Once upon a time, the prime minister of Australia went to the Mornington
Peninsula and never came back. It’s just that good. Harold Holt (1908-1967)
was holidaying at the tip of the curling come-hither finger of land that is
happily nestled among bays and ocean some 56 miles south of Melbourne. One
minute he was confidently splashing around among excitable waves — as
Australian prime ministers are occasionally required to do in order to prove
they are proper blokes and not wusses. And the next minute he ... well, he
just wasn’t.
Drowned, eaten by a shark, abducted by aliens ... there are all sorts of
stories, and they’re all complete cobblers. Spend five minutes on the
peninsula and it’s not hard to conclude that Harold simply ducked away into
an anonymous and pleasant life in what may as well be a hunk of
Mediterranean Europe dangling off the bottom of Australia.
At that time, 1967, it was a rough and rugged place, with lots of apples, lots
of cows and just a few sanctuaries of luxury reserved for the Aussie elite.
Everyone else down there was crazy, itinerant, worryingly unkempt and hairy,
or towing a caravan. Sometimes they smelt of something called blood’n’bone —
a cocktail of chicken corpses and excrement that Aussies use as a
fertiliser. And cologne.
I know all this because I grew up there. Of course, I still visit from time to
time, so I also know that while it’s still a rough and rugged place in
patches, most of it has been tamed and turned into a pleasant weekend
retreat for Melbournians who think they are Parisians. It’s where posers
repose.
Posh wineries have scrumped the fruits of success from mere orchards and the
cows have gone all glam organic and moo with a lilting hauteur. (All the
more reason to eat them, if you ask me.) The peninsula has become something
of a gastronomic and hedonistic playground, offering the sort of quality
that can keep Melbourne’s style-savvy citizens in luxury weekends.
The top spot, at least in terms of altitude, is Arthur’s Seat, a 1,000ft hill
in the middle of the region. Of course, there is a restaurant at the top
with breathtaking views, but it’s also famous for the slow-moving chairlift
that dangles you slowly up the side of the mountain. You can see echidnas
waddling among the dry leaves and koalas dozing in the trees, while
kookaburras laugh at people falling off motorbikes on the insane hairpin
roads below. You can also see Port Phillip Bay and the landscape of the
peninsula spilling out before you — a preview of the beaches, bush and
gentle rolling hills awaiting exploration.
In case it’s late in the day and you can’t be bothered going anywhere,
however, Arthur’s Seat is also home to a nice modern B&B with
great views. You can slop into a tub of bubbles while the sun sets and
bayside lights sparkle. But the best accommodation is at Portsea, the
playground of super-rich business moguls and vanishing prime ministers.
Regardless of where you stay, you’ll have a gently dizzying array of options
to fill your days. For as long as I can remember, things such as golf,
bush-walking, horse-riding, surfing, scuba-diving, eating Vegemite-and-sand
sandwiches and driving around getting pleasantly lost have all been popular.
While you can still do all of those things, wining and dining are now the
most dominant, most developed and most appealing attractions.
Old sheds that used to house orchard tractors have been tricked up, turned
into brasseries and trattorias, and now house well-to-do tasters and
tipplers. Generally, these overlook rolling hills striped with vines. Many
come with restaurants and accommodation. Thanks to a sea-breeze cool
climate, the peninsula offers the perfect environment for growing even the
most uncooperative grapes. Pinot noir might be famously niggly and
obstinately awkward, but they seem to be happy not just to flourish on the
peninsula but to produce some seriously good wine, too.
Not surprisingly, vino tourism has also flourished. There are more than 50
wineries, which habitually swing open the cellar door — thankfully, there
are also minibus tours that will navigate you between them. ()
Wine, of course, is best enjoyed with food, and one of the most amazing
changes on the peninsula in my time has been the emergence of restaurants
that would attract even the most pernickety epicure. Not only are those
tractor sheds now turning out gourmet meals, but venues such as Montalto — a
wood-and-glass box overlooking olive groves and vines — have emerged to
cater for a crowd that simply didn’t exist when I was eating fish and chips
on the beach. Most of the notable restaurants make full use of local fresh
produce and achieve results that will live on in gastro-gossip well after
the dish has been devoured.
Fine dining, wineries, luxury hotels... oh, I forgot to mention the recently
discovered natural hot springs and newly opened day spas. It’s all a bit
scary for an Aussie. I mean, is this place up itself, or what? Thankfully,
no. Despite the snob potential, one must not forget that this is still
Australia. It’s still down-to-earth down under, where even the sheilas are
top blokes, everyone is affable and you couldn’t be genteel even if you
tried because there’s a fly trying to get up your nose.
Travel brief
Getting there: Qantas (0845 774 7767, www.qantas.co.uk) flies
direct from Heathrow to Melbourne (with a stop in Singapore en route).
November fares are from £629. Regional fares from Edinburgh, Manchester,
Newcastle and others start at £666 (all via Heathrow). Or try Flight Centre
(0870 499 0040, www.flightcentre.co.uk), Airline Network (0870 700 0543,
www.airline-network.co.uk) or Opodo (0871 277 0090, www.opodo.co.uk).
Getting around: the Mornington Peninsula is 80 miles south of
Melbourne airport, arcing down the side of Port Phillip Bay — you really do
need a car to be able to explore it properly. All the big car-rental
companies are represented at Melbourne airport, but be sure to ask for a
“Melways” map — it’s the local A-Z. Holiday Autos (0870 400 4461,
www.holidayautos.co.uk) has a week’s inclusive car hire from £135. Or try
Hertz (0870 844 8844, www.hertz.co.uk) or Budget (0844 581 2231,
www.budget.co.uk).
Where to stay: Arthurs Superb Views (00 61 3-5981 8400,
www.arthursviews.com.au), a modern all-suite B&B, has a stupid name but,
well, superb views — available from £104 per night. Or the Woodman Estate
(5978 8455, www.woodmanestate.com) has luxury lakeside chalets for £260, B&B;
or rooms in the main lodge from £133. Hilltonia Homestead (5985 2654,
www.hilltonia.com.au) has cottages in the bush, some with water views,
starting from £64. Azimuth Connections (5974 8804, www.azimuth.com.au) is
the booking agent for exclusive accommodation in the area.
What to do: for excellent information, go to
www.visitmorningtonpeninsula.org. Head straight for the Main Ridge and Red
Hill areas for the best wineries and restaurants, including Montalto (5989
8412, www.montalto.com.au) and T’Gallant (5989 6565, www.tgallant.com.au).
Peninsula Hot Springs draws mineral water up from 2,000ft below ground and
will let a pair of you go wrinkly in it — £30 for half an hour. The bayside
beaches are clean, calm and safe, while the oceanside beaches can turn on a
beautiful rage — especially thrilling to watch from the boardwalk at Cape
Schanck
Mornington wines in the UK
JUDGING BY the needle-in-a-haystack availability of Mornington wines in the
UK, it seems they are keeping them all to themselves. Fortunately, a handful
think we’re worth it ...
2004 Stonier Chardonnay (£9.99; Sainsbury’s) A stylish,
sophisticated chardonnay — fresh and lively, with a layer of cashew-nut
richness.
2004 Port Phillip Estate Chardonnay (£12.99; Philglas &
Swiggot, 020 7924 4494; Noel Young Wines, 01223 844744) Fine creamy texture
and walnut flavours. Takes its cue from burgundy.
2004 Stonier Pinot Noir (£12.49; Bibendum, 020 7449 4120;
Noel Young Wines; Roberson, 020 7371 2121) Medium-bodied and silky with
seductive, pure-strawberry fruit.
2004 Port Phillip Estate Pinot Noir (£13.99; Philglas &
Swiggot, Noel Young Wines) Another wine taking its cue from burgundy:
fuller, rounder and a little more savoury than the Stonier pinot.
2003 Port Phillip Shiraz (£13.99; Philglas &
Swiggot) All black pepper, tar, herbs and raspberry flavours — more like a
northern Rhône red than the average Oz shiraz and clearly designed to be
drunk with food.
Joanna Simon
