Ariel Leve
The man, the films, those blondes. Free DVD collection starting this Sunday
Last week a man in Australia decided to put his life up for sale on Ebay. Ian Usher, fed up after his marriage ended, decided that he wanted to have a fresh start. He is auctioning his life in a "package deal." Everything from his house, his car, furniture, clothes, friends - even a two week trial run at his job.
Who would want to work at a rug shop in Perth and wear someone else's smelly T-shirts? No thanks. And how much can his friends be worth if he's willing to tack them on too?
Now if George Clooney's girlfriend decides to auction off her life, that's another story. I'd bid on that. Or Kylie. Although having her life without having her body might not be the same.
Of course it got me thinking, if I were to put my life up for sale, I wondered how much it would go for.
People would definitely bid on my life: a small but centrally located apartment, brand new Henry vacuum, and a medicine cabinet fully stocked with antibiotic and homeopathic remedies - gels, creams, lotions. There would never be a need to go to a pharmacy again. It would be good value.
There's also a gym membership, writing for a prestige newspaper, loads of air-miles, a handful of good friends in both New York and London and I'd throw in my shoes (size 36) all of which are in peak condition since I never go out.
They'd get regular appointments to the dentist, gastroenterologist, gynecologist, urologist, dermatologist and most important: the private e-mail address of my GP. Who else would be able to offer this kind of access to their doctor? It's like having a 24-hour hotline to the New England Journal of Medicine.
Another good bargain in buying my life would be getting my friends. Although, after the buyer actually purchased my life they'd realize, my friends are always busy and it takes a months of planning to see each other.
Also, there are a couple family "situations" that they'd have to deal with. And some debt. I'd make sure I said: NO RETURNS.
On Ian Usher's website there is a welcoming message from his friends ending with the sign off: Happy Bidding. On the website describing the contents of my life in the Friends section they'd leave the message: Don't call us, we'll call you.
Then again, now that I think about it, my friends might jump at the chance to make plans with whoever took over my life because they'd probably be a lot more fun to hang out with than me.
That would be awful. What if the person who bought my life really enjoyed it and had a great time? All of the fun, none of my anxiety.
Waking up eager to start the day - making plans to do things like go to concerts and parties - saying yes to invitations instead of no?
I bet if I saw someone else enjoying my life after they bought it I'd want it back. Only then it would be too late.

Ariel Leve is a New York based writer with The Sunday Times Magazine. Together with investigative features and in-depth interviews she writes a humorous weekly column, Cassandra. She has twice been nominated for British Press Awards. This year she was highly commended as Feature Writer Of The Year. She has written comedy for television and is currently working on her first novel. Click below to read her Cassandra column
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Do tell when you intend to hold the auction so that I can start saving.
John D Burgoyne, Stonehaven, Scotland
Nothing at all, 'cause I have no desire to lead the life of a hypochondriac.
Robert, Slough,
Can guys bid?
Michael, London,
Hi,
Last week a man in Australia decided to put his life up for sale on Ebay. The success of such is dependent on a number of factors. Firstly the quality of your internal organs for medical purposes and then working in the coal mines or being a chauffeur for the American Ambassador in Iraq.
Regards Dr. Terence Hale
Terence Hale, zandvoort, Holland
Not interested... due to the fact that I also have friends that takes months of planning to see each other. Absolutely not an attractive bargain.
Gen, Sydney, Australia
Half a chocolate bar and a cup of tea?
Ellie, london, UK
I'd probably give you one for about a tenner. That's about it.
Rob , Kent,
would not give you a dime (US) for it...
jorge, tampa, USA/Florida
Lush! I'd bid. You can have my life. Who wouldn't want to be 17 again?
Rebecca, Bog,
Dontcha just hate these 'lifestyle' commentaries?
Who are you? And why?
Jules, Loughborough,
To quote a famous line - "quite frankly, my dear, I do'nt give a damn."
John perks, southend on sea, Essex England
Belief, sans evidence, in homeopathic remedies? Better put a substantial discount on the brain.
Amy Alkon, Santa Monica, California, USA
I have plenty of debt and family situations already but do need a vacuum cleaner that works and some friends. I can swap a couple of lawsuits you may be able to win and a bunch of neighbours of mixed quality. Can we work something out?
Richard, Huntingdon,
I'll give you thirty bob for the lot.
Take it or leave it!
Jon, Kumamoto, Japan
And would they get to write 'Cassandra' each week and interview people with fascinating stories to tell? Hey, I'd bid!(But your shoes... size 36! My 10yr old daughter has bigger feet than you.)
Annie, Hampshire,