The name's Bond

The air is once again filled with the rat-a-tat-tat of gunfire and the pinging of bra straps. On Friday, James Bond is back for his 22nd cinematic outing in Quantum of Solace (still can’t get used to that dud title). In the countless column inches devoted to Daniel Craig and those trunks in his first go as 007 two years ago, much was made of the dawn of Man as Sex Object. What commentators failed to see is that plenty of men cling to a different era — best defined by one of Craig’s antecedents, Sean Connery. So, which Bond are you? Do you want to hide your body or show it off? Do you fell your opponent with a stagy punch or get him on the floor so you can really kick him in the ribs? Do you dispense with your lovers like chewing gum or prefer them to hug you in the shower while you cry? The formers mean you’re a slick Sean; the latters a deadly Daniel.

These days, Bond is laboriously merchandised (he “officially” wears Tom Ford suits and Omega watches), so it’s pretty easy to procure either look if you have a lot of cash. Yet Britain’s most dangerous weapon now faces a spectre more terrifying than the usual camp villain — recession. Below are six ways to achieve Bondness on a budget, along with a rundown of the best (and some less worthy) 007 products on the market. Just don’t skimp on the martinis. Cheap liquor is the pits.

Slick Sean

Dinner jacket If you lose all your cash playing vingt-et-un, you’ll still look the biz in this credit-crunch-friendly tux from Burton (jacket, £90, shirt, £25, and bow tie, £6). Connery, the thrifty Scot, would be proud.

Cuff links Complement your DJ with a natty pair from Marks & Spencer (£29.50). Great value, even if they don’t shoot poison darts.

Shoes Fleming’s original Bond wore dress shoes, but some classics need updating. Compromise with a pair of patent Oxfords from Office (£60).

Deadly Daniel

Body tee If you’re in good nick, there is nothing as debonair as a well-cut T-shirt (£6, from Topman). It’s more practical than a tweed three-piece if you’re planning to duff up some terrorists.

Watch It’s fiction that Bond can’t get a good watch for less than £500. The Toy Watch is cool, quirky and cost-effective (£135, from Browns).

Weights It’s not just clothes that maketh the man: you need minimal gut and maximum chest, too. Chrome dumbbells (and several hundred hours) will give you guns like Craig’s (£43, from Argos).

The girls

Bond Girls Are Forever is still the definitive tome on James’s ladies, not least because it’s co-written by one — Maryam d’Abo (The Living Daylights). Perfect posh porn for your coffee table (Boxtree £25).

The Looks

I went along to The Refinery to try one of its new 007-themed packages. After hours of scrubs, pedicures and eyebrow shaping, I felt more Roger Moore than licensed to kill. Then two ladies massaged me in stereo. Ouch! Yet strangely satisfying. From £175; 020 7409 2001

The Mood

Tocca is peddling a Bond-themed scented candle. Does anybody feel a pressing need to make their sitting room smell like 007’s? Didn’t think so. £30, from Harrods