Oi, you! Yes, you with the newspaper in your hand. You’ll fold it neatly when you’ve finished, won’t you? And put it in the recycling bin. Don’t even think of dropping it on the floor.

Talking CCTV cameras are to be introduced across the country to cut antisocial behaviour, it was reported last week. They have already been successful in Middlesbrough, but The Sun — sceptical as ever — sent reporters armed with megaphones out on to the mean streets to see if the system really works.

In London they swooped as insurance worker Mike Shah, 33, dropped a piece of paper: “Pick that up, litter lout.” Shah picked it up without a murmur. In Glasgow The Sun’s litter squad found photographer Murat Kama kicking a bottle of water along a path. “Pick that bottle up,” he was ordered. Murat turned out to be a visitor from Istanbul, and he was very impressed. “This is why Scotland is so clean,” he said.

One place in dire need of CCTV is Albert Square, the administrative capital of EastEnders. The cast are planning to defy the smoking ban when it is introduced in England on July 1. “Senior show chiefs will let their characters light up, despite the fact they can be fined up to £2,500 every time,” reports The Sun.

One producer told the paper: “We don’t care if the police come on set — let them try. We have to portray real life, and people smoke”. Quite a scoop for The Sun that: EastEnders portrays real life.

Former Sun editor Kelvin Mackenzie now has a column in the paper. Here he is supplying a comment on the Iran hostage crisis: “Fifteen hostages — 14 men, one woman. Doesn’t take a genius to work out who was navigating.”

Oi, you! Yes, you with the newspaper column. You can cut that sort of talk out straight away — that’s political incorrectness gone mad.

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