Wine. Etiquette. These two words, when put together, are enough to strike dread, confusion and panic into the hearts of even the hardiest drinker.

I know this for two reasons. Firstly, it is almost always the first subject people touch on when they ask me about wine. Favourite questions include: What’s the best way to order wine in a restaurant without making a fool of myself? Is it a social gaffe to take wine to a dinner party? To decant or not to decant? And, is there a posh way to open a screw-capped wine?

The other reason I know this is from personal experience, because wine etiquette – or, rather, blatant disregard of it – nearly cost me my wife.

It was our first date. We were both budding wine writers and I had taken her out to an expensive Italian restaurant, desperate to impress her with my all-round good taste. In fact, so preoccupied was I with trying to exaggerate my charms that, overlooking her far superior knowledge of Italian wine and the most basic of wine manners, I didn’t even show her the wine list, let alone ask her what she wanted to drink. I just ordered the wine I wanted.

It was only much later in our relationship that she informed me how close she had come to binning me there and then on the basis of being an inconsiderate and chauvinistic idiot. Needless to say, I have since brushed up on my wine etiquette (and it can’t have been all that bad because she did agree to marry me later on).

Because wine is essentially a social drink, manners are important to how it is best presented, ordered, served and drunk. Though this may sound stuffy and formal, it’s really just about making sure everyone has a chance to enjoy the wine as much as possible, not feel overly awkward around it or, heaven forbid, miss out on a glass.

In restaurants, the golden rule is always to be attentive to your dining companions. Find out what they are eating and try to choose a wine that will cater for everyone. Don’t be afraid to ask for advice, either from those around you or the sommelier, if there is one. Price is often the most important consideration here, so don’t feel pressurised to spend more than you feel comfortable – good wine lists and sommeliers should give you options at all levels.

All wines ordered by the bottle should be offered for tasting before being served. This can be an embarrassing moment for many, but it needn’t be. In an unostentatious manner, give the wine a bit of a swirl, smell it and take a small mouthful. If it seems objectionable to you, politely ask either for a second opinion or to try another bottle. Be courteous but firm at all times and remember: as the customer you are always right, so there’s no need to feel at a disadvantage.

Finally, in a good restaurant your glass will always be kept topped up by the waiting staff but, if this doesn’t happen, take charge yourself and make sure your dining companions never go thirsty. Not allowing glasses to lie empty is surely the most cardinal of all rules concerning wine etiquette.

There are other things to bear in mind when it comes to parties. It is always rude to turn up to parties without a gift of some kind but if the present is wine, the hosts should be under no obligation to serve it that evening – the thinking being that they will have planned the drinks in advance.

Personally speaking, I often take this rule with a pinch of salt. As a guest, I’d only ever take wines that I’d like to taste, so I appreciate it when my host does open my bottle. And, as a host, I often think it makes for a fun evening to have lots of different wines open on the table for people to try. Mind you, that may also be why I ended up in the profession I have… Ultimately, it’s a matter of personal judgement.

When it comes to serving wine, temperature is important. As a general rule, whites should be served between six and 14 degrees. Most fridges operate at around 4-5 degrees, so don’t be afraid to take a white out for a while before serving it. Reds work best between 10 and 20 degrees, so a touch cooler than the average room temperature, and certainly less hot than a warm summer’s day. Generally speaking, the fuller bodied the wine, the warmer the temperature it should be served at, for both whites and reds.

Decanting is rarely necessary but can add an air of fun ceremony to the occasion. The only wines that really need decanting are older vintages of certain ports and full-bodied reds, to remove any sediment (a slow pour usually does it). Some young wines can also be decanted to help them breathe, or release their aromas.

There are many other rules to proper wine etiquette. It’s always best to hold wine glasses by the stem when drinking. Gulping is a no-no. And yes, there is a posh way to open screw-capped wine.

But life is just too short to get bogged down in the minutiae. Ultimately, wine is to be enjoyed. Just be nice while you’re doing it.