As the mother of two young daughters, Ruth Appleton is used to doling out
praise for almost everything they do. Even she was taken aback, however,
when her younger daughter, Rachel, now 5, arrived home from nursery
clutching a certificate for “sitting nicely on the carpet”.
“It made me wonder what she was doing the rest of the time,” said Appleton,
from Porthcawl, Wales. “I thought it was a bit over the top rewarding her
for something so routine. But it’s part of a whole culture of stickers and
smiley faces and ‘celebration assemblies’.”
Anyone with children at primary school will instantly get the picture: no
child’s existence is complete without “circle time”, or “show and tell”
sessions at which they are encouraged to parade their achievements and
examine their feelings. The received wisdom on child-rearing says nothing
should be allowed to damage a child’s sense of self-worth: just last week
the Football Association (FA) decided to ban teams including children under
eight from publishing their results, for fear of putting the kids under too
much pressure if they lost a match.
As parents, we are encouraged to nurture our children’s sense of “self”, but
are we unwittingly doing them more harm than good?
Our child-centred society means we fret over what our kids eat, what they
wear, their friends, their exam grades and their safety. A US academic has
coined the term kindergarchy – a new (affluent) world order in which
children rule.
“Children have gone from background to foreground in domestic life with more
attention centred on them, their upbringing [and] their small
accomplishments,” wrote Joseph Epstein, a recently retired lecturer at
Northwestern University, in The Weekly Standard, a US magazine.
“On visits to the homes of friends with small children, one finds their toys
strewn everywhere, their drawings on the refrigerator, television sets
turned on to their shows. Parents seem little more than indentured servants.”
Epstein’s recollections of his own childhood evoke an utterly different world.
Parents didn’t feel the need to micro-manage their children’s lives. He
doesn’t remember his parents reading to him, or turning up to watch him
compete at athletics. They left it to him to decide which foreign language
to study at secondary school and weren’t much bothered that he was a
mediocre student.
Now, he says, it’s a wonder more teachers aren’t driven out of the profession
by parents bombarding them with e-mails, phone calls and requests for
meetings. “Students told me what they ‘felt’ about a novel,” he recalled. “I
tried, ever so gently, to tell them no one cared what they felt. In essay
courses, many of these same students turned in papers upon which I wished to
– but did not – write, ‘Too much love in the home’.”
In Britain, too, there has been a seismic shift in parenting. “At the
weekends, the kids are saying to us, ‘What are we doing
today?’ – in other words, ‘You are going to entertain us, aren’t you?’ ”
said Appleton, who works part-time for Netmums, an online network for
mothers.
It is becoming a worldwide trend. A recent production of Snow White at a
primary school in Japan featured 25 Snow Whites, no dwarfs and no wicked
witch, as parents objected to one child being picked out for the title role.
In Sweden a boy was prevented from handing out invitations to his birthday
party at school because he was “discriminating” against the two classmates
he did not invite.
A straw poll in Netmums’ virtual coffee house produced distinctly mixed
feelings about the phenomenon. “The cushioning effect of awarding stickers
and praise for inconsequential trivia masks what children really need and
are looking for – guidance, consistency, self-reliance and love,” said one
mother, Liz.
Another, Jeanette, was concerned that her daughter’s teachers would not
correct spelling mistakes, “because she was spelling the words how you said
them”, nor correct her writing when she drew letters back to front.
“The reality is, she does need to be corrected,” said Jeanette. “Children have
to learn. I’m not saying it has to be negative, but there has to be a
balance. When our kids go into the workplace, they are in for a shock.”
That would appear to be true. Earlier this year the Association of Graduate
Recruiters said the generation born since 1982 – the so-called generation Y
– were “unrealistic, self-centred, fickle and greedy”.
They used the example of a new recruit to a transport company who rang his
mother to complain: “I have got to go to London tomorrow and they haven’t
even given me a map.”
The employer threw up her hands in anger, according to Carl Gilleard, AGR’s
chief executive: “Here was someone working for a transport company, who had
spent three years at university, who was aggrieved because he hadn’t been
given a detailed map.”
On a more sinister level, the child-centred approach also seems to have
contributed to a decline in standards of behaviour in schools, with children
ever more conscious of their “rights” and teachers afraid to chastise unruly
children for fear of being attacked or accused of assault.
Last week Boris Johnson, the London mayor, highlighted the problem of
indiscipline in schools as a factor in street violence. “Too many kids in
London are growing up without boundaries, without discipline and without the
family structures they need,” he said. “We should bring back discipline and
the idea of punishment.”
In Merseyside an academic is bucking the trend of navel-gazing in schools.
Peter Clough, head of psychology at the University of Hull, is working with
children at All Saints Catholic high school in Knowsley, attempting to teach
them to be “mentally tough”.
“Positive psychology says, ‘Count your blessings.’ My kind of psychology says,
‘Life can be hard and you have to learn to deal with it’,” he explained.
According to Clough, mentally tough pupils do better in exams and are less
likely to see themselves as victims of bullying. If they fail at something,
they try again. Using a diagnostic test devised by AQR, a business
consultancy, Clough has been assessing his group’s attitudes to challenges,
looking at such factors as whether they consider themselves optimists or
pessimists and whether they think they can stay cool in stressful
situations. Those with the lowest scores are learning visualisation,
relaxation and anxiety-control techniques to help them toughen up.
“I’m encouraging kids not to run away from stress but face up to it,” said
Clough. “If you’ve got a maths exam, just do it.”
We have to decide what we want our children to be – tough go-getters or
touchy-feely carers. Or is it even about them?
Frank Furedi, professor of sociology at Kent University, believes our
child-centredness is really adult-centredness. “It’s a way of reassuring
ourselves that our children are going to be insulated from pain and adversity,”
he said. “We tell children they are wonderful now for tying their shoelaces
or getting 50% in an exam. But really it’s our way of flattering ourselves
that we’re far more sensitive to children than people were in the past.”
The trouble is, Furedi says, that it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy. “You’re
subtly giving kids the message that they can’t cope with life,” he said. “I
have a son of 12 and when he and his friends were just nineI remember being
shocked at them using therapeutic language, talking about being stressed out
and depressed.”
While researching The Dangerous Rise of Therapeutic Education, its co-author
Dennis Hayes, visiting professor of education at Oxford Brookes University,
discovered a leaflet telling students that if they studied sociology they
might come across poor people and get depressed and if they studied nursing
they might come across sick people and get distressed – so the university
offered counselling.
“It was telling students they could not cope before they started,” he said.
“The focus on feelings has become ridiculous. One friend told me his
daughter was crying at home one night and when he asked why she said, ‘It’s
my turn to put my worries in the worry box tomorrow and I haven’t got any!’
” Perhaps we underestimate the resilience of children. One coach of an
undereights football team was in favour of publishing results, saying they
just enjoyed playing, whatever the score. “They didn’t care that they lost,”
he said of one game. It was only 21-0, after all.
Maybe just write about what does go well and why it goes well so that we can do it again?
Jo, Olney, UK
Why is this moderately interesting piece in the "Women" section. I am a dad - why do you automatically assume that my children's education and behaviour is of no consequence to me? I note that the three comments I can see above are all from men....
Neil, Orpington, Uk
I could enjoy my 6 beautiful grandchildren [ages 7yrs.-2yrs]and their parents much more were it not for this child centred society .
Visiting my daughter and family in Colorado I heard a mother praise her daughter's good reaching skills as the child reached for items on a high shop shelf !
Frances Tanner, Bristol, U.K.
Which Miss Dashwood would you want as a child - Elinor or Marianne?
Tony, Ipswich,
Now 63, I was raised in a tough, Dickensian-style catholic boarding school. They weren't cruel (well, not much anyway), but the discipline was strict and the creature comforts non-existent. At home I respected my parents tough love guidance. I think I turned out very well adjusted and very happy.
Jim McLaughlin, Calgary, Alberta
"'‘Life can be hard & you have to learn to deal with it. We have to decide what we want our children to be – tough go-getters or touchy-feely carers"
Clough is to the other extreme, only uncaring, "tough go-getters" count in this world. Let the successful dominate, winner take all. Thatcherism!
Michael, Bromley, UK
The FA doesn't deserve criticism - kids will learn better. FA wants to reduce emphasis on competition in early age groups, because coaches are under pressure from parents to win at all costs. This hinders skills development - the easiest way to get a result at age 8 is to rely on long ball tactics.
Michael, London, UK
I think it is just plain rude to invite someone to a party in front of someone that is not being invited. It doesn't matter whether it is an adult or a child, it is about manners.
Lisa, Bermuda,
Smiley faces and certificates are a benign attempt at controlling kindergarden rowdyism. Another approach is to treat children like savages who need firm discipline to become civilized members of society.
All children start out helpless and innocent. It's better to err on the side of PC.
M. Khan, Peterborough, UK
It's not much fun for the other kids either. My daughter, after 6 months of birthday punches, punched back. She and I had to sit down with a traumatised mother and daughter and explain that maybe the little dear shouldn't go around hitting people at all - and if she did, learn to take it!
Angela, Epping, Australia
I recently ran a week-long induction course for new employees. One was a new graduate. She had a seriously over-inflated idea of her worth. Having spent her university time being told how wonderful she was, she found it a deep shock when I reprimanded her for failing to do her 'homework' .
Chris Palmer, Southampton,
Female teachers now out number male ones 12 to 1 in the UK, and this is the result. Banning boys from football because they are too big and might squash the others? Are you telling me a man did that? Another school recently cancelled sports day because the grass was damp. Women are in charge now.
Colin, London, UK
My mother's philosophy was that you don't raise children, you raise adults. When all is said and done, your precious little flower has to live in the real world, and the job of a parent is to prepare their children for that eventuality.
Cassandra, Los Angeles, CA, US
At a friend's school they don't mark children's work in red pen anymore, it's green. And they don't mark incorrect answers with a cross, it's seen as too negative, they put a dot. Ridiculous.
Harries, Llanelli, UK
Is anyone else very reassured by the comment from Ryan Chapman in Wichita?
Peter in Cambridge is right, though. The Boomers are now reaping what they sowed when as 60's hippies they threw out the baby (discipline, respect) with the bathwater (patriarchy, racism, feudalism etc).
I'm 23 by the way.
Lizzie, London,
Not inviting 2 children to a birthday party, tough I never went to anyones b'day party when at school. I too blame modern society, my work has introduced an Employee of the Month award, You get to avail of the Leather Chair and Parking Space for telling the boss they are great.Failure - Deal with it
Philip, Derry,
There's misogyny in some of these comments - but how is this a gender-specific problem? This is more about the posturing of those parents and educators who want to appear 'caring' and right-on. And given that educators never have to fight for real-world survival, I know who I'd principally blame.
CL, Worcestershire, UK
Try being a teacher who believes in a robust attitude and cannot bear the touchy-feely atmosphere in most schools! Until autonomy is returned to the teacher, there is no hope. The irony is that all this touchy-feely, wimpish stuff is based on fear: fear of the head, fear of prents, fear of lawyers
Joseph, Doncaster, UK
"the generation born since 1982 – were “unrealistic, self-centred, fickle and greedy”. This statement is even more apt for the baby boom generation.
Peter, Cambridge, UK
I think it was Socrates (400BC) who said that he hasn't much hope for the future if he looks at the youth of his day. I think we will survive....
Marinda, Cape Town, South Africa
When I was in primary school, I got bullied a lot and didn't stand up for myself. One day, when challenged by the biggest kid in the class, I accepted and we scrapped at an appointed time and place after school. More exactly, he swiftly beat the crap out of me.
There is no moral to this story.
Niall, Manchester,
Excuse me, Many times I was uninvited to parties, I was not picked first in pick up baseball games, I was not picked first in basketball games at school, I did not speak English when I moved to this country, I learned it WITHOUT A TUTOR. I LEARNED to live in this country.WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT?
p. berube, lewiston, usa
If you treat your child like some precious sort of person how will they cope with their first job, first rejection, getting older and frailer? Parents who don't talk about or set limits are severely limiting the possiblity of happiness for their kids in the real world.
A Stewart, Wellington, New Zealand
I may be only 15, but after reading this article it makes me realize how true it is. I know people like this, who wont tell anyone no, or some people that are really spoiled...
I know my dad has been pretty good for me after reading this article...that makes me feel pretty good.
Ryan Chapman, Wichita, USA
As a teacher, I would love to make copies of this and send them home to the parents of my students!
Holly, Grayson, USA
The only way humans learn to cope with adversity is by experience, and it is not something they can get in a lecture.
What are these kids going to do when they hear "no" for the first time? Start killing the people who don't recognize how "special" they are? Talk about a doomed generation. UGH..
Sam Hermanos, San Antonio, USA
Newsflash to parents - your kids are not special. Treating them like they are the cutest most special pretty person ever will result in lifelong disappointment when they get out in the real world and they realize that they are just like everybody else.
Rusty Shackelford, Alexandria, USA
Amazing, I'm 52 and a product of the Sisters of Charity from K-12, tag, keeping score with Sister Barbara Thomas catching, getting the blazes kicked out of me for a smart mouth prepared me for 22 years in the Army and a well paid contractor after and my kids? Sink or swim!
Jerome, Huntsville, AL, United States
My beloved ex-boss, a staunch Southern Baptist, enrolled his teenage son in an all-boys Catholic high school. Knowing the distrust most American Southerners have of Catholic institutions, I asked him why. His reply? "Because they will beat him if he misbehaves". We need more parents like that.
Anu Singh, Mumbai, India
Surely there is some balance to be had - sometimes my children think the world revolves around them - it is my job to show them it doesn't. Sometimes they are really great fun and deserve to have that special attention that only a parent will ever give them, lavished upon them.
F Harper, Bristol, UK
This reminds me of an article I read a while ago on the Independent Perspective... The title: Bad parents... Ring a bell? Here is the link:
http://www.riorevuelto.org/site/ip/ventana.php?id_articulo=3725
One thing is for sure, it ain't getting any easier.
Dana, NY, US
Dana, NY, US
I(57), have a experiance growing up and working, with people (+40), not (+20), like my parent´s.
I have had 99%, control of my life and succefull, where I´m going always, with 99%, success.
My, wife(55), came to me, 5 years ago and told me, there are 5 children in Colombia? I said "Yes" !!!
Pall Kristjansson, Hveragerdi, Iceland
So the whirlpool gets bigger, dragging down everything this country was built on, just because some flacid lefty/liberals think its the right way to go. This country was built on strength and honour, not touchy feely idots letting everyone win and eliminating discipline.
Pete, St Albans, England
Two lessons for life that have stood the test of time. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try and try again". "do as you would be done by" this is what we should be teaching our children as opposed to "you can have it all" - we can't!
Jan L'Argent, Hoddesdon, United Kingdom
The generation that failed is not the real culprit. It is the generation that raised them.
Pete, Chicago, USA
Not everyone grows up to be a millionaire or a rockstar and children need to learn that.
Life does suck at times - you need to learn to take the knocks, pick yourself up and keep going.
"Everyone's a winner "culture has ruined a whole generation of kids. They need to toughen up.
Imelda, London,
As a NYC elem. school teacher, I see this WAY too often. These children, as young as 1st grade get to scream at me, call me nasty names, and there's no punishment. However, if I even raise my voice too loud, it's corporal punishment! We are setting these children up for failure in the real world
CD, Westchester, USA
I say lies. I was born in '83 and all of my school work was properly graded and all of my bad behavior corrected at both school and home. I'd take a guess and say the coddled ones were born after '87. What is happening to you England? Man up!
Simon, Ottawa, Canada
Generation 'Y' has pushed common sense, responsibilty for oneself and decency to one side. My experience of many adults who were born after '79' is that they are self centred and don't give a fig for anybody else. All they think about is themselves.
Neal, Wokingham, England
I'd say the divider is ~1980, Pearson. I didn't notice the touchy-feely business begin to creep into schools until around '86 or '87.
Jeff, Seattle,
It must be hard for a person who has beeen neglected as a child, to swallow the indullgence afforded to others. But oN a literature study course what the student actually feels is the point after all- provided it is backed up by knowledge of the literature. Today, most just copy it from the web!
J.E.Poole, r, UK
I was born in 68' and my generation were probably the last to experience proper competition in life with discipline at home and school. Mum and Dad were parents not your pals. People, including good friends of mine, seem to let their kids do what they want. Becoming spoilt brats most of them.
Jason, Brighton, UK
My Son started school in January,he is a good reader and applies himself to the task.He has a record book which both myself and the school make comments as to books read. The teachers assistant consistently makes terrible basic spelling mistakes,I told the teacher who said it's not important.
Ouch
Kev Somers, Hertford, Herts UK
It's the same in the the USA. We have an entire generation learning that if they do not get what they want then it is someone else's fault.
Robert, illinois, USA
You think its bad now have a look at the twenty/thirty something's out there who are so narcissistic it boggles the mind. They are becoming parents & think what their kids will be like! The mid 70's seems to be a divider with those born after with such a sense of entitlement & disregard for others
Jason Pearson, Toronto, Canada
Prince Charles was derided for his "people don't know their place" comment. When he was talking of parents telling kids you can be PM/CEO/Billionaire when the reality is you won't that's only in Disney films. How are kids going to cope with $200 Oil with such an overdeveloped sense of entitlement?
Jason Pearson, Toronto, Canada
Adults are coddled and over-indulged just as much as children. 'All must have prizes' is at the root of our Pop Idol culture - in many fields, from business to showbusiness, pushiness, self-centredness and attention-seeking seem to be prized far above talent and discipline.
Samsa, London, UK
I have three grandsons in school in NYC. When I read their end of term reports I was very impressed that their lowest marks were A-. Then my daughter explained how the marks worked: A+ is above average, A is average and A- is unsatisfactory!!! The A- grandson was in a remedial programme.
Joseph, London, UK
"In Sweden a boy was prevented from handing out invitations to his birthday party at school because he was “discriminating” against the two classmates he did not invite."
Maybe the two students not invited were the two who wouldn't have shown anyway.
Deb, Minneapolis, United States
Two sides to everything as always ... maybe little Rachel Appleton is a complete nuisance fidget-bottom and genuinely deserved praise and encouragement for actually managing to sit still for once...!
Alex West, Warwickshire,
Maybe it's because I'm older (43), but my 3 1/2 yr old would never DARE expect everything to be fair; life certainly isn't. He has rules to follow and consequences; but is allowed to run and take chances. Funny, but he's a pretty happy, well adjusted kid.
Alli, NY, USA
"...tough go-getters or touchy-feely carers." News flash--people are DIFFERENT. Not everyone is cut out to be a "go-getter" or a caretaker. And why just these two extremes? Or why not both? We must practice balance in raising children, I agree--but balance is something this article lacks.
B.D.M., Atlanta, GA, USA
When everybody's special, nobody's special.
Jeanne Sanderson, Athens, GA, USA
Recently I spent one hour trying to take x-rays of a 3 year old because she "didn't want" to lie down. She kept trying to tell me how SHE wanted ME to do things. Her parents refused to put their foot down and make her lie down so I could image her. I can't imagine how she will be in 10 years!
DocDragon, St. Louis, MO, USA
Folk, as a whole we've allowed this to happen. I deal with the young of my contemporaries in the work place and there is far too little understanding of what the real world will let them get by with. The trend of, "He/she looked at me too long" or, "they make me "feel" poorly" has got to stop!
David Pocock, Calgary, Alberta, Canada
My youngest used to get these achievment certificates until I went to the school and told them to stop. They weren't happy about it but they complied.
I'm trying to raise a boy in a tough, selfish, dog eat dog world.
Giving him a medal for helping tidy his desk is not helping
Phill, The Wirral, England
Ah human fecundity...the greatest evil and the source of everything that is wrong in this world.The human race has it all wrong of course because the emphasis should be on quality and NOT quantity.There are obviously too many damn human organisms on this planet and we need Fewer children NOT MORE!
Frederick Christensen, Uppsala 752 377, Sweden
Totally agree with this article. I have lost friends because of their total obsession with their children.Sane,university educated women become total bores.Their children are very naughty and very spoilt,they are allowed to do exactly as they wish. We are far too child-centred.
Jan, London, England
Rewards (stickers, star charts) should be used only in targeting bad behaviour, and rewarding improvements.
Also, we practice a 'suck it up' mentality to bumps and bruises - if there's no screaming and not much blood, then we tell the kids they're ok.
rich padley, nottingham, notts
I will be bringing up my son the 'proper way'. He will have no TV/video games in his room. When he's bored he'll study, read a book and educate himself and not go out to hang out with friends on school nights. He will be disciplined and not wrapped in c.wool. He'll be a real male not a fe-male
Mark, London, England
If you expect a young child to correctly spell every word that is part of his/her oral vocabulary, you will end up with very simplistic unimaginative sentences, along the lines of, "I see the cat." Children will quickly learn to use only words they are certain they can spell correctly.
Alice Morden, Ballintoy, Northern Ireland
A child-centred society would make all residential areas car-free and make drivers responsible for accidents involving child pedestrians or cyclists. Children are bored and restless because their natural environment (the world) is now closed to them. Modern children are prisoners, not emperors.
James Russell at How to Turn Your Parents Green, Bristol, UK
The good news is if you're a parent and teach your kids to be independent, allow them to fail and learn from it, to be courteous and to be competitive they'll run rings around the little snowflakes who are calling mommy to complain about that mean old boss at work who wants them to be productive.
Tom, Columbus, USA
I teach. Many children and their parents do not understand the difference between home and school. Always getting your own way as practiced at home does not apply when attending at school. School is not an extension of the home and teachers are not employed to mother and father the pupils.
Boris, London, U.K.
One cannot help chuckle at a paper whose editorial policy appears to be: "smileys on school report cards - bad; smileys on electricity bills - good."
Ian Kemmish, Biggleswade, UK
A mixed artilcle. Some truth - the certificate and sticker giving is unecessary. some false- that children spell words phonetically and reverse letters is as normal at four as calling every animal a dog or every vehicle a car at two- it cannot be changed by constant correction only by maturity.
jon antony, alicante ,
And that is just another reason I always plan to stay in Texas. Trust me, in Texas if there is a football game, I don't care how old they are, there will be a score. We're never going to all agree. To me that is the primary advantage of a more decentralized government. We can move.
Jim Kay, Houston, US
Of course a huge part of the problem has been generated by women in society to who their children must be seen by all as a pinnacle of their achievements in life and woe betide anyone who criticises their little prodigies in any way. Otherwise, what would they talk about to their so-called friends?
John Tomlinson, Brentwood, Essex
After reading of individuals leaving children to starve, or locking toddlers in the kitchen to fend for themselves, or the other daily abuses of innocent child which abound on the daily news, making an issue of too much love seems a bit crass.
k, Tokyo,
Thank you! This is the most enlightened article on the issue I've ever read; finally, someone has the guts to publicly say what many, many of us have been saying for the last ten years but have been branded as "child haters" and "anti children" for doing so.
sara, london,
Presumably no one gets detention any more then? I can remember being left out of birthday parties - moaning about it at home and being told that this was a valuable lesson for me to learn - not everyone will like me! How are children going to learn that? We only got stars for exceptional behaviou
JW, Boston, UK
On one hand you comdemn the child centered culture, but think that it's OK for a child to hand out birthday invitations to all but two of his classmates. Shouldn't children learn to consider the feelings of others. It's just basic manners.
Alice Morden, Ballintoy, Northern Ireland
These comments so far are 100% in favour of the article. Where are the parents who support this gentle approach? where are the care bear families.. ...please stand up and be counted. if this is such an epidemic why is nobody defending it.
A Mason, London, UK
Getting a room full of 4-year-olds to sit still requires some strategy.
I actually remember circle time and show and tell- insidiously undermining society, apparently. The older generation don't always inspire me with confidence in their own upbringings, but we haven't gone to the dogs just yet.
Jane L, London,
"And quite right, too. What a nasty piece of bullying to invite all but two."
What's wrong with a bit of ostracism? It can be a good way of telling horrible people that the group doesn't like them. Bullying isn't always bullying. It might just be a bully's comeuppance.
Rob, London, UK
Thank you Ms Driscoll for bringing some common sense to the issue of children´s rights. Having taught in the UK and the US I have been appauled at the lack of imagination, initiative and manners. Kids will be kids, but as adults it´s our job to teach them how to cope with life, which is no fairytale
Elke, Alicante, Spain
A civilisation on it's way out.
Michael, Birmingham, UK
"Modern" children and their parents are vile. There are now few places left where I can escape the aural and visual assaults of moronic toddlers and pre-teens. We are producing generations of feckless, self centred softies who believe that society is the cause of, and solution to their problems.
Brian Smith, Dubai, UAE
This sort of nonsense is a result of people recklessly making decisions on the basis of guesswork rather than evidence. It will be replaced with something equally dangerous if decisions about how to change the trends are also taken on the basis of guesswork rather than evidence.
James E. Petts, Burnham, England
During a P.E lesson years ago 2 boys in my sons class were banned from football because they were big and might squash the other smaller children if they fell on them...is this not as discriminating as the bullying described above ? Health and safety versus fairness for all are at odds!
YR, Ely, Cambs
Looks like it takes 30 years for young parents to engage thier brains and face reality! We oldster's (over 60) have been saying precisely this for 30 years, but them we're just old farts hankering for the past, aren't we? Sadly, government will never admit the old ways were better - it upsets kids!
Bob Finbow, Haverhill, England
This situatuon could only have arisen in an area dominated by female (and feminist) sensibilities.
If there were more male teachers it would be impossible to get them to hand out certificates for "sitting nicely on the carpet".
B Wood , Glasgow ,
Who'd be a parent? However you choose to bring up your children, someone will step up to tell you you're doing it all wrong and that the breakdown of society can be laid at your door.
Parenting fads come and go, but don't blame the parents, blame the so called experts who come up with them.
Bev, Bucks, UK
"the generation born since 1982 – the so-called generation Y – were “unrealistic, self-centred, fickle and greedy”. " My God! Who is my head copying all this down? Kate S teach 121 privately if you want that! I am high school teacher.
MPH, Bridgend, Wales
Another scary twist to this kinderachy, where these children grow up unable to fend for themselves in the real world, is that when they in turn have their own children they get handed over to schools expecting the schools to raise the children for them. When will people take personal responsibilty?
Camilla, Canterbury, UK
"In Sweden a boy was prevented from handing out invitations to his birthday party at school because he was “discriminating” against the two classmates he did not invite."
And quite right, too. What a nasty piece of bullying to invite all but two.
Ian Johnston, Oxford, UK
It's getting so that we are not allowed to say anything negative about anything..not just about children. In public I feel like I am living in a 'Care Bear' movie. Can we get back to the old school report system of effort and attainment maybe but not forgetting that we 'must try harder'?
anon, Cambs, Cambs
What a great article, but will the message ever really penetrate into the minds of the majority of parents? Those of us who still have an ounce of common-sense left, let's use it and be verbal about it! Only then can the cotton wool effect be dampened down.
Hayley Hibbert, Christchurch, New Zealand
Children need to be children, meaning they should be rewarded for doing a good job. As well disciplined when not.(writing a 100 times what they did wrong maybe) They should know when they are doing well at what they are putting EFFORT into. I'm 23 born in 85, there is hope for the next generation.
Jess, Lafayette, United States
It is ridiculous in this day and age that kids are sheltered from disappointment and failure in life until they get out of school. Because of this, when they get out into the workforce they are unprepared to compete or to fail because they have never had to do it. Competition early is good for kids
Brad, Gainesville , USA
I'm in graduate school to become a high school teacher and I have to confess... I'm terrified. Mainly because I don't think that society will let me be the kind of teacher I WANT to be, i.e.: one who enforces standards, expects discipline and appropriate behavior, a teacher in CHARGE!
Kate S., Troutville, United States
You can be your child's friend, or your child's parent. The former is easier, but only the latter is really raising a child...
UncleTogie, San Antonio, Texas, USA
So now sitting nicely on the carpet is exemplary conduct. When our kids have kids, is simply turning up going to be certificate-worthy? Kids need to learn that if everyone keeps telling you that you're lousy, chances are you're lousy. IMPROVE or live with it. The best don't get there by whining.
Chris, Melbourne, Australia
The column made a good reading and I have got the following to say.
I boasted on the other day to my six year old son that I was being awarded a 'certificate' for participating in a '3 months' parental programme at your school he said in reply, 'big deal, I get one every day at school'.
GK, London, United Kingdom
I certainly agree about the sad depths to which child-rearing has descended. Parents have replaced centuries-old traditions of raising children with modern-day practices which are nothing more that pop-psychology. In the US we look to parents in the UK with admiration, but alas we shouldn't.
Andrew, New York, USA
I agree with everything in this article. I find childhood today completely weird and alien. Parents lived in their world, children in theirs when I was a child. Parents had responsibilities that took time and we found our own amusements and found inner resources to cope with life.
Tina, Dusseldorf, Germany
Bring back metal playgrounds, with rocks or dirt for ground.
Bring back merry-go-rounds with floorboards missing.
Let Natural Selection run its course.
The earth is overpopulated.
dave, Orlando, USA
I felt within the first few lines of this piece that I could have written it myself.
The PC industry has silenced us all - no more so than in countering the perceived shortcomings of kids leading normal lives, making their mistakes along the way. Without failure they cannot handle success?
John, Manchester, UK