at the tennis courts or finished my homework or tidied my room.
She just loved me and encouraged me to enjoy life. There is so much to be learnt from those whose experience is greater than ours. Think about it. If you wanted to learn how to paint, you’d take lessons from an artist. If you wanted to learn how to speak another language, you’d take a class from a language teacher. If you wanted to learn how to play tennis, you’d go to a tennis coach. Some of the best lessons you can learn about life come from those who have lived long lives, such as your grandparents or the grandparents of friends.
Another grandmother — the grandma of a very close friend — taught me a treasured lesson about life. When Grandma Layton was a little girl, she used to hate to travel because the family had so much luggage to transport on the train. There were so many suitcases that a porter had to lug all of them. That’s how they travelled in those days.
Later in life, after she grew up, Grandma Layton still travelled but there was a difference. All she took with her was a small overnight bag. On one trip, she ran into a conductor who had known her when she was a little girl travelling with her family. Surprised, he said: “Where’s all your luggage? You carry so little!” “In my travels and in my life,” she told him.
You see, she left it all behind, emotional baggage and otherwise. What about you? Have you packed too much emotional luggage? How much do you really need? Is there stuff you can discard, that isn’t really necessary? It’s up to you what your baggage is — you pack it.
Whenever I feel the walls closing in on me, I know my life’s too crowded with unnecessary stuff, whether it’s relationship problems, business issues, tennis, family or politics. I can do only so much; and I can handle only so much. I start paring down what I can. I start unpacking my emotional luggage and travelling light. Suddenly,the stress isn’t there any more and I begin to feel so much better.
Martina's top stress-busting tips
This is extracted from Shape Your Life (TimeWarner Books, £15.99), which is available at £14.39: 0870 1608080; www.timesonline.co.uk/booksfirstbuy
