As I am an avid connoisseur of male beauty, it has surprised some of my
friends that the great love of my life has turned out to be curvaceous – at
least as curvaceous as me. That’s not to say that he isn’t handsome – he is
– but he is probably about 2st (12kg) to 3st above svelte. He boasts an
undulating belly and resembles a somewhat overripe rugby full back.
Like a Paddington Bear with dangly bits, he seems to take a huge (and
enviable) delight in striding around the bedroom naked, admiring himself in
the mirror. You have to love him for it, and I do: I admire him for his
immunity to the increasing coercion of men to downsize, lose wrinkles, gain
height, lose hair (in some areas) and grow hair (in others) now applied by
the cosmetics and advertising industries.
So many guys, though, seem to be succumbing: from the City boys (witness the
latest aftershave ads) to the Oi boys; even that once-rustic breed, the
footballer, now aspires to the fatless, hairless, allure-free aesthetic.
What has happened to the sturdy-thighed, big-bellied British foot-soldier
running alongside Boadicea’s chariot, naked, woad-coated and stout, who
struck fear into the effeminate (and no doubt svelte) Romans? As a Chelsea
fan, I note that at least a few are lurking down the Shed end. But they
idolise Frank Lampard, a man who waxes his armpits.
Sailing obliviously through these psychologically choppy waters is my man,
who, like a lot of northern Europeans, is naturally rotund, with a very low
metabolism. He has evolved to survive the Russian steppes and the high winds
swooping over the Holborn Viaduct, not the pencil-thin trousers of Alexander
McQueen. He revels in his wine, his chocolate and his cheese – and he loves
his shape. All of which has compelled me to come to grips (so to speak) with
the more voluptuous male.
Many of my former partners were svelte, conventionally gorgeous, some
positively skinny. My man’s comfort in his own skin proved resistant to my
initial efforts to get him into the gym. What started as an ambivalent
discourse with my sweetheart’s bulk (fantasies of liberating his inner
“thin” self) has become a strong appreciation of the corpulent male. There’s
even a name for my condition: FFA (Female Fat Admirer).
My eye has changed when I now contemplate the current ideal of male beauty
that is thrown at us innocent, but equally voyeuristic, women from the
billboards. The hollowed cheeks, thin flanks, bony hands and knees that once
said edgy, dangerous, a challenge to seduce and illicit in bed, now says
undernourished, undersexed, uncomfortable, narcissistic (narcissists are
lousy lovers) and probably a closet smoker. The airbrushed, injected
beefcake as opposite to the languid, rake-thin model doesn’t cut it any
more, either. I would not want to spend time with someone who invests more
in beauty products than I do; it also suggests more time invested in brawn
than brain. I suspect that for most women sexual attractiveness lies between
the ears and in not the pecs – anthropologically, we are the less visually
driven gender.
There is something comforting about being with a man who has heavier thighs
than I do, considerable love handles and breasts only marginally smaller
than mine. I feel that there is less pressure to conform to a size-zero
stereotype. His confidence in his body shape has made my attitude to my own
more tolerant and empathetic towards natural female hormonal seesawing of
size.
Years ago, a well-travelled male friend compared making love to a voluptuous
woman rather than a skinnier one as the difference between driving a
comfortable family sedan and driving a hard-seated sports car built for a
quick spin. At the time my inner feminist was appalled. Now, though, I know
precisely what he was talking about. Enjoying a plump lover for the first
time is like collapsing on to a well-upholstered sofa after a lifetime spent
thrashing around on a deflated air mattress. There’s also something
inherently primal and womanly about having weight on top of you, to the side
of you and under you.
Then there is the power factor. Take our distant cousin the gorilla: the male
is often twice the size of the female, his girth and bulk (and glistening
grey hair) all play a part in attracting females, but also in fighting off
smaller and younger (read slimmer) males from whisking away one of his
harem. Perhaps my promiscuous hunter days are over but, whatever the reason,
this economically independent female is happy to lie down with the ambling
heavier silverbacked alpha male (minus harem), who can encompass me with his
generous dimensions as well as being able to dismiss the occasional lovelorn
skinny beta male with one flick of his intellect. More importantly, the
cuddle factor is huge.
I’m convinced that we unconsciously think of powerful men as being physically
substantial, too – like the classic image of the Victorian male, paunch
protruding from under a waistcoat, thick tree-like legs planted solidly on
the ground, hands held behind the back: John Bull. I think of the solidity
of Donald Trump, the formerly weightier (and sexier) manifestation of Bill
Clinton and Charles Saatchi (Nigella’s husband): all sexy, sophisticated
guys (OK, maybe not Trump, but he has charisma). Physiques such as these
suggest a jovial comfortableness, the confidence of a man secure in his own
skin, and an expanding hedonism as well as defiant sensuality. Whether you
agree or not, I suspect that the association of girth with status might be
genetically hardwired in us all – and despite the blandishments of Men’s
Health magazine and others to idolise the six-pack, the female of the
species is deeply susceptible to such wiring.
Think of some of the great womanisers. Napoleon had a paunch, and Casanova,
although tall, looked as if he suffered a little middle-age spread without
compromising his rutting. Alternatively, we might be looking for Papa – that
comfortable male bosom to snuggle up against. Take the late Barry White, a
great gravel-voiced tent of a man. I once heard an interview with him in
which he was talking about the number of fans who had written to him
claiming that they had been conceived to his songs. That’s sex appeal for
you. There’s something about a deep voice that shoots right down to the
proverbial female loins.
Fat guys are often funny and, as every bloke knows, humour is one of the most
effective ways of wooing. I suspect that the less conventionally handsome
males are driven to develop other seduction strategies, and humour is right
up there in the Top Ten.
Then there’s Gérard Depardieu, defiantly fat and very, very sexy. He embodies
hedonism, a kind of joyful, Dionysian indulgence of the senses, and this
implies a bedroom expertise that has sent many female moviegoers a-quiver.
After all, he’s a recognised connoisseur in food and wine, and the third
arena of sensuality is a natural follow-on, n’est-ce pas?
Speaking of divine men, Zeus had some solidity to him, and in some depictions
of Krishna, the god is a little on the curvy side. That attractive trait,
happiness, has always been associated with corpulence; think of Father
Christmas (not that he’s on my erotic hitlist), jolly Morris dancers and
Laurel and Hardy – well, Olly at least.
Interestingly, rotund men are less likely than thin ones to commit suicide –
so either eating what you like makes you happy, or unhappiness makes you
thin, take your pick. So go forth, sisters, embrace the circumference, hug
the bear. You may find that Prince Charming is a little heavier than
Cinderella imagined.
Tobsha Learner’s novel Quiver is published by Penguin
Shakespeare wrote "Never trust a skinny man - they are always hungry". No indeed (divorced stick man). I am reformed - now with a sizable real man who literally sweeps me off of my feet & treats me as his little princess. He has my utter & undying devotion. Mmmmm - enchanted, enraptured, entranced!
Chrissa, Toronto, Canada
Yes, I love to read that some British women also appreciate a full-figured man. Here in Bavaria, I was told by a local man that Bavarian women find a man with a "Beer-Belly" to be beautiful. I also was told that "a man without a belly is a cripple". Enjoy the wonderful beers and sausages of Bavaria!
Daniel Voglesong, Breitenbrunn Bavaria, Germany
I'm thrilled to read this! As a 21 year old who is currently struggling to embrace my own love of larger men, it's a comfort to read an intelligent article that isn't about a fetish, but a "preference." I'm almost ready to find myself a good, large man AND free myself from the pressure to be a twig
Caitlin, MN, USA
As a skinny, I'm not concerned. If, with a good dosage of luck, you manage to have kids, it would take a further miracle to successfully raise them up - provided you live that long of course. Women going for the "big man" as a long term option is ill advised, especially when kids are concerned.
Howard, Manchester,
overly fat (yes, fat, not muscle) or underweight- neither are healthy conditions. ' I'm overweight but I'm fit'..'.I'm anorexic but I swim every day'- get real! Humans need to store some fat but this is not the stone age- neither women nor men need paunches to sustain them through the harsh winters
Dee, London, England
I am a 32 year old man and I am 325lbs. I am in no way unfit. I run twice a week and play active sports with men LITERALLY half my age and weight. When I was thin women were easy to attract. Now I am ridiculed. I would never discriminate against a big girl. Yet is is openly accepted to do so to me.
Trent, Mililani, Hawaii, Oahu, USA
I'm mid-40s, and I've met a man of girth in his mid 20s who absolutely makes my toes curl! If a large man has the confidence to accompany his size, he exists to provide and accept pleasure. Ladies, enjoy!
Large Lady in Georgia
Beth, Athens, USA
Every man should be proud of his beer belly!
Jackson, London,
I am a 24 yr old male. I would say that they're are plenty of 'sleeping w/ fat girls is fabulous' articles and ideology in my generation. In fact this generation of women is what makes us succumb to fads and metrosexualism, they tell us to our face, in the workplace, whereever that we are not good enough. They make us hate ourselves...just like men have done to women for hundreads of years. However women are taking it too far, I have seen downright ugly and attrocious women rating and complaining about the men in the workplace or fat girls standing around saying, 'theres no cute guys around here'. What is w/ the diva complex? I am decently handsome and stay in shape, however I have faced a climate in this generation of women that is favorable to nothing except male perfection. Why do young women feel that we must be perfect, but they do not. You are not perfect ladies and many of us accept that...and love you for your imperfections...the younger women need to get real.
Bill, Cincinnati, OH
I agree that we should not just judge by appearance the man I am dating is large but I would be a liar if I said that he big stomach doesn't gross me out. It is a health issue as well, I can hear him breathing when he sits next to me as your lung and other organs get squished by all of the fat. He also admits that he has shortness of breath due to his weight When I see him pick up three brownies and eat them I wonder how he cannot care at all about his weight or how he looks. I think the bottom line is that it is truly very unhealthy to be this large and the health consequences can be devastating.
Chelsey, White Plains, New York
Personally we all have your preferred types. I'm not in the least bit attracted to fat men - I admit, I find such physiques gross. Its not my ideal!
Modelspice, London, UK
where is the article on "sleeping with fat woman is fabulous?"
Men talk about how they want fit women, which is just a euphamism for porn starlet, and yet they themselves are freaking whales.
Kalia, Chicago, IL
I love my cuddlebear. He's bigger in a lot of ways...bigger brain, bigger heart, bigger sense of humour and bigger...well, you know. My big man rocks my world.
anna, chicago, USA/IL
Sounds like Laura from London and Edward from Washington should get together...
btw, I feel physically queasy looking at the photo at the top.
Helen E., London, UK
Yeah, I thought it was funny that Daniels appeared on the right too. I'm a straight man, but even I find him kind of hot, hee hee.
I've always been a very athletic guy. I'm not active for the "results", I'm active because I like being active, and I've never been one for sitting around watching TV. Also, food has only ever been of secondary interest to me.
Anyway, the important thing is to remember that we are all different! It's okay to have preferences, we just need to remember that that is all they are. No one way is right or wrong. The author is lucky in that she will have a lot easier time finding a mate she finds attractive.
I'm attracted to fit girls, unfortunately, which makes life harder for me (particularly here in the States!). It's as much the lifestyle as anything. I enjoy being active, and want a girl that can keep up with me (at least a little bit, anyway).
Edward, Washington D.C., Washington D.C.
Not for me. Fat may feel "cuddly", I can understand that. But fat is also unhealthy to me, a sign of over consumption, a sign of eating more than the body needs, and that's a sign of other things. The man breast bit - wouldn't like that at all. I found it amusing as I scrolled down that Daniel Craig's physique appeared on the right. Top photo, or his photo? No contest, Daniel every time. Don't want a skinny pole, don't need the heavy muscles, but a masculine man who is naturally fit from taking care of himself and valuing his health.
Laura Roberts, London, UK
Rather a bit too big than too skinny, i say. But are there really women out there who truly find "very large breasts"in men attractive??
I'm all for that it's sexy with a strong man who yu feel can look after you. But if strong means fat as a walross, boobs bigger than mine and man that has lost his speed/flexibility/mobility because his legs are as wide as they are long - Well... Then I think I would rather go for the weak man who at least wont die prematurely because of lack of excersice and diabetes...
Jennie, Sydney, Australia
I am a big man with very large breasts. My woman loves them as have others in the past, especially the Bi and/or Bi-curious ones. I very often see women lick their lips and make jokes about them but they have that wild-eyed look of one who has just spoken a truth in jest. Of course being a naturist I am constantly surrounded by nude people of all shapes and sizes. II'm not the only fat guy on the beach, but my boobs get the lion's share of female attention, and much of it is very positive. I believe that women are basically Bi, whether they allow themselves to accept that fact or niot, they can't stifle the attraction to boobs; male or female.
Sunbare, San francisco, Ca
Here is an article commending the larger man, now on no count do i want a bean pole of a man, but i cant help but think that everyone who has rated this article should see it for what it is, an article commending the unhealthly over-weight. With the rising obesity probelm, i think we should all start thinking about maintaining a healthy BMI and start advocating a happy and healthy attitude to size and food. Then, im sure, everyones sex lives will benefit.
stevie Cooke, brighton, east sussex
I loved this article! She nailed so many points perfectly. I DON'T want a man who primps more than I do. I want someone I can hide behind. Who can carry me. I have a wonderful man who is strong and sexy and is always worried about his belly. I always tell him I his body. And I do! He's the most manly-man I've ever dated and it's been wonderful. There's something primal about bring strong arms as big as my legs and literally being swept up off your feet. I could never date a small guy now, even though I'm only 5'1" myself. I feel safe with him and the weight on top of you thing......priceless!
paisley, oklahoma city , USA
What a fantastic article!
I am madly in love with a man who would be considered overweight by doctors and other professionals alike.
He has the mickey taken out of him by his friends for his excess belly size, but I can honestly say with hand on heart that I love every sexy inch of him.
Not only is he fantastically good looking, but has the charm, humor and personality that can only be found in good story books. Skinny men and those who consider themselves with six pack physique could learn a lot from him.
I wouldnt trade him in for all the tea in China.
Oh and I am a size 10 sleak woman who appreciates the fuller figure of a man!
I say bring them on! Big is Beautiful!
Mandy, Wiltshire, UK
I think this article is very good. As a big guy myself, and only young, i find being a big guy brilliant. I think my size has contributed to having more manly features, which helps a lot with girls my age. I'm only 16 but many people gauge my age from 19 to even 24! Being fat, i have always been bullied, even from nursery age. But this has helped me a lot in some ways, i've become immune to insults, and everything bounces off me (ironic phrase there for a big guy). I'm extremely confident around the ladies, and in the bedroom. Although i havent had many sexual partners, each have been pleased, my curvy girlfriend loves my manly body, as did my ex, even though she is skinny. A lot of girls dont find campness or femininivity (if there is such a word) attractive in a guy, and i find most skinny guys put way too much effort into hair and beauty products. I find a shower and some nice aftershave is much more attractive than shaving my legs!!!
Danny, Manchester,
I have found the following site a great help finding clothes to fit www.kingsizemenswear.net. Being a big bloke i have always struggled to find fashionable clothes for my size, or any clothing really. A friend introduced me to this site which has been a great help, the customer service was amazing and delivery superb i would recommend it to anyone.
Aaron
Aaron, shrewsbury, shropshire
I always find it amazing that people have a preference for a physical type at all. Fat or thin, tall or short, muscled or skinny, it's the chemistry that's always counted with me, and not the shape of the container. That said, I have a definite preference for people who speak 'hug', and a little extra padding, and a good handful of hair has never hurt that! At least one of my exes came into the rake-like category, though, and I found him just as sexy.
Carmine, London,
All of the different opinions here are so interesting! However I think a lot of you have forgotten the beauty in freedom of choice - why criticize someone else's opinion? In any case, to those of you who insist a large man cannot possibly be a skilled lover because he isn't fit, not all women want/need a fitness machine in bed. An emotional connection, for example, doesn't require an elevated heart rate. Aside from that, some mentioned the prospects of a larger lover needing health care in the future. Fat isn't the only health problem people face day-to-day. I hear smoking is a killer, as well as tanning, sugar, alcohol, blah blah blah. So take your pick, just love well and love long. If you take the health issue to the extreme, are you going to turn down a healthy guy because the men in his family die of heart disease? Love doesn't need any explanations or excuses, nor does sexual attraction.
Just Someone, Stuttgart, Germany
The world would be a rather uninteresting place if everyone had the same body type and found the same things attractive. I am a woman who is attracted exclusively to fat men. This doesn't mean I am deviant or disgusting, nor that I think anyone with different tastes to me is so. It's good to see an issue that is very rarely discussed being written about.
MJ, Leicester,
Wow, some seriously narrow minded people in here. Pretty much backs up what the author stated.
Im 5'11" and weigh over 220+ and my girlfriend LOVES my extra cushioning on my body, When I wear a typical shirt, you don't even really see a gut at all, im at a happy balance of excercise and enjoying life, i've tried the 3-5 days of working out and I feel like Im trying to meet SOCIETYS demands rather then living out my own life.
She FORBIDS me to shave my chest hair cause its just the right amount, no to much, not to little. She calls it the *happy trail* Im grateful I don't have excess body hair, especially on my back and I "TRIM" not SHAVE my privates to *ahem* encourage down under adventures
My girlfriend herself would be "overweight" by classification but I love her dearly with all my heart. Even though I see VERY nice woman bodies at the local water park and fantasize about them for a few seconds, I don't LOVE them, I love MY girl for who she is, and thats what REALLY counts
Bryce L, Montana, USA,
Wow, some seriously narrow minded people in here. Pretty much backs up what the author stated. Im 5'11" and weigh over 220+ and my girlfriend LOVES my extra cushioning on my body, When I wear a typical shirt, you don't even really see a gut at all, im at a happy balance of excercise and enjoying life, i've tried the 3-5 days of working out and I feel like Im trying to meet SOCIETYS demands rather then living out my own life. She FORBIDS me to shave my chest hair cause its just the right amount, no to much, not to little. She calls it the *happy trail* Im grateful I don't have excess body hair, especially on my back and I "TRIM" not SHAVE my privates to *ahem* encourage down under adventures My girlfriend herself would be "overweight" by classification but I love her dearly with all my heart. Even though I see VERY nice woman bodies at the local water park and fantasize about them for a few seconds, I don't LOVE them, I love MY girl for who she is, and thats what REALLY counts
Bryce L, Montana, USA,
Isn't this just a great case of 'different strokes for different folks'? There is someone out there for everyone, and that wonderful. :)
Olivia Ross, Sydney,
My guy is definitely up there in the "Bear" class....but a sexier, more sensual, more caring and imaginative lover you could not find. Size is not a barrier to love nor to erotic intimacy......as anyone knows....it all comes down to confidence and being happy with who you are.
I love him......and wouldn't trade for anything.
Susie, Adelaide, Australia
Thank you! It's nice to hear a kind word about us big guys!
Skip G., Dixon, Missouri, USA
How, I agree with you, & if he is bald with a deep voice - all the better. My Husband is slim, but balding & slowly gaining a paunch. If he continues like this, in about 5 yrs time will once again be my ideal sex object. Unfotunately he is tall, prefer them short - do not ask me why, I do not know, but as a rule, this type of Man is so much sexier - just think Picasso, no David Beckham, but so much sexier! P.S. Am sure my husband prefers the Monroe type where I am more Maureen Lipman, but it works for us!
Angela, Ibiza, Spain
I wouldn't call my boyfriend of four years fat, but he's got a sturdy bulk to him that is extremely masculine and comforting. When I hug a skinnier male friend or relative, I'm left thinking, Where's the rest of him? I'm all for a little extra.
Vanessa, Providence, RI
I very much enjoyed this story. I worry that its not because of its witty wordplay or its jaunty sense of "setting the record straight", but because I like rotund men too! Unlike this writer, I'm not female. I'm a happily gay male, considered "conventionally attractive" by society who only dates men of size, heft and/or plumpness. We have been fighting in the trenches for a long time attempting to not reverse the impossible flow of conventional society, but at least let the tributaries that flow alongside stay well-fed and running.
So thank you for adding your weight to the cause.
C.Deleon, Chicago, IL, USA
Personally, I think your aritcle is wonderful. Fat men truly are better.
Juli, Roger Darce, London
I've been attracted to heavy guys since I can remember. Whether it's right, wrong, healthy, unhealthy--it's what I like. I'm heavy myself now, although I used to be unhealthily skinny (in my college years I used to barely eat anything and had a few blackouts from malnutrition). People make a lot of decisions in their life that can lower their life expectancy. People should be able to be as proud about being fat as people are about bungee jumping, or mountain climbing, or becoming a vain-popping bodybuilder. They're all things that are dangerous, but things that people are proud of.
Kizzume, Tacoma, Washington, USA
I have for a while tried to loose weight, even denying it on occasions just saying I look overweight because i have chubby cheeks, when i was younger I played for England at football and weight was never an issue, but now that i have accepted the fact that i am lardy i have never been happier!
Paul Avery , London,
What a great article. I'm a big man and run a outsize menwears store (www.bigmatts.com). All my life I've had problems with a) finding clothing b) other people's attitude to my size. I'm proud of my size and I've finally found a woman who does too.
Thanks for standing up for us fattys.
Matthew, Poole, England
Katy - Glasgow : I loved the way you quoted a classic of the genre known by Epidemiologists as "Uncle Norman and the Last Person (you'd expect)"
Look it up on Google - the story is always the same - health freak dies early and the 100 fags a day/morbidly obses guy (Uncle Norman) is tragically killed at age 105 when he loses control of his aircraft whilst joining the mile high club. The problem being that when the medical stats are collected the Uncle Normans die about 25 years earlier than the health freaks.
We are all genetically programmed to be attracted to signals of health in partners - to pretend otherwise is self-delusion.
Denial - still not just a river in Egypt.
Dominic Shields, Cardiff,
Thank you for speaking up for all the women who love their big men. I discovered my preference later in life, and have found a married a nice, big, meaty guy. I admire big men of any persuasion, and would take a nice Samoan any day over some of the Greek physiques. Big Men: women who love you are out there!
martha, princeton, usa
Why are "Fat Admirers" creepy? The writer of this article has just said she is an FFA - Female Fat Admirer, she clearly isn't creepy. Would you expect a woman who prefers reed thin men to write that article? Clearly not. So why would a man who prefers slim women write a similar article about fat women? And why should men who prefer women with fat bodies be creepy? Nature makes someone for everyone, so we need FAs, and FFAs and we have them. To call someone creepy just because of their body preference, is ignorant and narrow-minded in the extreme.
Diana, my brother in law died last year aged 48, of diabetes associated illnesses. He was very slim and had never been overweight. The author's husband isn't much overweight and the chances of him becoming diabetic are very slim. People are now hysterical about weight. You have NO evidence there that the author's partner is NOT healthy and fit. One CAN be fat and healthy. Perhaps he walks to work every day. DON'T assume.
Katy, Glasgow , Scotland
I quit my job and joined a gym until my wife persuaded me that as a Chubster I was more appealing
Max Leffen, London, uk
Supercilious ? The only supercilious remarks I see are ridiculous ideas about unfit large blokes being "better lovers" - lets see its a physical activity and being unfit makes you better at it ? Hmm I see no paradox there.
Which leads me on to the next myth - you can be overweight and as fit as someone the correct weight - have a read of "Fatland" by Greg Critser which tackles this specific point, then watch a 10000 metre race and try to spot the fatties.
Medical issues : Diabetes, heart disease, gout, high blood pressure.
Next - lets talk about man boobs, I don't see them revered as objects of sexual desire.
Denial - still not just a river in Egypt.
Dominic Shields, Cardiff,
Everyone has their optimum weight & it varies from person to person due to their body build, shape, weight, sex, age, height, bone structure or muscle girth. After all, it is possible for two people to be of the same heights & different weights but both be at their optimum weight. There are 3 types of fat: Overweight, Overfat and Obese. Overweight is defined as having weight in excess of normal, not harmful unless accompanied by overfatness. So the likes of Mike Tyson & former England rugby captain Martin Johnson are in this category. Overfat is the term used to describe a person who has too much body composition as fat; men having more than 19% & women 26%. Obese is the term used to describe extremely overweight, often considered as 20-35% above normal, probably best described as an extreme overfat condition. People seem to have this misconception about the meaning of overweight. It is not a bad thing at all. I'm overweight due to my muscles & I exercise.
Minton, London,
"like a lot of northern Europeans, is naturally rotund, with a very low metabolism"
Whatever gets you going Tobsha is fine by me but the article is full of factual errors and generalisations. Northern Europeans don't have "low metabolisms"... they have rather higher metabolisms than the average human being ... they all descended from survivors of the last glaciation. They aren't 'naturally rotund' either... they weren't rotund at all until the last generation or so. If they are 'rotund' it is because they eat too much and move too little.
I've lost 18kgs in the last year with diet and gym. I can't say I'm any happier .... to be frank it's been hard work and I can no longer turn to the crutches of beer and chips for solace. Sense of humour is a bit wan as well. On the plus side I am treated better by other people in this obesity-averse society, women are friendlier and all my 'numbers' (cholesterol, blood pressure, blood sugar) are back to normal... so the jihad must go on.
Roger Darce, London,
I've never seen such a contrast of supersilious remarks and jocular, jovial ones as in this comments column. I suspect they rather make the writer's point for her.
Personally I have no problem having a fat person in my bed, as long as its me.
Mark, Birmingham, UK
I've always found John Goodman to have a great deal of sex appeal.
Jane, New York, US
CraigF in Edinburgh, I couldn't agree more! The attraction of the cuddly bear type is certainly not only experienced by women - lots of gay men like myself have exactly the same opinion. There are even gay bars and clubs specifically for bears/chubbies and their admirers, it's become a major aspect of gay culture.
So for all you sexy bears out there, don't even thinking of hitting the treadmill!
James, London, UK
I totally agree. The object of my desires is a corpulent 50 year old who happens to be the sexiest man I have ever met ( which is saying something as I am 40 and have had many lovers) . I simply crave his body. Skinny men do absolutely NOTHING for me at all. And yes, bigger men are better in bed.
Sarah G, London,
Yikes, fat men are not for me. Each to their own though. I love my slender, semi-fit husband just the way he is. If he put on weight, I'd love him all the same, but I'd defintely encourage him to lose the excess (mainly for health reasons, but also for my own aestheic enjoyment).
Monica, London,
jc, boston - you are a prude. It's perfectly acceptable to discuss our mates bodies, even in print. We live in the 21st century. Also, what is and isn't sexy doesn't universally hinge on your - or anyone else's - opinion. Beauty (and sexiness) is in the eye of the beholder. Ms. Learner writes convincingly about the sexual attraction she feels for her husband's more rotund physique and the attributes she associates with it - who are you to dismiss those feelings as inappropriate?
Ben , Brooklyn, USA
confidence is sexy, in men or women, some of us cuddly women would like a similar artticle about us, i am happy in my own skin but according to the magazines i should be miserable, well i'm not so there!
patty, northants ,
What, so the gist is that skinny guys are less intellectual than fatties? I don't think so. To me, being overweight and apparently happy is a life lived in slovenly denial - all fat guys want a six pack, it's just that most are too lazy to do anything about it so prefer the 'love me for who I am' thread...
You forget to mention the profuse sweating, flatulence, laziness and shortened lifespan. How very appealing...
Ian C, Marbella, Spain
The visual of a big bellied big thighed barrel chested man has always had sex appeal, just as so many men (secretly at times) lust for a large, fertile looking earth mother of Babylonian proportions.
But frankly trying to make love to these rounders is like approaching Mt Shasta. When you move in for the first kiss, your faces are still about 4 feet apart!
George Mazzei, St Petersburg, FL, USA
My ex is overweight. While I never minded it, and loved that he was cuddly, he did find it impacted on his performance in bed, which in trn led to him feeling less self confident and losing interest in sex. Losing some weight helped him regai his performance and confidence, and while not svelte, is still cuddly.
The only down side was other women set their caps at the new him, and he promptly forgot the time I spent going to sex counseling and helping him with weight loss, as he chased skinny models.
Still. My new partner thinks that size 14 ladies are alright.
tanya, London,
My fat lovers have always loved me for who I am and not what I look like - they are much more forgiving of avoirdupois than any of the skinny narcissists I went out with/married! No heavier boyfriend has asked me to lose weight or restricted my diet or said on the first date 'oh you're a bit plumper than I expected!!'
I am now seeing a lovely cuddly, alpha man who can lift heavy things and wear pink shirts - big ones!
And finally - absolutely nothing compares to all that lovely soft skin. I could go on.
Fipi, Deal, Kent
My mate Dave gave the best one liner I heard when it was suggested by a do-gooder that he diet.
"What's the point......I haven't peaked yet!".
Bang on. He's very happily married with 3 kids.
Steve Proud, Christchurch, NZ
I've always gone for the more well built guys. I've always found they make me a happier person in general! Also, they're deffinately the best in the bedroom I've ever had.
I have to say I'm not a fan of the morbidly Obese guys, but just the stocky, muscly with a bit extra does me perfectly ;)
Becks, Liverpool,
Fat stores estrogen. The more fat, the more estrogen. Not only does that make sexual life more difficult for fat men (their testosterone-to-estrogen ratio is in imbalance), but, since estrogen promotes the growth of cancer, they are more likely to develop malignancies of one sort or another. Then there's heart disease, and, oh, yes, diabetes, the scourge of the next 30 years. Come on, Tobsha, if you really love this man you'll encourage him to get healthy. Not necessarily thin, but fit. He is not his fat! Loving him does not mean you have to embrace unhealthy behavior and attitudes, including the slow suicide of overeating and underexercising.
Diana, Los Angeles, USA
Dont care if he's fat or thin but please not hairless.
Jaq, london,
Whatever floats your boat. Will we get a guy who isn't one of those creepy 'Fat Admirers' writing such a glowing piece about why big women are sexy? I'm not holding my breath.
Clair Woodward, London, London
You know, I would be furious if I were the author's boyfriend and saw her waxing ecstatic over my "undulating belly". There's something so gross and icky about anyone who goes into so much detail over their mate's body, the issue of weight aside. It also seems like an overcompensation when a writer talks about how it's not so bad to be fat, how it's even "sensual".
Cassie from NYC makes a great point about the power of Clinton, et al., being the attraction, not the weight.
Fat is NOT sexy. Believe me, I have weight to lose myself - it's not sexy. Just this morning I was thinking how darn uncomfortable it is to be overweight, especially in the summer. I'm going to redouble my diet and exercise efforts.
jc, boston,
I make it a rule never, ever to sleep with a man who is thinner than me. Who wants to feel like an elephant making love to a mouse? (I'm a size 12, by the way, and many, many of my male friends wear smaller trousers than I do. I don't fancy any of them).
Bring on the belly - it's far sexier than living in the gym and sucking your stomach in every time you look in the mirror!
But remember to stay fit and healthy and not smoke etc etc...blah blah blah....a smokers cough & breath and wheezing when you walk up the stairs are probably worse turnoffs than being thin...
Liz, Gutersloh, Germany
Being fat does not nescesarilly connotate being unhealthy. I, myself, am an over-weight male, but I can run further and pick up heavier things, with less trouble, than many of my skinny counterparts.
Now being obese, well, thats a different story. Having a little paunch? No big deal.
Greg, Loudon,
So she doesn't mind getting squashed in bed. For me the beer gut is a big turn off, a weapon of mass destruction.
I agree with Dan that the health risks are really worrying. I am already expecting to be a carer for someone who cares more about beer than his health and who is getting less mobile as the years go by and the pounds pile on.
Toshba is entitled to her personal preferences but for most of us it is like being made love to by the proverbial wardrobe that someone has left the key in
Kath, Maidenhead, Berks
If a man (or a woman) needs to hold his breath to tie his shoes, how effective a lover is he really? And how much of it is the author not dealing with her own issues of self-confidence?
It's time to wake up Tobsha. Perhaps if you learn to love your man for being happy, healthy and successful and not because he flaunts obesity, maybe you won't have to keep justifying yourself to yourself... but then again, I guess there wouldn't be anything to write about.
Brian, Los Angeles, USA/CA
I too enjoy and delight in the larger of the male species. I agree that the cuddle factor is definately a plus; and whilst I too belong to the "curvier, average" British female size theres something about boys that have a little more to offer ;) Im not saying we should feed them all up and make them unhealthy, and as they say "a little of what you fancy does you good". Its all about enjoying life and if and lf that means being a bit rounder then c'est la vie! i would also like to point out that even slim/skinny boys and girls suffer from hypertension, heart disease and kidney problems not all diseases befall those of us just because we may be a bit heavier. Great article.
Kate J, dorchester, England
Elise from London, you are missing the point - the article doesnt condone overweight men nor does it encourage obesity - all the writer is saying is that she has simply learnt a valuable lesson - being that we shouldnt conform to society's rules and we should be happy with what we are. Her man makes no excuses for his form and from the sounds of it neither does he put pressure on her as she staes.Therefore in my opinion, the only women who feel they need to conform are the ones in relationships with selfish partners and women who are insecure enough to follow the other sheep in society.
steve, luton, beds
I certainly agree about more voluptuous women for sex appeal - however your whole article just undermines what your point is: that sex appeal for women is not so much about looks, yet all you've done for yourself is identify a new look that you find attractive. Surely the point is not to discredit anybody rather than decide you now like fat instead of thin? The generalisations you employ for both men and women are also a little tiring too...
Richard, london,
Fat is not healthy, regardless of sex, so we need to stop making excuses for it and neither is going the other extreme end for that matter. What is appealing however is a person who looks after themselves (eats good and lives good) and also has the self confidence to carry themselves well!
chenge, london,
I get a bit tired of all the patronizing and rude comments you get from even your friends when you say that you like bigger men. What is wrong with it? In my experience - from my family and boyrfriends - I can tell you that there are some people who are genetically large and there is nothing you can do or say to change it. Why do we all have to fit into this absurdly narrow Grecco-Roman ideal of what it means to be a beautiful man? My partner is six foot four and twenty stone and, like the writers partner, completely happy with it. He exercises and eats well - because I cook for him. I would not have him any other way. A lot of the gays have woken up to this and the Bear look is very popular.
You just have to accept that some people are big and some people are very thin as well. Stop being so mean to them.
As to you Cassie, NYC - you are completely rude and ignorant of other people's feelings.
No I am not fat. I go to the gym 8 times a week. My boyfriend loves it that way.
Paul, London, UK
In Uganda, they call this fat type of man 'mafuta mingi' - Kiswahili for plenty of fat. They appeal to to the opposite sex due on the mistaken assumption that they are wealthy and healthy!! As a slim guy, on my trips to Africa, my aunts interrogate me about the absence of my 'stomach'! I point out to them that fat is no good. Heart disease is one of the top, if not number one killer here in the UK.
This lady will be lucky to have her fella around into a ripe old age at this rate. She must encourage him to hit the gym, if she really loves him.
Okidi, London, UK
I totally agree, please add Ray "gorgeous" Winstone to the list. He is so sexy.
sharon kane, Brighton,
Problem with loving a fat man is that he'll probably be around for less long than a thinner man ... not because he's run off with another woman, but because he's had a heart attack.
starling, Lancaster,
This article made me laugh out loud. I have been involved with an "overweight" Englishman for nearly seven years now- he is the only man I've ever been with who has a beer belly, and I absolutely love it! His belly has a personality of its own, and I tell him all the time how much I adore it. Never before have I dated someone "rotund" in any sense of the word, and never did I think I would. His belly is starting to spread slightly around the sides, but I don't mind. I think he's sexy as hell, and wouldn't care if he weighed 300 lbs. Oh, and he's also the funniest man I've ever met- a pure aphrodisiac if there ever was one.
Bev, Columbia,
Great article. I myself am a young, slim man working in an environment of middle-aged, overweight, married men in France. Truth be told, most "confident", rotund, charismatic men don't look that terrific...te truly "powerul" men are few and far between.
Really, I know I'm getting more glances from the women folk at my svelte silhouette than all those men carrying a beer belly, however "proud" their gait may be.
Alexandre, Paris,
The best lover - by far - that I ever had in my life was fat ... but clean, well kept, gorgeous teeth, totally unselfconsious. Like a healthy animal. The best kisser in the world ... and the technique of a connoiseur ... he really loved women. And he loved my body. I never felt so good about my physical self as when I was with him. Sadly this wasn't enough for a long-term relationship but I still remember him with wistfulness.
Gemma G, Johannesburg, South Africa
I'm with you Dan. I think the writer is confused in the difference between skinny and healthy. The skinny models she is referring to are unhealthy and all they do is smoke and eat lettuc leaves. On the other hand fat is really unappealing and it will be likely that you may end up having to take care of them.
I like the healthy look, ie, a man who does plenty of exercise, has a healthy appetite, and eats good food. His weight takes care of itself so you don't have too.
Alison Sinclair, London,
Denial : Not just a river in Africa - I have always noticed how many women will state firmly how they are above caring whether a male has a good body but somehow forget their principles when foaming at the mouth at say footballer's torsos when they remove their tops after a game. "Its not the same" they claim when I point this out with a smirk. People are complex.
Dominic Shields, Cardiff,
And then there’s David Aaronovitch, cuddly and very, very sexy.
Jane, London,
Well, I'm sure you'll find it equally alluring when you're paying for his heart surgery. Being over weight is naturally unhealthy, that's why people find it unattractive, your fetish notwithstanding.
Michael Gard, Dublin, Ireland
I hate this; people have absolutely no self discipline so try to justify their mediocrity by saying its better to be fat. No its not, its not from a sexual viewpoint for the vast majority of people and its not from a health viewpoint. Justifying fatness due to laziness is tantamount to self harm. Get a grip and go for a run.
Rory Considine, Liverpool,
I hope the books she writes are not as silly than this article.
Geneticly no women will be attracted by fat male...bse they dont offer a good metabolism.(they can't really run either)
Thoses fat men usually can't offer a good quality erection(bse they are fat),dier younger(bse they are fat),dont offer a good role modeil (bse they spend their time eating themselve to death),and look for me more than Shemale or women in their fifty(bse they are fat).Whicih kind of normally constitued women like men boobs?
Nothing attractive in that.I do think,this Lady is still is search of his Daddy.
Fat is killing you,Fat is ugly.Start smoking today!
Francoise, London, UK.
Amen...and I love the analogy of the sofa; same is true for women as nothing sparks my eye or my loins more than a woman with, as my grandfather used to say, buttocks that you can really get your teeth into.
lex, london,
Elise, London
How are you managing to blame an article written by a woman about what men she likes on men??? How is this an excuse for men to not make an effort??? Face it, a lot of men don't really care how they look. Period.
That's life, some men like slim women, some men like women who are heavier, very few men like women who are skinny. Despite this, a lot of women still aspire to these stick insects and want to look like them, keeping them as icons (bad ones in my opinion) of this age by buying magazines with them sprawled across the covers. This is not a male issue, it's female choice.
DJK, London,
I quit my job and joined a gym until my wife persuaded me that as a Chubster I was more appealing
Max Leffen, London, uk
There's hope yet. Bring on the pies.
Dave, Notts, UK
Many of the thinner guys seem to wait around for the next article/survey telling them how to look, smell or behave. As a fat guy, I'm unable to hide my size. I used to hide my stutter and my inability to ride a bike but not my girth or double chin. I just keep myself looking as decent as I can while taking a [tiny!] bit of excercise resulting in me being pretty healthy. This results in great self-confidence. I've had all the comments/jokes/insults but they don't bother me. I've no time for self-worship. I once read about a handsome, slim man who had to look at himself in the mirror while making love to his partner. How sad.
I'm off for a strong, sweet coffee and a slice of cake.
John, London, UK
"I would not want to spend time with someone who invests more in beauty products than I do; it also suggests more time invested in brawn than brain."
So you're saying you as a woman use more beauty products, which suggests you have less in brain than you do in appearance, but that's ok, (why?) and it isn't ok for potential partners (I'm assuming wildly, men). Daily dose of sexism with your TimesOnline anyone?
Catherine Davies, Leicester,
I find Depardieu over-inflated rather than fat.
On the other hand, my girlfriend finds Robbie Coltrane rather sexy.
That does not stop her criticising my love handles though. Then again, she is definitely in the two-seater category.
John, London, UK
Hang on. So it's ok for men to be on the large side, but (and no matter what you try to say) it is still NOT ok for women to be? My partner is definitely one of the more 'rounded' characters written about above but I know for a fact he prefers slim women, even making jokes about women who are only very slightly bigger than me.
It's just an excuse for men to carry on not making an effort whilst women face an enormous amount of pressure to conform...
Elise, London,
I myself do not lust for the flabby Marlon Brandos (yuck!) but its all a matter of personal taste, so go for it if you like.
Asta, Hamburg, Germany
I started reading this article thinking that the author is simply a chubby chaser. By the end of it, however, I started to believe that she is probably more comfortable with fat men because they are less likely to leave their partners. Fair enough.
Nevertheless, when brining up men such as Clinton, Trump, Napoleon etc. she confuses the so-called sexiness of girth with the allure of power. These men did not get so many girls b/c of their weight but in spite of it. It is their power that was catnip.
cassie, nyc, us
Presumably girls on top?
Andrew Milner, Yokohama, Kanagawa
As a gay man myself I can tell you that I've always have had a thing for the big fellas.
I adore cuddly hairy bears. They are usually level headed, reliable and great in bed.
Go for it.
CraigF, Edinburgh, Scotland
Where are the articles praising the joys of funny, sexy, intelligent fat women?
Sarah, Kent,
Yay! Spot on, Tobsha. Just one point (it's clear you're a round ball girl) -- it isn't the fullbacks who have the comfortable girth; it's us lads out of the front row.
John Lynch, Whittington, Shropshire, UK
interesting to see how the two genders perceive each other. women face pressure to be as slim as a toothpick while men . . . ah where's the pressure?
clifton, toronto, canada
My man is not exactly fat but certainly not slim either I never thought I would fancy a "less than trim" man but I adore his cuddlyness ...makes me feel safe and comfy ( and he is very very sexy) !
Scarlett, Sheffield & Bristol, uk