By Nicola Copping

The England cricket tour to New Zealand beckons and Captain Paul Collingwood is entrenched in pre-match strategising: batting orders, field placings, how to tackle the Kiwi opening attack. Or is he? As far as I can work out he’s more concerned with the state of his wrinkles. Jimmy Anderson? He’s worried about the mark that paper pants leave around his hips when you get a spray tan. Stuart Broad? He’s wondering if he can fit his GHD straighteners in his travel bag.

The England cricket team’s fascination with beauty is due to their collaboration with Hugo Boss, but come on boys, admit it: the rest comes down to vanity. This convenient alliance sees the team showered with products (including an aftershave shaped like a cricket ball) and bedecked in sharp suits (a good look for getting on the plane, they say). It may not strike you as the most natural of partnerships, cricket and preening, but it has transformed four men who love the sound of leather on willow into grooming aficionados. That or they’ve been heavily prepped by a savvy PR team.

The latter answer is a little too easy for my liking. It becomes evident as soon as I walk into the studio and see a beaming Colly dressed in his Sunday best, wielding a black Hugo Boss cricket bat for a photo shoot, that they love all this posh frock and fresh face lark. And, of course, the attention by the flocks of women in the studio who cater to their every whim with an adoring smile. Plus – and this is the really interesting part – after our interview Broad, Anderson and Cook strip off and pose for a naked centrefold for Cosmopolitan magazine. Cue raucous quips about well-placed cricket bats and balls. They may be serious sportsmen but it is quite obvious that these chaps quite like the fluffy stuff too.

So who was the vainest member of the team? Well, Colly was wearing make-up, but one could forgive him for it. It was a requirement of the photo shoot. And he refused to leave the studio without wiping it off (with a Hugo Boss anti-ageing cleansing wipe, of course). Broad was cocksure and therefore in the running for the title of Mr Vain: his bowling arm, penetrating blue eyes and long blonde locks see to that. This is a player to watch. And yes, I did swoon. Anderson meanwhile was surprisingly timid (his wife was there to hold his hand during the day's activities). He was surprised to be voted the best dressed by his team mates, but his confession that he had a spray tan for his wedding, and wore a paper g-string to ensure total coverage bar a white line above the pelvis , could prove the Achilles heel (or rather Achilles hip) for which the New Zealand batsman have long been yearning.

The banter between the boys bodes well: this is a team not only prepared for any beauty-based eventuality in New Zealand, but is one that is relaxed, familiar with each other, and in high spirits. So much so that a Mr P. Collingwood of County Durham decided to turn the tables on me, the interviewer, to mock my own questionably fashionable turnout that day. The cheek. That’s the last time I wear Prada when facing a cricket team affiliated with Hugo Boss.