Pre-teen angst starts early these days, especially in girls. While most seven-year-old boys are still bounding around like eager puppies, happy to bond with anyone who likes Spiderman or James Bond, the girls are ruthless networkers, with an arcane set of rules that no one, certainly not boys, can ever understand. One minute girls as young as 6 can be basking in the warmth of the inner sanctum only to find they're ejected for, say, dressing too much like a tomboy. “There are certain conditions for belonging which are difficult to understand to outsiders; it's to do with your interests, tastes and hobbies,” explains Dr Angharad Rudkin, a child psychologist specialising in peer problems and relationships.

“It's all about power and social control and a higher social awareness among girls.” Which is why they're bound to ask questions like this relatively young - although if and when they do, it's crucial to pinpoint why. “Where has she got this idea from?” asks Rudkin. “Has she fallen out with a best friend; is it a one-off episode or has it been going on a long time? Then you need to reassure her that it's not that no one likes her but maybe she has different interests to a certain group she wants to be part of. You need to help her with a more rational view.”

Another helpful measure is to develop her social skills, suggests Professor Helen Cowie, a psychologist specialising in children's relationships. “Is there something she's doing that is alienating other children? You need to be realistic about that. Is their behaviour difficult? Do they find it hard to co-operate?” If the answer is yes, then you can start by looking at empathy, how to give compliments, be generous and share. You should also stress that the goal isn't a Machiavellian strategy to be “most popular” but rather to build up a few select and trusting friendships, which is really all she needs.

It may reassure her - and you - to know that even if she were Queen Bee in class, she wouldn't necessarily be any happier. In their book Cliques, Charlene Giannetti and Margaret Sagarese report that those who aren't in the in-crowd are, on the whole, much more content; secure with a handful of friends and so not

fearful of losing their precarious status. “Popularity creates anxiety,” they write. Flora may not agree, but Miss Averagely- Popular is a much better place to be.

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