WE ALL know that politics is a cold-blooded business. It is always wise in Westminster to keep an eye out for reptiles and snakes of all description, many of which are poisonous. But the Labour Party plumbed new depths yesterday when it launched a personal attack on that most lovely of lizards, the chameleon.

It really was most unfair, for surely the chameleon’s only crime is to want to blend in. And why not? But some hot-blooded humans do not approve of such subtlety and have taken umbrage. These include John “Punch” Prescott, who in the past few months has attacked David Cameron, the Tory leader, as a colour-changing chameleon. Of course, he may have wanted to say cardigan instead of chameleon but that is what came out. Thus a slur was born. It’s not fair but, hey, it’s a jungle out there.

The Labour Party has taken this small, not to say tiny, idea and gone berserk. You think I exaggerate, but yesterday I attended the launch of Labour’s party political broadcast, which is a cartoon called “Dave the Chameleon”. Actually that description does not begin to do it justice. This is bigger than politics. It is bigger than satire. It is box office. It is so big, in fact, that Labour is already planning the sequel. “There will be a Dave the Chameleon, Episode Two!” chortled an MP. I’m only surprised that Hollywood isn’t already involved.

It was a themed press conference planned with the same obsessive attention to detail as those parties organised by Starsky and Hutch fanatics. To fit in, you needed to be dressed as a lounge lizard or at least know how to shed your skin.

There were Dave the Chameleon DVDs, mugs, drink mats and T-shirts. As we waited, we were surrounded by pulsating images of Dave, a blue and bumpy lizard crouched over a mountain bike and wearing a red helmet. The sound system blared Karma Chameleon. I thirsted for silence.

In the corner, on a shelf, there was a tank that held a real live chameleon. He was a vivid green and watched us from behind hooded eyes as he clung to his plastic plants. Attached to the cage was a bright blue Tory rosette with the name “Dave” on it.

I asked a Labour Party press man called Tim about this.

“He’s been officially registered as Dave,” Tim said.

Can you do that? Tim assured me that you could. He said that Dave was a six-month-old veiled Yemeni chameleon who had been born in Britain. He was owned by a Labour Party member and lived in South London. Tim assured me that there was a vet on the premises. “He’s not speaking to the media,” he said. Obviously.

We then saw the film, which also featured Karma Chameleon (a song I never want to hear again). Dave is portrayed as a prat, with scales. He hatches out of a spotted egg like something out of Doctor Seuss. He goes to school in a jaunty straw boater before becoming a PR who rides around in stretch limos, talking on his mobile and quaffing champagne. (I am not making this up). He then becomes Tory leader and, yes, keeps changing his colours.

Afterwards, Jim Murphy, the Cabinet Office Minister, was asked why the Labour Party was mounting such a personal attack. “It is humorous,” he said with a straight face.

Is it? “It is light-hearted,” he said, his words as heavy as elephants.

He said that there was more to come. You could download Dave on to your iPod! There was a ring-tone! I researched this and discovered that it was a posh voice saying: “Hi, this is Dave. I tell people what I think they want to hear but underneath I am true blue.” Is it just me or is this a new low?

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