Iconic Films
2 for 1 tickets to Singin' In The Rain, this coming Monday. Book now
Navigation - link to other main sections from here
Who pays for sex? You'd be surprised
More and more young men are choosing to visit prostitutes. One writer asks them why
"There are lots of whorehouses in Macau,” Tom confided to me under his
breath in a crowded bar in Islington one Thursday night. “It was my first
time in Hong Kong and I remember getting a ferry to one of the brothels
where there was a madam and a security guard. On that occasion I didn’t have
full sex with the girl, but all my friends did.”
Tom was 23 when he jetted out to Hong Kong to visit friends in 2001, but even
then he was no stranger to brothels: it was the fourth time that he had
sought the services of a prostitute. He is the sort of young man of whom
most mothers would approve, a 29-year-old teacher who is good-looking, well
educated and respectful. Yet on his worldwide travels he has paid for sex in
several countries, including Australia, the Netherlands and Thailand.
The stereotypical “John” who uses prostitutes is a middle-aged, empty soul
whom you might spot slinking around red-light districts in an outsized mac
and stained trousers. The uncomfortable truth, though, is that most men who
pay for sex are just “regular guys” — colleagues, brothers, fathers, sons
and lovers.
Volumes of research have been published on trends among sex workers across the
globe — studies on drug use, on the spread of STDs, on the impact of
prostitution on society. Yet as a study published in the British Medical
Journal in 2005 pointed out, “far less is known about the men who pay
for sex”. That study found that the proportion of British men who reported
paying for heterosexual sex had increased from 5.6 per cent in 1990 to 9 per
cent in 2000. Of these, the largest group were in their mid-twenties to
mid-thirties, living in London and either single or divorced.
I realised that, as a single woman in her late twenties living in London, I am
surrounded by this demographic. And given that a small but significant
proportion of the men identified in the study were apparently upstanding
types who slept with prostitutes in secret, I decided to see if I could
persuade a few of them to confess.
It took some digging — and a fair amount of tongue-loosening lager — but I
found that in some cases the kind of man whom I’d be happy to take to tea
with my mother was also the type capable of paying for sex.
Meet Sam, a 30-year-old Cambridge-educated business consultant. He is well
spoken, well educated and was brought up a strict Roman Catholic. This did
not, however, prevent him from making his way through the red-light district
in Amsterdam in search of sex.
“She wasn’t trashy, she was the classic Swedish type,” he insists, describing
the woman he chose from one of the windows (I have seen these shop-window
women myself and know that some of them look pretty intimidating). “It was
such a strange thing for me to do — quite out of character — but I wouldn’t
say that physically there was much difference from sex with a girlfriend.”
It is difficult for a woman to understand what it is that a prostitute can
offer these perfectly attractive men that a free sexual encounter — be it a
one-night-stand or in a relationship — cannot. In an age when women are more
sexually liberated and “strings-free” sex is a greater possibility than it
ever was before, why are more and more young men choosing sex with a pro?
Disconcertingly, the men to whom I spoke suggested that lack of any emotional
obligation is one of the most appealing attributes of paying for sex. “It’s
just a case of getting something out of the way,” says Tom, who after his
fifth (and, at the time of writing, final) encounter described how he felt
“a very cold reaction, very emotionless — you’ve lost that pent-up
aggression and you just want to get out of there.”
“I have felt more guilt after one-nightstands than I have felt after going to
a prostitute,” says Sam. “As long as prostitution is done in a legal and
consensual way, there is almost more honesty in it than in picking up a girl
in a bar, where you are toying with people’s emotions and giving false
impressions in order to get something physical.”
In the real world — that is, the world where sex stems from boy-meets-girl
rather than boy-pays-girl — there are always emotional obligations attached,
no matter how casual the liaison. Neither Sam nor Tom is an emotional
vandal, the sort of man who swaggers blithely through women’s lives with a
philosophy of love ’em and leave ’em.
They see themselves as the good guys, the ones who don’t want to lie, cheat
and make promises that they can’t (or won’t) keep to have sex. So, with what
seems perverse logic, they sleep with prostitutes instead.
“With a prostitute you both know what you’re doing it for,” says Tom. “She’s
doing it for the money, you’re doing it for sex. I’ve had guilty feelings
[after visiting a prostitute] but never the same as I’ve had with a
one-night stand.”
Only one thing guarantees this understanding: money. When a man visits a
prostitute, the mere act of handing over cash for services removes, in his
mind, all emotional obligations to her.
“Money displaces the emotions. It frees you from that bond, that
responsibility,” explains Sam. “The distance you get from exchanging cash
for sex means that afterwards you don’t contemplate the impact on the
prostitute.”
It is that distance — emotional, cultural, social — that makes paying for sex
appealing to the young punter. Most prostitutes are women far removed from
his normal life — she is not in his clique, he will never see her again,
maybe she doesn’t come from the same culture as him or even speak the same
language. The BMJ study revealed that this is why in the past five
years most men who paid for sex were more likely to do so when they were
abroad.
In the UK, prostitution itself is not illegal. But many of the acts
surrounding it are, including soliciting, pimping and kerb-crawling, which
makes it almost impossible for most full-time prostitutes to operate safely.
Forced underground, as UK prostitution is, it is perhaps not surprising that
95 per cent of UK prostitutes are thought to be addicted to drugs, and why
many men prefer to go abroad to pay for sex.
Even so, there has been an increase in the availability of paid-for sex in
Britain as well as abroad. The researchers pointed to “an increasingly large
and diverse sex industry” and suggested that more men are using the services
it offers because of a wider cultural acceptance of prostitution.
If prostitution was once a dirty and rarely acknowledged secret, it certainly
isn’t now. Rap singers have been mainlining the MTV generation (glued to
such television shows as Pimp My Ride) with their self-aggrandising
yarns of “hos” and “pimps” for long enough for even the outraged to have
become somewhat inured.
Sacha Baron Cohen’s character Borat arrived at the Leicester Square premiere
of his new film flanked by a harem of actresses dressed as Kazakh “ladies of
the night”, and greeted the crowd with “good evening, gentlemen and
prostitutes”. Barely an eyebrow was raised.
Some sex workers themselves have even gone “mainstream”. The unidentified
London call girl Belle De Jour attracted 15,000 visitors to her blog every
day, and landed herself a book deal into the bargain.
As well as providing Belle de Jour with a route to lucrative notoriety, the
internet has also revolutionised the whole sex trade.
“The sex industry is more visible and accessible. Anyone with a computer or a
WAP phone can find sex workers, read reviews about them or meet them in
clubs,” says Dr Helen Ward, of Imperial College London, co-author of the BMJ
study.
“Paying for sex has become one of many options in addition to casual sex,
short or long-term relationships, or marriage,” continues Dr Ward. “Some men
seem to find it attractive to have sex without emotional commitment, while
others just like the excitement of paid-for sex. I hope that by showing how
common this is we can start to demystify commercial sex.”
If, as the BMJ study suggested, the proportion of men visiting
prostitutes almost doubled in the ten years from 1990, it seems fair to
assume that by 2010 that figure will have risen again.
The cold truth is that many men today, regardless of how eligible, rich and
dashing they may be, don’t go to prostitutes because they can’t get laid.
They go because, frankly, it’s an easier way of getting laid.
So, would I mind if my future husband admitted that in his past he had spent
weekends in Amsterdam and Prague seeing prostitutes before we met? Probably.
But again, is it really any worse than picking up a girl in a bar and lying
his way into her pants simply because he was horny? Having been that girl,
now I’m not entirely sure.
Men can be very deceitful in this day and age of AIDS STD'S etc they should be more honest up front. It took me a long time to realize the quy I was dating had profiles on line to meet women for sex and other nasty stuff. I kicked him to the curb, no crotch viruses for me. thank you
kim, milwaukee, wisconsin
I spent 6 months with a man who - nice though he is - can only get it on with a woman who is emotionally detached from him. He admits it. He "loves me and desperately wants to be my boyfriend". But he doesn't have the concept of sex that is loving, and of taking care, sexually, of a woman he loves. It took me those 6 months to understand what he wanted; he was not really sexually interested in me (he now admits this), but he had the idea of trading impersonal sex to keep me there for him. Where did he learn this? Really sad for him, and damaging for me.
Morgan, San Jose, CA
I happily married but the sexual side of the relationship is non existent, due to the fact that my wife has a medical condition that makes sex impossible. So occasionally I get the basic human instinct to have a sexual encounter. I got a couple of options, never have sex again, divorce the wife I love and find another, try and meet someone on the internet for a casual sexual relationship with no strings. The option that I have used on several occasions is to book a prostitute via the internet. The website I use gives them and you feedback like ebay, so you know your not going to meet a psychopath and the same for them. It also has photos of the prostitute and lists what services they provide so you can book the prostitute that provides the service that you want. All the women I’ve meet have been great, basically I pay for what I want and I’ve never feel let down or felt disappointed. All sexual activity is carried out safely for both your sakes. You’ve got not ties to them, so once you’ve finished, you don’t feel awkward about leaving straight afterwards and no problems with them gaining any feelings for you, as its all done on a professional level. Your only their for one reason and it’s not love.
All the prostitutes I’ve meet have always been around the same age as me and have chosen that profession as they enjoy sex or the money it makes them. I think the sex trade should be less sleazy, and properly monitored by a government body. Making Prostitution illegal is not the answer, but regulation is. The government is missing out on huge amount of missed taxes from this trade that would easily pay towards regulating the sex trade. Making prostitution illegal will only push it more underground, also making it a lot more riskier for both escort and punter. It’s nearly 2008 and paying for sex should be fully regulated not push back into the dark ages. Everyone has sex at sometime or another, but when you can’t find a partner to have sex with what’s wrong with paying for it. If I agree and she agrees, what business is it of anyone else? And no one gets hurt I can’t see what the issue is. I believe curb crawling is wrong, as no one wants to see someone selling sex openly on the street. But the way I do it, is done behind closed doors and no one apart from the two consenting adults is aware what’s going on, so no one else can get hurt and I believe is a lot safer for both parties and not sleazy. Hope this give you an insight of an average prostitute user.
David Johnson, Birmingham,
I am an escort. I cannot afford to retrain at uni just on care work. Instead I see one gentleman a week. It just covers my expenses and frees my time to focus on my studies. I advertise online for free and entertain gents from my home. So no overheads apart from sexy lingerie, elegant clothes, cosmetics etc
I work extremely hard in my studies and only want to create a future for myself. without accruing horrendous debts. I am unable to get student loans so I have to pay for it somehow. I still do the care work as I feel I am still contributing to the community.
The downside of this though is that I am sometimes affected by the stigma attached to it. And I don't know if there is a partner out there who would accept that I had worked. I am single and would only do it while single. I get to have sex every week without feeling like cattle at a meat market and be truly treated nicely and be paid well. At the time during a meeting I don't feel I am doing anything wrong.
Stephanie Brooks, Bournemouth, UK
After splitting up with my girlfriend of 3 years earlier this year, I decided to try prostitutes.
I live in Asia so travelling to Thailand is an easy option.
I do this every couple of months and spend long weekends there.
The idea of seeing a prostitute in the UK is unthinkable.
Even in Amsterdam it wouldn't appeal to me.
The experience in Thailand is completely different. You'll find foreign men and women with prostitutes.
With men, Thai women know the right buttons to press.
There is no exploitation, many girls I have gone with have 'respectable' day jobs, and they can pick and choose who they want to go with.
At this moment in time I just could not be bothered looking for a girlfriend where I live. It wouldn't be difficult, but I want a break from a full on relationship.
I also noticed in Thailand Ladyboys are as popular as girls.
The men who go with them would never consider themselves gay, nor find a 'man' attractive.They're very popular in London too with straight men.
paul, HK, Asia
I've never visited a prostitute, but I wouldn't object to it on moral grounds. The notion that "correct" sex has to involve some kind of intense emotional commitment (or deception, as the writer here notes), and making it an honest transaction like this is "wrong", is just such irrational nonsense. Perhaps it has that meaning for YOU, but it is not universal.
It seems pretty obvious where the intense anger of the female respondents here is coming from. It's not from any concern for the prostitutes; sex trafficking is a terrible thing, yes, but plenty of prostitutes are in it voluntarily, and the critics don't seem to make any distinction there. Rather, the anger is over the fact that there exist men that don't view sex the very particular way that those women insist they do. There's a strange urge to control other people's desire there.
John, Tacoma, WA, USA
I have visited prostitutes. In no way is the short relationship dehumanising. On long dates it will be dinner and conversation and yes sex. Normally very good sex, because an escort knows her job and how to please men. An answer to anther point. Yes many escorts do enjoy the sex and some do have orgasms. (Yes a real one, not a pretend one).
Yes I do have a partner, she does not know I see prostitutes, but she does know I do websites for them. I thus know many from a sexual way, and I know others from a business point of view. I also know many as friends, from social parties (no sex). All these women are strong minded business people.
Yes I love my partner. No I don't love an escort. I buy sex from an escort when I am away from home working and lonely.
What this proposed ban will do is get rid of the good clients, leave the bad ones. The existing illegal brothels and flats, often run by escorts will all be run by criminals. The women will be far more at risk.
Steve Elrond, Newcastle,
So these men are the 'good guys', the ones who engage in 'honest', 'guilt-free' sex...?? But only because they've already dehumanised the prostitutes in their own minds if they think of them as some sort of coin-slot machine where the exchange of money means sex has no emotional impact. That kind of emotional distance a 'Cambridge-educated' type in a foreign land probably finds easy to get.
Z-woman-22, London,
what a load of coy, prudish virgins all these posters are.
have they never had sex before. it's not that special that it requires you to have emotions about it - for men or women.
if 2 consenting adults want to have sex and exchange money then it's all good with me. so long as there's no people trafficking, pimping or violence then tere's no problem at all.
some of the posters here really need to get out more and have some sex themselves!
j, london,
I am not surprised that only women have commented here. I am a guy who has paid for sex with over five hundred women throughout the world. I am also a guy who has the utmost respect for these ladies. The majority of them get paid for using what they have physically and they keep the money they have earned. A secretary uses what God gave her mentally yet works for someone else. Morals tend to get in the way here. Would I like my sister to be a prostitute? Would I prefer my sister to sleep with guys from bars regularly and not for payment? I want my sister to be happy with whatever she is happy with: despised MP or popular bar girl.
Furthermore, I have had long relationships with prostitutes and subsequently, although I can not say with hand on heart that all the 'actresses' enjoy their work; some most definitely do.
I have told every women i have met about my past and am now happily married to a lady who believes that prostitution is safer than one nighters for free.
russ, swindon, wiltshire
"Do you really believe Prostitutes actually enjoy having sex with their clients. OH please - are you crazy as well. "
Some do with some clients, some don't with other clients, some don't with any client, some do with all clients. I'm talking about Escorts here (the expensive kind), not street walkers, of which I have no experience. It's much the same when you "pull" in a bar or club and get home. You may or may not enjoy it, depending on personal chemistry, compatibility, level of tiredness, etc. So, I'm afraid your attempt to generalise is doomed to fail.
Robin Laundon, London, UK
Pornography in this country is legal and is used by both men and women. In many countries it is a massive industry. It is an industry where even awards are given out and although there may be those who disapprove it is nevertheless tolerated. Pornography is used for many reasons helping with sexual dysfunction being one. Women get paid for participating in pornographic material. Yes paid for Sex with either male or female sowhat is the difference if any between a Pornographic Star and a Prostitute if there be any?
Frank Williams, Derby, England
Have I missed something? Comments all seem to based on the 'men need sex, women don't ..' kind of belief.
As a single woman, I too think it would be nice to have sex (of the pretty plain vanilla variety) once in a while without any emotional guilt afterwards and without any commitment whatsoever to the person unless we BOTH wanted more commitment. Options for that seem to be:
a) male prostitute - I wouldn't know where to start and my impression is that if you want to be safe, its prohibitivively expensive not to mention the judgement that a woman would get for doing that!!
b) pick a stranger up - potentially dangerous and I for one do not want to end up in the newspaper with the world judging me on the 'what was she thinking criteria'
c) a dating site - but you are never sure if they just want sex or will be offended if you suggest only that - and yes I do find that men are offended at times - its like they think you are rejecting their character
L Wells, Camden, UK
Big Surprise at the amount of misogynistic and retrograde comments by some posters around.
Gems like ( "Most of the women I've been with were prostitutes - all the women I've been with have cost me money" and "What's the difference between a wife/girlfriend and a prostitute?. At least the prostitute tells you in advance how much its going to cost you")
Really, Is sex the only reason why you'd embark on a relationship with a woman? Are all your emotional worries of the like "How much money is it going to cost me?"
I find no problem in adults selling or paying for sex. However I won't accept that sex for money will ever replace sex for free. I and many others around suffer from greater emotional needs. Sex is great Yet add togetherness and you've got the real deal.
Alpha, London,
This is a complex issue with complex dynamics at play depending on what culture you inhabit, your personal attitude and beliefs, the context in which you're buying sex, who from... As a feminisit, exploitation disgusts me. But sex trafficking and abuse are symptoms not causes of unjust societies where wealth is unevenly distributed and many people lack access to education or opportunities. Add to that a few millenia of institutionalised misogyny and rigidly-gendered thought systems... What I hope for is a more utopic society where sex can lose some its baggage. Where people can make informed choices about their sexuality, which can include the buying or selling of sex, for monetary profit or otherwise. I went to Amsterdam and approved of the principle behind their system. A guy I dated told me he'd bought oral sex there and I was merely bemused. An ex from Delhi lost his virginity to a female classmate - he paid cash for the privilege. Sad, but not a black and white issue, is it now?
NH, London, UK
I think that a lot of the posts from men who admit they visit prostitutes and say that it is normal to do so carry more than a whiff of self-justification. The vast majority of men do not visit prostitutes, even if they are not in a relationship or have not had any contact with a women for some time. This whole idea that all men are somehow sexually incontinent is just a way of stereotyping men, just as it is a stereotype that all women use sex as a bargaining tool to get what they want.
Ed, Leeds, uk
Sex is the only activity, which gives pleasure to all senses simultaneously. Hence it plays an important role in our life. Sex has two components – pleasure and procreation. For pleasure we can go with any women/men but for procreation we need to choose the partner for good offspring.
But sex is cannot be treated like commodity since two human beings body and mind are involved. This requires some morals in human sexual activity else it becomes an animal activity. Without moral I agree with Mr. Karl , London that ‘ Moral decay is symptomatic of the disintegration of higher civilisations (see Wikipedia: Roman Empire) .’.
Appan, Hounslow, Middlesex, London, Middlesex
I have never been with a prostitute but it is the best option for sex.
1) A prostitute you get what you pay for. Easy. Like buying a sandwich
2) A date you have to spend a lot of money only for the possibility of having sex (which, 9 out of 10 times, never materializes but the woman doesn't give you back the money).
If you end up marrying this woman, it is even worse: you end up with a old fat nagging wife who you only have sex with occassionally (while you are spending money on things she wants to buy all the time). And if your wife decides to divorce you, you lose your children, your house, your assets and you have to pay a woman who has destroy your life (while she ends up laughing on the way to the bank).
I have forgotten: all this process of destruction of men is called "lerv". When your ex-wife is on the divorce court, you can feel all the "lerv" she feels for you and all the "emotional connection" you both have.
pedro, Madrid, Spain
To Jane Scott, London (and Monica, Melbourne). You are asking the wrong question. Few men would wish to marry a WORKING prostitute for the reason that most men do not want their wives sleeping with other men. If you had asked if men would marry an ex prositute who was now happy to be faithful to them, then I think many men would be fine with that - let's face it, many of todays "party going" women have had as many sexual partners as some prostitutes. The fact is most men don't particularly like thinking about their wives previous sex partners, but it's something that they have to accept. It is rare, however, to find a man who will accept his wife sleeping around after marrying her. That doesn't mean he necessarily lacks respect for single girls who do. For that reason, single men using prositutes is fine with me. I certainly don't condone married men doing so (unless in the unlikely situation of their wives giving them the OK)
Bob Finbow, Haverhill, England
For a man, there is a difference between free sex, and the sex you pay for.
The free sex always cost more.
Rich, Hobart, IN
"The question I would ask is this. Would a man who pays prostitutes for sex be happy to marry one and raise a family with her? Would he be happy if his sister were a prostitute? If so, then I guess in that sense it's OK to pay for sex - he regards prostitution simply as a job like any other, and might be as happy to marry a prostitute as, say, a waitress (another service industry). But if the answer is no, then the man has automatically decided that prostitutes are 'unworthy' of being married to him and the mother of his children. In which case, what thell is he doing consorting with them, and does he not realise that if the service provider is 'unworthy of respect' (ie not worthy of being a wife and mother) then so is the service 'consumer' (ie, him). If prostitution is demeaning and degrading to women, then it is equally so to men who use it."
To Jane Scott, London UK,
YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD!
Monica, Melbourne, Australia
Reading this article has depressed me greatly. Not because of the high proportion of men allegedly visiting prostitutes, but rather that the male opinion here suggests that there are an awful lot of men who do not like women very much.
It disturbs me that in much of this debate there is little mention of a woman's sexual needs or indeed any perceived understanding that a woman's sex drive is just as much an integral part of her being as a man's.
As a single young woman I can understand a man's need for a warm body and satisfying sexual experience with a member of the opposite sex, on a regular basis and not neccessarily with a deeper emotional connection.
I treat my sexual partners with respect and affection. I am neither a cash obsessed goldigger nor an emotional leech. I'm saddened by the male viewpoints here that a women loving them (in the emotional or sexual sense) is actually a facade for them wanting the money in their wallets. What have women done to deserve this?
Stephanie, Watford,
It's interesting that a lot of these comments from men justifying their decision to visit prostitutes do so by insulting women…… hmmmmm
Could this be part of the equation? Let me just ask…how many of you pay prostitutes for rough sex, or sex a wife or girlfriend wouldn’t be part of?
Emily, London, UK
"In the City we call it brassing. Nothing wrong with it. We usually pay for it and put it on expenses as "client entertainment
Paul Avery, London, UK"
I'm sure you do, matey.
And you usually persuade the Bank Of England to lower interest rates instead of addressing inflated house prices. Got a name for that as well, have you?
Joe, Manchester,
Who are all of you that complains about all women costing so much for dinners etc??? I don't pretend to be anywhere near the best looking guy out there and yet I've met plenty of attractive and intelligent ladies who demand paying for me as often as I pay for them.
You lot need to start looking a bit harder......
Dave, Beijing, China
Although it's not the greatest crime in the world, it's interesting that the guy's mentioned in the article are visting prostitutes when they are abroad, suggest's to me that they think it's ok to do it abroad but not in your own country, sounds a bit like a sex holiday, which doesn't say much about them. This article is misleading, lot's of men would not pay for sex with a prostitute, including myself and most of my friends wouldn't either. There is no doubt about it, most guy's that visit prostitues have little moral worth and it is just a sex act. It should also be remembered that globally woman and girl's are being expolited in the sex industry and visting brothels, looking at porn on the internet etc is only helping create more of a market. These guys need to look at the bigger picture and also think about future partners who might not be impressed.
Liam, London,
Reading nearly all the comments from the ladies about this is it any wonder we would rather pay for it than be with the like of them..
jimmy, Manila, Philippines
Character in a Woody Allen film: "I've never paid for sex in my life!"
Prostitute:"That's what YOU think, honey!"
Archie, Thrapston, England
I find it chilling that men justify their visits to prostitutes because there is no emotional attachment involved. Sex is the most intimate thing you can do with another person, surely there should be something else at the very least concern for the other person?
Are there absolutely no feelings at all? Do you treat your colleagues as people with no feelings?
It completely dehumanizes women as they are viewed not as people but as vaginas and it bascially puts men who use them on the same level as animals. Why do you think you have a mind? For men who use prostitutes, would you be happy if your mother, sister, daughter or best friend did this? Or would you be willing to be a prostitute yourself? After all if you expect women to have sex with all sorts of men for money would you be prepared to do the same? If you are not, do you then regard the prostitute as some kind of inferior being?
In Canada, 73% of prostitutes were abused as children, sadly to me that says it all.
Deanna C., Manchester, UK
Do you really believe Prostitutes actually enjoy having sex with their clients. OH please - are you crazy as well. They are actresses massaging mens egos, most of all, and earning money servicing all the losers, uglies, weirdos and emotionally & morally stunted rejects. They are certainly doing the rest of womankind a favour. Thank you girls.
If men really need to ejaculate every day, then God gave you hands to take care of that. But don't kid yourself this sort of transaction doesn't degrade you. EEWWWWW
Jodie, Geneva,
The question I would ask is this. Would a man who pays prostitutes for sex be happy to marry one and raise a family with her? Would he be happy if his sister were a prostitute? If so, then I guess in that sense it's OK to pay for sex - he regards prostitution simply as a job like any other, and might be as happy to marry a prostitute as, say, a waitress (another service industry). But if the answer is no, then the man has automatically decided that prostitutes are 'unworthy' of being married to him and the mother of his children. In which case, what thell is he doing consorting with them, and does he not realise that if the service provider is 'unworthy of respect' (ie not worthy of being a wife and mother) then so is the service 'consumer' (ie, him). If prostitution is demeaning and degrading to women, then it is equally so to men who use it.
To me, that's the acid test of a man who pays prostitutes for sex. It's the men who despise prostitutes socially who are the real jerks.
jane scott, London, UK
Do the men doing this not realise that no decent woman will ever go near them again once they find out??? Truly repulsive.
Girl, London,
1. Prostitutes exist (have always existed, will always exist) not just because of the way men are, but also because of the way women are - sex is a bargaining chip, for both genders, whether or not they are prostitutes, whether or not they visit prostitutes.
2. I want a satisfying sexual encounter with a woman who is sober, charming, eager to give me pleasure, not self-obsessed, not full of hang-ups, and aware enough of her own body to have consistently taken the necessary precautions to remain disease-free? - that'll be the escort, then.
Jerry, Rennes, France
I cannot understand why men pay for sex, especially these days when so many women are willing to get into bed with a man just because they like him a little. You have to be quite desperate to pay for sex, admittedly sometimes a partner hasnt been considerate or is too depressed and worried about something. But to pay regularly, is strange and pointless. Sex with a loved one is so vastly superior that paying for it regularly is alienating and demeaning.
B, Karachi, Pakistan
If sex hadn't become recreation instead of procreation because of 'safe sex', prostitution wouldn't be so popular.
Ned, Rome, Italy
a fair number of the comments state trafficing and abuse of the woman in question as something inherent in the transaction, most of the individuals in the article went abroad to visit a prostitute to avoid this. It might be better to look at the different aspects of this issue rather than decry it as a whole. obviously some aspects are totally unquestionably wrong, that doesn't mean that every situation fits this sordid sterotype. another sitation requiring more nuanced investigation rather than sweeping soundbyte condemnation.
Ben, folkestone, uk
I've always considered the idea of going to prostitutes to be a little distasteful for English men. It would be interesting to see how the 9 per cent compares to the percentage in other European countries or America.
I'm sure it is the sort of thing that could brighten up an octagenarians latter years. Also it may prevent potential rapists from doing something worse. However allowing that it will inevitably occur no matter how far underground it is driven, surely the only thing that can be done is to try and regulate the industry to prevent whatever harm can be avoided.
Ro, Cheltenham,
Unlike english woman Aussie woman are so horny men only go to a pro to get some rest
Jamie , Adelaide , Australia
I agree, I am a 23 year old very attractive worker in the city and am disappointed that men cannot seem to be satisfied with just one woman (and porn etc). I am currently single, but if that changed I hate the idea that I could not be enough for him. I think it is a shame that's all.
Men do not pay for having girlfriends! Or at least, me. They would pay as much as I pay for example transport to see each other or whatever. Girls of my age do not need to be bought things and if they are, they tend to return the favour.
If a man is happy (yes, HAPPY) to get sex from a prostitute, and women are increasingly sleeping around/seeing male prostitutes - what on earth is the point?
Next time a man asks why I am single I shall have a decent reply! "Because you see prostitutes!"
Rebecca, London, UK
Doubt I'd ever even consider it in Glasgow. The girls you see in the town centre are riddled with drugs and probably ever STI known to man. I have dabbled in a few other countries, Moscow having by far the most beautiful girls. I don't see anything wrong with it.
Allan, Glasgow,
Every woman has its price. At least majority.
Altreone, Genova,
'its' price? Charming.
SW, UK,
Surely this is one of the last perks of business travel - opportunities to meet with prostitutes in anonymous hotels ? Definitely nothing wrong with it.
Max Leffen, London, UK
In the U.S. there are "escorts", are these women prostitutes also?
Sue, NY, NY
I think the real reason whymen prefer paying for sex is that women now are so materialistic until you must spend cash before sex is even considered and even then its ont gauunteed that sex will be on the menue so, why go through those changes its too time consuming. When to go to a prostisute everything is undrestood oppose to taking a woman out on dates, shopping sprees and trips only to get a kiss on the chhek after investing hundreds or thousands of dollars and time for the thanks I had a great time at the end of the night as if she did'nt realize what a man was expecting after investing so much.
Eric lee, Dubai, UAE
whats the difference between a wife/girlfriend and a prostitute.
at least the prostitute tells you before how much its going to cost
antonio, london, uk
The sanctimonious uncomprehending attitude of several of the female comments on this page illustrate very well the reasons why a man would go to a prostitute. A good prostitute is cheaper, easier to get along with, better at massaging your ego (and anything else that may need massaging)probably better looking and much less annoying than your average woman. You do what you want, she pretends you're really good at it and then it's over. You don't have to hear about their day at the office or little Jimmy's new tooth ad nauseum. You don't have to deal with their needs. You just pay them and then they leave. What could be better ?
Wad, Bangkhok, Thailand
In the City we call it brassing. Nothing wrong with it. We usually pay for it and put it on expenses as "client entertainment"
Paul Avery, London, UK
Why do so many people assume that if money changes hands, then there are "no emotional ties". People's emotions work 100% of the time, regardless of the situation they're in. Another thing is switching off and not acknowledging those emotions.
Nothing is black and white.
rob, Barcelona, Spain
"I hope that by showing how common this is we can start to demystify commercial sex.â€
- (Yawn!) Thank you, Dr. Kinsey.
"But again, is it really any worse than picking up a girl in a bar and lying his way into her pants simply because he was horny? Having been that girl, now I’m not entirely sure."
- What! Did he play some Jedi mind trick on you? If you had had any limits, he could never have crossed them. Besides, what about your responsibility to him?
Kevin, London,
This is disturbing, because there is usually more to it than one can see. Perhaps many, or even most, prostitutes are not desperate or drug-addicted or exploited. But inevitably, many are, and all "johns" contribute to this market despite their claims of innocence. And thus the sex-slave trafficking and other associated evils.
I was a young single man once and from time to time I went without female companionship. It wasn't fun at the time but sometimes dignity--forgive the concept if it's regarded as corny nowadays--is more important than fun. Now happily married with wonderful teenaged children, I've never looked back and thought, "Blast, I should have bought women during the dry spells."
The last thing we need is to remove the stigma from buying sex. Antiquated though my view may be, I fully support that stigma, and everyone who has daughters should support it with the same vigour.
Andrew, Akron, Ohio/USA
I am not surprised. I wouldn't say it is as high as 90% but I do think a lot of guys do or have been to prostitutes. I never have however I'm not too keen on pointing the finger at other men that do. There's a lot of complex issues here. Why is it so hard to pick up a girl? Why is it so hard to be honest about having a one night stand? I think the reason most men aren't surprised that a lot have been to prostitutes is that we only talk to each other about these things. Just as women choose to talk about certain things only between their own kind. If women knew the truth about certain "wonderful" men then maybe the balance might change. This would need men to be more honest. If women didn't like assholes so much then again maybe things might change. And if men were less like assholes things might change... However there are a lot of good guys out there who haven't been to pros.... if that is such an issue for you, keep looking and look deeper.
BigSi, BROOKLYN, NY
"95% of UK prostitutes are thought to be addicted to drugs"... utter rubbish. Maybe there are a high percentage of drug users amongst the street walking girls, a minority of "working girls" these days. The vast majority of massage parlour girls and escorts do not use drugs at all; they are healthy and usually very attractive young women that have made a concious decision to "work" for a few years and earn very good money. Preferable employment for those of them that would otherwise finish up on a supermarket checkout earning little more than the minimum hourly wage rate. Neither is it as simple as that; many high class evening escorts also have responsible day jobs and 'moonlight' because they enjoy male company without any strings attached and can also be very well paid into the bargain.
Roger, Derby,
I'm a member of the demographic in question. To qualify, I have a fulfilling and busy social life outside of seeing pros, and I am attractive to alot of the girls I like - no problems there. But the benefits far outweigh the costs for me. I think they've been listed but to recap: beautiful girls, very good at sex, similar £££ to a girlfriend, no guilt or commitment.
Many pro girls do infact choose this profession, and a good proportion of those enjoy it and are an absolute joy to be with.
Naturally, one day I'll decide it's time to meet a girl to settle down with, I think it's a biological certainty that I can feel creeping up. In the meantime it's a no-brainer.
The biggest point to be made is about exploitation. I'm not sure who uses these trafficked and unwilling girls. These men are the people to chase and prosecute, to cut off demand and dry up that market. It is sickening that these men find it such fun to have such expolitative sex (i.e rape with money involved).
John, London,
As a man, I'm against paying for sex with women --not because of some faux "see-my-sensitive-PC-halo" empathy, but because I find it demeaning to me *as a man*. For me to respect any woman, she has to earn it--I don't give it out automatically, and I don't try to buy her favour with drinks, gifts, or direct cash payments. When the pickings are slim, I prefer celibacy to lowering my standards to be with women with crap attitudes/crap skills (non-prostitutes), or women who think they deserve payment.
While I'm not threatened by the prospect of outlawing female prostitution, there is no way that I will stand for *men* being deprived of women's compensation when we service them with our superior skills.
Don R Kebab, Polvovilla,
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion,and both sides of the discussion are trying their best to justify their opinion;but the feeling I get from reading most of the comments is that the last thing a woman should do is getting involved with a man. It certainly has put me off ,I don't think I can look at guys now and not wonder what they've been up to,apparently especially when they've been abroad. One thing is for sure, I certainly can't picture myself ever wanting to get married,and I think that the girls who are fed with stories about finding Mr.Right,should be given a link to the comments of this article. That'll for sure bring them round to their senses.
Line Larsen, Aarhus, Danmark
When living in Tokyo I was sat at my regular bar chatting to the well-travelled good-looking young owner and another young female customer. He started to chat about the prostitutes he had picked up in different countries and compared them to those available in Kabuki-cho (Tokyos red-light district). The normal middle-class girl sat giggling at his tales and they both displayed complete incomprehension when I said I had only once paid directly for sex 5 years earlier. The conversation left me in two minds. I had seen the scouts for these girls on Tokyo's streets and I had a hard time formulating any large moral objection as they genuinely entered the prossion by chioce. At the same time despite living in Japan for 2 and a half yrs and speaking the language, the sudden thought that this is a society so materialistic that such a large amount of normal women gain more self-value from a Louis Vitton handbag than their bodies was very depressing.
Dave, Beijing, China
I used to be a teacher and I bumped into an ex-pupil in a local pub in Cardiff. She was upfront about being an 'escort girl', she explained what she was earning, where she was investing the money and explained that two other pupils I taught were also 'escorts' (although not as well regarded as her). To her it was a job, to me it was terrible that she had made this decision and I asked her why, her rational was that it was better than McDonalds and she was earning more than I was, she was in control of her own employment and it struck me as being true, she had also bought a nice house in a nice area. I may not have liked her choice but then I don't like many people's choices and at the end of the day it was her choice, and she made it with her eyes open as a career, and was doing well at it with no regrets. I now support regulated legalisation, something which I didn't before.
Mark, Cardiff, Wakes
Sex & relationships with women .... some say it's a question of "pay now or pay later" .... but I think an encounter with a prostitute is the most honest one because both parties (should) know what they're in it for ... the man receives a biological / physiological release that he needs, the woman receives the economic compensation she requires .... so long as you use condoms, what's wrong with that?
Having lived in Asia for 7 years now where prostitution is far more widespread / open than in the west, I may have grown sanguine about it, but I genuinely don't see what's wrong with an economic transaction between consenting adults...
And to all those talking about "morals" (a highly subjective view in any event), how terrible this all is, how they feel sick etc etc etc ad nauseam .... to be frank, I suggest you all grow up
Mike, Singapore,
Melanie from Scotland says "there has only been one instance where a client could have threatened my safety."
I'm afraid that this is one too many, the unfortunate realities are that most men are generally physically stronger than most women, and that although - for the reasons described in the article about why men may go to prostitutes - many will be decent enough people who are undertaking a straightforward transaction, there are men, probably a disproportionate number in the demographic who visit prostitutes, who are dangerous.
If people feel sex is a commodity which can be uncomplicatedly bought and sold, I can tell them that there are lots of other commodities which can be bought and sold which will earn more money, and where no-one will try to physically attack you.
Chris, Leeds,
"it is perhaps not surprising that 95 per cent of UK prostitutes are thought to be addicted to drugs". There is no evidence for this at all - unless alcohol / tobacco are included. Of the 30+ girls I have visited over the past year, none exhibited outward signs of addiction, none were coerced and around 1/3 were english. None of then were 'streetwalkers', all worked in shared flats / did visits to hotels etc. That's not to say there is a problem with trafficing, just that prostitution existed millenia before such a concept. And a note for Helen E - 1. this is not confined to men,2. what exactly does she think is the basis for the marriage contract & 3. why? 4. what's it got to do with you?
Peter Bench, London,
I am a tall, attractive, professional 30 year old man. i have two degrees both from top 10 universities and i work in investment banking. i spend part of my weeknds doing 'community' work and i also play a lot of sport. i have never struggled to find attractive and intelligent women to date - both long term and short term.
i have visited prostitutes on several occasions. sometimes because i have been a little drunk and horny. sometimes because i havent had any physical contact with a woman for a number of weeks. perhaps it is the latter point that suggests that men do need sex. on every occasion i enjoyed the act. it was consensual, fun, and exciting. i'd also like to think the women i paid for enjoyed it, but i cant guarantee that
i like to think that this article is accurate in its depiction of your typical 'punter'. we are just normal guys, not dribbling neandertals with halitosis and a twitch
witheld, London,
'But again, is it really any worse than picking up a girl in a bar and lying his way into her pants simply because he was horny?'
Does the woman play no part in this at all. Is she so emotionally fragile that she can not use her own mind to make decisions for herself?
Pete, hitchin, herts
Behind all prostitution is so much misery that it seems quite impossible to me to pay off any feeling of guilt.
And for the false impression the guy does not want to impose on a prostitute, that is usually not the case from the ladies vantage point.
robert, vancouver, bc
Well said Hugo.
I was in a motorbike crash when I was younger and although I have had reconstructive surgery I basically have a face only a mother can love.
The only physical contact I can get is from women I have to pay, and I'm not proud of it. Feel free to judge me all you like, but some of us aren't paying to dominate or abuse women, but paying for the kind of interraction that most people take for granted.
Ideally I'd like to go out on dates and go through the usual courtship rituals, but I haven't gone out with a woman in sixteen years and I can't see that changing anytime soon. Unless any of the women who see fit to judge fancy taking me out for a meal.
Cal
Cal, London, UK
Any man with money, especially living in high-income parts of Britain, would be certifiably insane to get into a serious relationship or marriage and or have kids in the UK with the financial penalties heaped upon him if or when it all goes wrong. The law concerning relationships and the actions of the family courts have now ensured that a husband/father role is nothing more than a source of income for a woman. So much for emancipation!!
It is no wonder at all that men pay for sex. It delivers all the benefits and has none of the downside.
Where the girl comes from, whether or not she is a drug addict or exploited etc etc is irrelevant to the question of why affluent men seek out prostitutes. Those are just issues of supply.
bobby tran, enfield,
So far 68 posts and the word "Love" was only used 5 times (in its correct context!). OK here's my take on it..
1. Sex and Love are different BUT one should be an expression of the other.
2. Emotional OR Financial exploitation of people is wrong, doesn't matter how you package it, its wrong OK?
3. Sex always will be, But shouldn't be a commodity - Charles Darwin called the law of supply and demand for sex 'Natural Selection', humans invented money
4. Sex is a wonderful way of communicating emotions that can be used to bring people closer together and bring meaning to life.... but so is the Internet
5. Desire is easier to buy into than idealism, and more cost effective to advertise
6. Moral decay is symptomatic of the disintegration of higher civilisations (see Wikipedia: Roman Empire)
7, Commercialisation of sex, free love has seriously devalued a sensual experience on so many different levels.
8. If you can't be good at least have some respect for the client or 'escort.
Karl, London, England
No phenomenon exists in a vacuum. Could be fascinating to read a follow-up article explaining what makes this more and more socially acceptable...
Amongst other things: why such a fear of 'commitment'? Why are so many seemingly quite happy living without a permanent link to another human being? Why is money seen as being able to buy a release from that inner 'agression'? What does it all say about our contemporary world? And how will it alter the face of our society?
Andrew, Eastern Canada,
Many studies have been carried out on the seedier side of prostitution ie. streetscene and this is where the information that 95% of UK prostitutes are drug riddled, pimped victims of society originates. This isn't true of all of the industry. My suggestion would be, men are travelling abroad and meeting prostitutes because of cheaper rates, stag nights abroad phenomina, and as a result of work which takes them abroad.
As an internet escort for the last 5yrs, I'm neither pimped, drug/ STI riddled, or exploited. Taxes have been paid on my immoral earnings, and many of the escorts I know pay theirs too.
The decisions on who to meet up with, what 'services' I will provide are my own. Ten to twelve clients a month is my average, I wouldn't want any more, and there has only been one instance where a client could have threatened my safety.
Many people have hang-ups about sex, and I wouldn't expect them to understand what I do but it has been my choice .
Melanie, Edinburgh, Scotland
I get annoyed when men who look at Pornography and visit prostitutes are labelled as perverts. This is simply not the case, men were designed to think about sex all the time, this is how nature ensure the survival of humanity. Without is man could of died out many years ago.
Despite the idea that we are to stay in a faithful relationship and have sex only when "she is up for it" men are programmed to want to have sex often and with multiple partners. This is not something a man chooses, we have very little choice in this and to try to not act on these feelings lead to aggression and frustration.
Some men would not agree but while being morally superior genetically speaking they are weak, only the genetically fittest survive remember.
Prostitutes provide a service to men, they get paid well and the vast majority enjoy their job. I live in a city where brothels are legal and there is no forced prostitution, legal brothels can be an effective way of ensuring less rapes are commited.
AussieBloke, Brisbane, Australia
In the City we call it brassing. Nothing wrong with it. We usually pay for it and put it on expenses as "client entertainment"
Paul Avery, London, uk
no wonder why the rate of stds is going up.
If you ever want kids and you've perviously been having sex with call girls, who most probably have vaginal bits like a cave;from being screwed by thousands of other men, you'll find your infertile, ha ha ha!
Personally, experimentation and fun with someone you love and trust is far more rewarding.
men who cant hold down a girlfriend clearly need to take a look at there personality (or there small/infected.... penis)
missy, herfordshire,
no wonder why the rate rapes and stds are going up..
im sure non of these men care about getting aids or chylmedia, which is soon to hit a crisis level?
Perhaps men who have sex with call girls, should take a look at there personality...(or there .....INFECTED/ INCYwincy PENIS!!) ha.
cause clealy they cant hold down a girlfriend. Once you find you do want kid's you'll find your infertile from all that fucking around, ha ha ha.
oh yeh..im sure having sex with call girls, who work all hours, must be like screwing a cave.....
Personally i find sex is far more rewarding with a partner, who you love and trust, can experiment and have fun with.......
Men who use call girls must have such dull uninteresting lifes..........and need to make a few friends.....get out in the world
mr, upwey,
The problem is that this ‘industry’ is so varied. Claiming that 90% are on drugs may (?) apply to street workers; in fact most of the broad statements about prostitutes seem to assume that they all work on the streets. But there are plenty of women working in massage parlours, privately in flats or even from their own homes. I have been visiting such prostitutes for 3 years and hardly recognise some of the statements in these posts. In my experience it's a minority who do drugs and they seem to use them recreationally in a way no different from others in their age group. One poster said he'd visited a prostitute in Amsterdam, and found it a meaningless experience. 20 mins with a woman chosen from a window will bear little comparison with 2 hours spent with a woman chosen with some care, so let’s not generalize from the one to the other. For an in-depth insight into some real experiences of paid sex see: http://www.willanpublishing.co.uk/cgi-bin/indexer?product=9781843923213
Hugh , Oxford,
Went to a massage parlour today in the midlands. The girls there were english students from University earning extra cash to fund their fees, accomodation and travel costs. These girls also escort during the evenings. There were no trafficked girls, no underage girls, no drugs, not even any smoking !!
I loved it. Never got to sleep with any students when I were a lad 20 years ago, but with the net, nowadays these places are easy to find.
I am happily married with 2 children, and I go to this place because it is there and it is a new exciting experience for me, and I can pop in for 1/2 hour on the way home.
John, Nottingham,
Early 30's male. UK is a place where people can get no strings attached sex at the click of their fingers? Perhaps I'm 'really' missing something, but that doesn't seem the case for most guys. The fabled "one night stand" usually takes place from clubs where beautiful people choose the beautiful people,and the leftovers only end up getting together because they're both smashed out of their heads.I'm a nice guy,boyish looks and polite.I've always been like that since a young Boy. My problem is not my looks or my confidence,funnily enough. It is just that women hardly ever go further beyond the polite friendship with me.I never see strong clear signals.On the contrary I think a lot of men here are led on far too often here in UK, with no intention of the woman honouring it. I've had a few girlfriends and a sex life with them,but most of them were conning me one way or another. I'm sick of it. I visit prostitutes when abroad. You blame me when I'm rejected elsewhere?
Alex, West, Britain
Jess, you are naive. Not all people who use prostitutes are married - I'm single so who am I hurting; the girls who stand on the streets are mostly on drugs but the ones who work from their own flats aren't - clearly you couldn't spend the night or even days with a guy if you had a habit to feed. You're sucking up all the stereotypes that are portrayed in the media. I'm sure your friend had a bad time but that's one person - you don't say what form of prostitution was involved but I'm guessing it was street prostitution which is hardly typical. What it boils down to is I'm single and I like to have sex with beautiful women - who under normal circumstances would be out of my league or who I'd get once in a blue moon. The prostitute wants money, I want sex. As long as she's doing it of her own free will and not to support a pimp or a drug habit where's the harm?
kevin, london, UK
The fact of the matter is that, contrary to feminist myth, most men don't jump into bed with a different woman each weekend. Many men, for one reason or another, because they are quiet, lack confidence or simply aren't physically attractive, will find long periods spent without female company. No one will ever know, in particular the women who comment here, how much one can long for the touch and scent of a woman.
So there will be dark periods in men's lives when paying for sex will be considered - even though any sort of emtional connect is entirely manufactured, they will think that it is better than none at all.
Hugo, London
-- Excellent post Hugo! I hope those sitting in judgement and those making all sorts of sweeping generalizations will re-read your comment a couple of times. Why do you all pretend that single men (and women) don't have physical needs just like those in relationships? Contrary to prevailing ideology, you can do this w/o hurting anyone!
Joe, Ontario, Canada
It's a job -- the problem is that most societies abuse the people who do this job (both women and men are guilty of this stigmatisation and abuse). Legal systems operate to perpetuate the lack of safety for those working in this business.
In any job we "sell" ourselves, whether it be our physical or mental attributes that are sold.
Legalisation, whether it be of prostitution or drugs, is the only way to remove criminality and wholesale exploitation.
Those that are so vociferous in their condemnation should examine themselves more closely - your clothes made by slave labour (often children) in India or China, your Tropicana orange juice produced on pepsico plantations that engage in slavery type conditions etc.
Phil M, London, UK
“strings-free sex is a greater possibility ..."
Its just that ... a possibility! Usually, there is too much competition (from guys who are pretty much full time into finding such girls) and then no certainty of getting any! When paying for it, you know what you are getting, there is the certainty of getting it and you know for sure it is "strings-free" ... Besides, most girls these days tend to have had sex with so many guys ... there is probably not a whole lot of extra STD risk associated with a prostitute as compared to, say, picking someone in a club.
John, London,
Writing as a prostitute, I would just like to point out that while the figure of "95% of sex workers are drug addicts" *may* be true for street workers, there are many other ways of being a prostitute other than walking the streets. There are parlours and escort agencies and women who have freely chosen to work in and/or for them. There are also hundreds and possibly thousands of independant women working for themselves. None of these choices are compatible with heavy drug use.
While I acknowledge that people-trafficking and forced prostitution exist in this country, there are also many "Happy Hookers" who are fed up being told how abused we are, by people who really haven't the faintest clue but who have read a newpaper headline.
And we are, incidentally, visited by men who range in age from 18 up to not-quite-dead-yet, and from all income levels, educational backgrounds and so forth. Who pays for sex? Just look around you.
Caitlin, Glasgow,
As usual, in their quest for "it all"; the "package", power and control, women have gone far too far and are totally alienated from their spirituality and I fear their intelligence. They have only themselves to blame.
Jeffrey Moore, Toulouse, France
If rappers use or refer to prostitutes that's no endorsement - quite the reverse.
And why conclude with this like its revelatory:
"The cold truth is that many men today, regardless of how eligible, rich and dashing they may be, don’t go to prostitutes because they can’t get laid. They go because, frankly, it’s an easier way of getting laid."
- that's not a conclusion, its an obvious starting point.
"The reality is, you go to a prostitute because you are not very good in bed and they won't complain.
Emanuelle , Paris"
You might be called Emanuelle and live in Paris, but on this point you are wrong. The reality is men do it to please themselves - maybe escaping women like you.
"Man to woman - 'Would you have sex with me if I gave you £50,000?'
Woman to man - ' Yes'
Man - ' How about for £10?'
Woman - 'What kind of girl do you think I am?'
Man - 'We've already established that, now we're just agreeing a price.'"
LOL, yes.
Was "Belle de Jour" real ? - it was never clear.
Joe, Manchester,
Im fourteen.i find it sickening, i just dont see why cant be honest with people if they want a one night stand. theres properly gerna be comments and people calling me naive but i am really just being realistic.women get killed for being protistutes like the ipswitch murders.they mostly had drug addictions or children which tehy had to make money for. and most prostutes are happy doing what theyre doing.my cousin got into protution because she was raped and felt worthless. she is clever and has 4 a levals. shes been in hospital 2 for suicide. she doesnt know what to do with herself, how is that just a buisiness transaction. if you dont want to pay for things for women then just tell them to go to hell and try getting a new girlfriend. and one comment on here made me feel particulry sick, by a man from massage man.so sick, didnt know stuff lik that was legal, anywere. worse than prostitution. prostituion is a thing that causes unfairness between the sexes, it just gives guys more power.
Jess, Oxford,
what is the problem exactly with all this?
dean, ipswich,
Maybe we should be grateful prostitution even exists. If the wars of the past 100 years have taught us nothing, they have at least shown that most men will even willing commit rape, given occasion, opportunity, and little chance of legal reprisal. Base animals, little more. After reading this article, it has turned me off of marriage altogether. Slim pickins out there, I'm afraid.
Nicola, London, UK
Try Googling the word escort instead of prostitute and you will be enlightened to a whole different scenario where the women see the sex business as a career of choice and are working entirely of their own free will and enjoying it to boot.
Gone are the days of the statistic that 95% of sex workers are on the street and on drugs. The 21st century sex industry is a whole new ball game and its very likely that some of your work colleagues and neighbours are involved in it somewhere - they just wont be telling you about it purely becasue of the social stigma.
Jane M, London, UK
I would summize that in these days of messy divorces and big support payments/cash settlements/custody battles that for many men - especially those with lofty career goals - seeking out the services of a prostitute satisfies a need in their busy lives much like seeking out the services of a McDonald's does when they're hungry except there's no suspicion and risk of someone taking half their money somewhere down the line. Fast food meets fast sex!
Scott Millson, Toronto, Canada
I always pay for drinks, restaurant, clothes and travel etc had fun, the tears and the pain of making the young, free! and single ladies go away afterwards.
If the ladies of the night are treated with respect and are happy with their lives then I can't see no problems with men/women using their services, especially if UK legalise and control safety of the working girls.
Quin, London, UK
It makes me laugh. Men need sex? Well, of course. We all need sex, but no-one ever died because they didn't have sex.
If a man lacks that self-control, he really needs therapy. Bless.
Sarah, Gillingham,
Maybe I am what you would deem a bad guy, but I would not pay for sex. There are a lot of women now days that want no emotional attachment, just the sex. So it works out for everyone, as I explained to a female friend of mine, the "easy" women take the pressure off of the "long term relationship" women.
Steve, Limerick, Ireland
I suspect these chaps who pay for it are workoholic, socially inept types who don't have enough personality to keep a potential girlfriend interested for long.
Anyway, why pay for sex when you can cruise through Tiger Tiger on a Friday night and pick up a squiffy 18 to 40-year-old for free?!
Sascha, London,
Most of these people who have quoted their morals highs about it i wonder how many have actually been in these places... Some are just bars with girls enjoying themselves ,flirting with men,they choose to flirt with and if the man is interested it goes to the next step. Yes there are some seedy places,but if the girl does not like you,your attitude,your looks they will not be interested to start with.As the article says many are young ,good looking ,normal men not all your Gary Glitters of the world... you have a much chance of getting something from a one night stand with a drunk girl from your local pub that has been through the local pub.. In these places esp abroad they are fun places, the girls love the attention and of course the money.Alot of them enjoy sex a plus to get paid for it !!
Jim, man, Philippines
Men, there is a huge difference between picking up a girl in a bar and paying a woman for sex. Most of you seem to feel that it is a fair exchange of one commodity for another. Write what you like, but you know that you are kidding yourself to make yourself feel better. Pimps and brothel owners take the majority share of the money that the girls make and aside from a small percentage of high-end call girls, most of the girls don't earn very much money. In third-world countries a lot of girls are sold into the sex trade and it's virtually impossible for them to pay off their debt.
I don't have a moral issue with men (or women) paying for sex, providing the sex workers are not being exploited. Men, would you feel differently if that was your sister, daughter or mother selling herself to several men a day for a small amount of money.
The reality is, you go to a prostitute because you are not very good in bed and they won't complain.
Emanuelle , Paris,
The price of marriage is far too high, she'll walk out and take half or more. And while she's still there you have to put up with all those moods.
John Ledbury, Kings Lynn, England
A variation of the Jack Nicholson quote.
"I don't pay her to come, I pay her to go!"
Even David Niven in his book The Moon is a Balloon describes how he enjoyed both the services and the friendship of a prostitute to develop his social skills with other more socially mobile women. A transaction that he found both enjoyable and very useful for his future career.
The prostitutes I enjoyed in Moscow were not only beautiful but also students at University who for their own reasons did what they did. We had good fun, but it was always just a transaction and it ended when we parted ways. Nothing more nothing less.
Jonathan Buchanon, London,
The fact of the matter is that, contrary to feminist myth, most men don't jump into bed with a different woman each weekend. Many men, for one reason or another, because they are quiet, lack confidence or simply aren't physically attractive, will find long periods spent without female company. No one will ever know, in particular the women who comment here, how much one can long for the touch and scent of a woman.
So there will be dark periods in men's lives when paying for sex will be considered - even though any sort of emtional connect is entirely manufactured, they will think that it is better than none at all.
There was once such a dark period in my life - and, although a modestly successful young lawyer, as a quiet and shy young man I found myself alone. And I stood outside a 'house' in the City - thought long and hard and then turned away. Though I know of others who took that last step. Thankfully I was later 'rescued' by a wonderful woman whom I later married.
Hugo, London,
Nothing wrong with paying for sex, it's a service which has been around since the start of time.. If you don't like it, don't do it.. Simple.. If someone wants to sell their services then so be it... I've been to prositutes, most the men I know have... I don't see what the problem is.. I prefer it to a guy I work with, who gets women drunk lies to them about liking them, then proceeds to have average sex, (probably without a condom) never to call the girl again... girls might enjoy sex, so sex and money, sounds good!
Adam Webb, Mk, UK
most of those who are abused or enslaved by the sex industry in this country are only in that unfortunate position due to the the fact that prostitution is not "acceptable" or properly regulated (and nor is immigration). their unfortunate position should not form an argument against prostitution itself.
as for the sexism aspect of it, sisters, what could be more abusive than taking advantage of men's uncontrollable physical urges to make money out of them. you're no better than drug pushers. in the true spirit of feminism, you should be giving it away for free. but you all make us pay, whether financially or emotionally. to say sex is all about men controlling women is to turn the world on its head.
it's not just militant types using sex as a weapon, as every husband will tell you. where is the woman's obligation to treat every man with respect, eh?
jem, london, uk
Is there not an argument that housewives should be paid for work and services rendered? If one believes that a service has value, should it not be paid for? This is simply a case of out-sourcing one particular service: as are cleaners, cooks and drivers. The 9% figure is laughable. More than 9% of women have paid for sex when abroad on holidays. It does not always involve the handing over of cold cash.
fuguez, London,
It's surprising that hardly anyone has even touched on the fact so many prostitutes do not choose to sell themselves. It's not surprising so many men justify their actions with the narrow view that these women 'choose' to sell their bodies and therefore it's ok.
The sex-trafficking industry is growing rapidly, because the demand is there. Women from eastern europe and further afield are brought to the UK on false promises, then trapped in prostitution, locked up in brothels with no way of escape and deprived of travel documents so that an escape would be futile.
It would be lovely to believe that there are these sexual creatures out there, who love sex and love getting paid for it, but these women either don't exist or are in the firm minority.
We all have human desire, but we also have the means to control it. I certainly don't need to have sex so much I could knowlingly ruin someone's life in the process.
phil, sutton, UK
Most men have no problem with this concept. It is only some women who feel jealous that don't approve of this and keep it a taboo.
Chris, London,
I am a man in my late-50s and every day since the age of 14 I have either masturbated or had sex. As my wife's libido has declined in recent years I now masturbate more. Recently I started to visit massage parlours where I pay for naked women to massage me and then masturbate me. I cannot bring myself to have intercourse with a prostitute but oddly I feel no regret about my "massages". I enjoy seeing the younger women naked and they are very sensitive and aware of what an older man is seeking from them. We usually chat away quite comfortably about what is on for the weekend, etc and I find that relaxes me - which is obviously why they do it.
I have no illusions about the role playing they are doing but it is a service I find very fulfilling and will probably enjoy for many years to come. I have one friend who has confided he does the same but I have never told him that in fact it was him who gave me the idea. I honestly suspect that many of my other male friends do similar.
massage man, Melbourne, Australia
It is simple.
Men NEED sex. That is what a lot of women cannot seem to understand. If they must blame something then they should blame testosterone because that is what causes it. These days, unconditional sex is available to all those who want it, women included. And why should it not be this way! It is, after all, a perfectly natural instinct.
SEX is great, better with someone you love but still great with someone you don't!
Mark, Oslo, Norway
As a woman I don't see anything wrong with it, much better than sleeping with one of your friends, obviously it goes without saying the 'consumer' should practice safe sex.
DCH, Nottingham, UK
One fact everyone seems to have missed is that if you pay for sex with a prostitute, it usually works out much cheaper than having sex with a girlfriend or one night stand you end up feeling guilty about and stringing along....
P S Simon, London,
Lets be absoloutly honest .. cards on the table etc .... there is a fundamental problem with the monogamous marriage. Men need sex on a daily basis .. a wife and mother of 20 years standing does not ... prostitiuton provides a solution. Providing it is discreet and tactful it almost certainly contributes to the maintenance of many hundeds of thousands of marriages which would otherwise almost certainly collapse.
andy, lyon, france
Man to woman - 'Would you have sex with me if I gave you £50,000?'
Woman to man - ' Yes'
Man - ' How about for £10?'
Woman - 'What kind of girl do you think I am?'
Man - 'We've already established that, now we're just agreeing a price.'
GJB, Slough, BERKSHIRE
Dear petra from london
its sad u feel you being compared to 'third world women' but your attitude is worse than those 3rd ww who you think deserve wat you are getting.
no wonder u seem bitter u not getting laid by the london boys!! try changing ur racial mindset n you wont regret at all.
cyprian, nairobi, kenya
I thought we all paid for sex, one way or another!
Neil, Gloucestershire, England
If these guys think that prostitutes have no emotions they're fooling themselves. I wouldn't think there are many girls who choose this type of work rather than being forced into it by circumstances (addiction, coercion, kidnapping etc). People I have known in this line of work tend to have nothing but contempt for the 'Johns', and can easily be pharmed by this paid-for abuse....
eric mccleave, paris, france
Every woman has its price. At least majority.
Altreone, Genova,
Oh great, is this why single women can't find guys interested in having sex? So we get to sit at home being nice girls until someone decides it's time to settle down, like in third world countries.
I'm not against prostituion but I thought the usage rate, cheapness and normality of prostitution would be correlated to the sexes having little overlap in lives in a particular country. ie the third world again.
Not every woman thinks the guy she went home with is so unique and worthy that she wants to follow him round the next day.
Petra , London,
I know dozens of women in London who regularly fly to Turkey or Jamaica for sex. It's not a male thing, but an obvious benefit of wealth that you can have sex without paying a social price. It's also worth noting that prostitutes in other parts of the world are considerably less sad than the desparate women working the streets in Europe - they have an economic advantage in poorer countries - though obviously nothing can compete with the earning potential of high class madams in London. It is slightly different when the relationship is empowering to BOTH parties.
Lyssa Jacobus, London,
Perhaps people need to be more open on sex in general. Why can't men pay for sex? and why is it supposedly morally unacceptable? It's a biological urge for men that society seems to want to repress.It seems to me the whole dating "game" is based upon women using sex to get what they want and men trying to deceive them to obtain it. That may sound a bit harsh but I think if you bottomline it, thats often the way it is. Maybe if paid for sex was normalised we'd date more honestly, and not use sex as a way of getting something. Perhaps if we make sex more freely available and socially acceptable there would be less sex related crime.
And just to balance it out, why can't women also go and have sex with less social stigma?
We seem to be trying to make something we all enjoy hard to achieve.
K1T, London,
Ummm, some women may enjoy anonymous sex as well as men, and consider the money as a side benefit. Prostitutes have all sorts of personalities, motives, and emotions like all humans.
Hugging, caring, and thoughtfulness do not neccessarily vanish in the presence of money.
bill, Quincy , CA
I have lived in Bangkok for many years and travel alot with my work.
I had quite a few (non-prostitute) girlfriends when living in the UK.
One of my thoughts on this is that "Most of the women I've been with were prostitutes - all the women I've been with have cost me money".
Also a great quote "You don't pay a prostitute for sex, you pay her to go away afterwards".
I totally agree that the lack of emotional attachment is where hookers have the edge.
Andrew Munn, Bangkok, Thailand
How many women would work prostituting themselves if as much money was offered in their other choice of work? How does the normalising of prostution in Western societies benefit women? It doesn't ; it benefits men.
Ever wondered why women's average wages are so much lower than men's, and why this has defeated all government efforts to drag up women's rates of pay - not just in the UK but in most countries. It's no accident. It's not just "the way things are".
It is men who organise the economy for their own comfort and convenience. They need a slave class, and this includes sex slaves.
Dale, Wellington,
I really think "The Handmaid's Tale" should be required reading for everyone in modern Britain, women especially.
The whole concept of paying for sex is just so sad and empty and I really feel so sorry for these men who try to convince themselves that it's ok.
Vanessa, London, UK
I am 35 years old and I pay for sex. I don't feel embarrased for that and I even befriend some of my favourite and regular "girlfriends". I have got a honest and clean relationship with my "girlfriends". It's the easiest way of getting laid but not the only reason to visit them. It's a mix of adventure and male-like friendship. She knows what you like to do in bed. You know the way it has got to finish. It's completely different when you're engaged into a relationship.
Hector Lopez, Lima, PERU
I am a woman but I am struck by the moralizing tone of this piece. Men visit prostitutes, so what? If I were a man I would do the same. Who can guarantee one is always in a relationship? Who has time and patience to "pick up" girls in bars and deceive them with lies? It's just a very convenient way for men to satisfy their normal sexual urge, or as the bloke said, "get it out of the way". A healthy man needs to ejaculate virtually every day. He must do something about it and it is not inecessarily connected with feelings or relationships.
I quite agree with the poster who said 9% is a big lie and 90% is more likely. And If the tendency is rising, maybe it has to do with having more disposable income. I'd like to read some research into this simple correlation. As long as the woman is not a minor, is not being exploited or forced into it, what's the big deal?
Marisa Landau, Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Bruce, she (or a colleague) now has. To see how the other half lives read "I pay a man for regular sex" Dec 5 2007.
Quentin, Reading, UK
Keith Bentham wrote a great response above, totally agree.
Ilya, Moscow, Russia
It is obviously morally superior to treat sex as a business transaction, as opposed to commiting rape by deception. All such human interactions are complex. I find it shocking how deeply wise is the Christian tradition that, for those who can be single, it is better to be single, but for those who cannot, "it is better to marry than to burn".
Ally Kendall, Fergus Falls, Minnesota
Prostitution involves the degradation and endangerment of two human beings: The prostitute and her client. Can a woman who has sex, on a commercial basis, with possibly dozens of men in a week... remain psychologically healthy and unscathed?
Is such a woman likely to be physically - or mentally -healthy for very long?
And what sort of man would want to have sex with that woman?
A man with a healthy mind... wants healthy sex in a normal, healthy relationship...with a normal, healthy woman!
Garth Strong, San Diego, USA/CAL
it may be interesting if m/s spurell writes an article about women who pay for sex (just to maintain an editorial balance).
bruce, apt, france
I'm pretty sure nobody here claimed it was love, Garth. Go figure it was one of my neighborly judgmental Americans speaking for all of us. What a shame they can't see the bigger picture.
One wonders why you have so much defensive animosity...
Jackson Maxim, Chicago, IL, USA
Your article reconfirms all kinds of silly stereotypes.
The idea that only 9 per cent go to prostitutes is simply
ridiculous. More like 90 per cent from my quite wide knowledge, 9 per cent openly admit maybe.
The idea that most prostitues are on drugs is just stupid, in the few hundred times 'my friend' paid for sex he never sensed a drug user, (i.e. a class A drug user) in fact certainly in the UK nearly all prostitutes do not smoke or even drink much.
Why do "eligible" men pay for sex? Because they can and because you are likely to spend as much money trying to meet someone who will have sex as you are simply looking for someone on the internet who will have sex with you for £1-200. Not everyone wants to get married or have the obligations of a relationship. I hear that sex with prostitutes can be much more exciting, because they are often good at sex and if you are pleasant to them they will want you to come back. And sometimes a genuine chemistry exists, just happens to be paid.
Steven Evans, London, London UK
reminds me of George Bernard shaw comment
Shaw: Madam Would you sleep with a man for a million pounds?
Fellow guest: That depends on how good looking he was...
Shaw: How about for five shillings?
Fellow guest (horrified): What do you take me for?
Shaw: Madam, we have already established that. We are now just negotiating the price."
justin semmens, tunbridge wells,
i must have the same mate as Marcus because he told me exactly the same thing...!
Marcus2, London, UK