It’s hot, it’s steamy and Milan is replete with dashing men – it can only be Men’s Fashion Week. And just because it’s menswear, don’t think there’s its any less glamourous than its womenswear counterpart – when the likes of Versace, Gucci and Dolce & Gabbana are involved, there’s no shortage of beautiful clothing and beautiful people. Suits have been cut, trousers have been turned up, and the boys – well they may have a bit of slap on. Here’s the insider’s guide to Man’s biggest ever fashion bonanza.

Trends on the catwalk

Dolce & Gabbana – suits inspired by pyjamas: stripes, silks, shawls. Sounds inconceivable but it worked. How well? Very well.

Jil Sander – was all about the zips. Futuristic, lots of block colours (think Neapolitan ice cream) and models that looked possessed.

Emporio Armani

More fragrance launches than the beauty floor at Selfridges and more A-list parties than Oscar season

Multimedia

• Pictures: Gucci, Prada and McQueen

• Pictures: Armani, Cavalli and Westwood

• Pictures: Dolce & Gabbana

Multimedia

• Pictures: Versace

• Pictures: Jil Sander

Missoni – Safari meets the souk. Terracotta trousers, finely woven cardigans, cut-off denim shorts, but the best thing was the cushions. The fashion crowd sat on them, and then the fashion crowd made off with them.

Burberry – Allotment chic, as one journalist put it. Moody colours typical of designer Christopher Bailey’s vision, and another master class in layering. All topped off with plant pot hats.

Versace – it was sexy, and that’s what you come to expect from Donatella. Pinstripe suits with a difference (the stripe was sometimes broken) and cool, neutral colours.

Trends off the catwalk

THE GOOD

News flash! The blazer, shirt, jeans combination IS BACK. A trend that hasn’t been seen since circa 1985, is cool again, according to the Milan crowd. Make sure you leave the socks out in summer, and roll up the jeans.

The short suit: Milan’s men are channelling Just William. Think knees, knees, knees. Shorts are plain, while jackets are pinstriped (it’s best to mix and match both patterns and fabrics). And the shoes? Boating. We’re nowhere near a boat, but when did practicality matter at fashion week?

THE BAD

Gladiator sandals. Yes, Gladiator sandals. Yes, on men. Two suspects seen wearing identical pairs with buckles fastening up the ankle. Yes, I thought they were for women only too.

Frank Spencer beret. Worn by the aforementioned exponent of Roman footwear. It was an interesting look.

THE UGLY

The penis tattoo. One man, one arm, one artfully drawn penis.

People

Anna Wintour – she’s here and she means business. Great news for the menswear industry when fashion’s biggest player thinks it’s worth coming to town.

Fergie (the singer, not the mother of Beatrice and Eugenie) in dark glasses (it was so dark in there I would be surprised if she could have seen anything at all) on the front row of Dolce & Gabbana.

Naomi Campbell – appeared as the only female model at Dolce & Gabbana wearing a silk dressing gown. She better make the most of it: they don’t have silk in prison.