I WENT to Camden Town, north London, to buy a new mobile phone, which is a part of what is called living today.

I hate them, mobile phone shops, which is why I haven’t been in one for three years (when I last bought a mobile phone). I put £20 in and, three years later, I had £19 left. Shows you how much I love mobiles.

Why are they such pigs? Is it because I is old? I went into four shops and was totally ignored while the sales staff stood round talking to their friends, all bling and blarney.

Quite rightly, they can tell I won’t be a big spender, am a total idiot, will feel intimidated, will dither, so why bother with the likes of me — if they actually saw me. Over the age of 60, we all become invisible.

When I came to pay, I was asked if it would be cash or credit card. I said card — unless there is a big discount for cash? Oh no, he said, looking over my shoulder, watching the door. “Cash is more expensive.”

I don’t think I have heard that before — being penalised for using cash.

I needed a mobile, despite my hatred of them, as I’d decided to go to Portugal for a quick break, on my own, and feared if I crashed the car, fell down, got drunk or tried to swim to Africa, nobody would know where I was. So I needed a phone I could use abroad — and one I could work.

One reason why I hardly ever used the last one was that it had a locking device that remained a mystery to me. I’d put my mind to it, read the instructions, but then a year later forgot everything and screamed and shouted when I couldn’t open it. Now I have a flip thing.

Having a mobile is a choice, as nobody really needs one, they’re just handy, but more and more they are becoming a computer and this is not a choice — it’s essential.

I went by Easyjet — and how could I have booked my ticket without e-mail? That’s how the world is going. You are being forced to buy everything online, from train and theatre tickets to kitchen sinks — which nobody stocks any more, so you only see them online.

Does it save you time? Not in my case. I sit for hours putting in my details while they tell me my name is wrong, my date of birth is wrong, my phone number is wrong, I am wrong wrong wrong, and probably over 60, so go away and stop bothering us.

And does it save money? You are having a laugh. They add on £4 here, £6 there, usually behind your back, the second you have pressed BUY, yet the item is only £20 and you have done all the work, wasted all the time. I thought online buying was supposed to be cheaper, being brilliant technology that cuts out humans, but they add on all these extras, knowing you are trapped.

HSBC is trying to get me to give up cheques, saying the future of all banking is online, but I am sticking it out. I have a stash of unused cheque books and keep asking for more, knowing one day there will be a world shortage and I will have cornered the market, ha ha.

I also have a stash of fax paper, bought in bulk, 210 mm wide, the sort I need, or should I say needed. Yes, the moment I got in a big load, faxes went obsolete. And I have two fax machines, one in London and one in the country, which sit looking at me, disapprovingly. I did once love them so much and feel ever so disloyal. And furious. I spent a fortune on that fax paper.

And the two once state-of-the-art Amstrad PCW 9512s, which I genuinely did adore, they served me so well. I can’t bin them, they are part of my life, but I no longer use them.

I have at least been using up my daisy wheel printing paper. Remember that? Early printers were daisy wheels, run by steam I think, and you bought the paper in one long continuous roll with serrated edges. Just before they, too, became obsolete, I bought loads of it — and cartridges, god, I’d forgotten about them. I have six packets, unopened. I could cry.

The paper at least gets used by my grandchildren who draw on it, intrigued by its length and funny edges. I say it’s papyrus, used by Egyptians to write letters to their Mummies, surely you’ve learnt that at school.

The moral is: modern technology is a nonsense that won’t last so, whatever you do, don’t try to save money by buying in bulk.