Ann Treneman: Parliamentary Sketch
Win tickets to the ATP finals
This the story of Three Men in a Bus. They boarded at Downing Street, which seemed a bit odd, not least because the bus was pointing towards a dead end. The bus had no driver, there was no bus stop and the three had no tickets. Since the bus was going nowhere, it probably didn’t matter, but on real buses I have seen people thrown out into moving traffic for less.
I am not sure the three men knew how odd it all was. It’s not the kind of thing you care about if you are the Prime Minister, the Chancellor or the Environment Secretary. After all, this was a political bus that runs on biofuel (when it is actually running, of course). Only carbon dating can tell us the last time any of these three had to fight with a wonky machine to purchase a prepaid bus ticket in order to board without fear.
These men are, arguably, the most powerful trio in Britain. But power doesn’t buy you small talk and, as they sat gingerly on the bus going nowhere, they looked a bit lost. Tony Blair was bemused, for he can always see what he looks like to others (a real political talent). Gordon Brown was chatting fiercely about biofuels, possibly to himself. David “Davy” Miliband just looked as if he was desperate to get off.
As the bus wasn’t moving, this was easy to do. We trooped into Downing Street, where a roomful of teenagers awaited to question them about the Climate Change Bill. The three men sat in front, Gordo at one end, Tony the other. Davy was piggy in the middle. Davy’s head began to swivel from left to right as if he were at a tennis match. I couldn’t help but feel for him.
All three spoke. Tony explained how he was saving the world and that the British people were leading a world revolution. Gordo also is saving the world. He was impressed by the Make Poverty History campaign. He wants to Make Climate Change History, too (expect lime-green wristbands asap). About halfway through, I began to worry about Davy. Surely, with his head in constant motion, he was in serious danger of political whiplash?
Davy then told the kids about the bus. “We’ve just seen a zero carbon bus outside!” The man next to me, who had invented the bus, began to mutter. Apparently, the bus is only 80 per cent carbon free. “It smells a bit of chips, I think, when it runs,” said Davy. More muttering from the man. The bus did not smell of chips (or fish, apparently, which is a shame).
A boy then asked the Prime Minister if he would help him to get solar panels for his school. The PM looked flummoxed. Then, the Chancellor boomed. “There are two things, the Microgeneration Fund and there is also Building Schools for the Future programme.”
For a moment, I saw the future. The Chancellor burbled away about solar panels (they are going be 50 per cent cheaper in a few months, so don’t buy now). Mr Blair could only stand and watch, while Davy sat and swivelled. The political climate is changing, too, before our eyes.
Follow @theredbox, @dannythefink, @NicoHines and @timespolitics for the latest political tweets
Sam Coates keeps you up-to-date with events from Westminster
Industry sectors news at a glance. Interactive heatmap, video and podcast
Everything the Business Traveller needs to know to make a better trip
Get ready for the winter sports season, with our resort guides and snow reports
We are backing British business, what is the confidence of the nation and what businesses are succeeding?
Growing demand for energy, oil that is harder to reach and the rise of carbon dioxide emissions. We examine the energy challenge
Enjoy further reading from Travel to Fashion, Business to Sport, discover more
Shortcuts to help you find sections and articles
36-month car lease
on contract hire for
£359.99 plus VAT pm
12 months for the price of 11 and a 5% discount.
Offer ends 31/11/09
The UK's leading alternative to showroom finance.
Finance packages tailored to your needs.
Minimum loan of £15,000
Car Insurance
£12,578 per annum
The Independent Housing Ombudsman
London
Competitive
Barclaycard
Not Specified
The Sheppard Trust
London
£80-95,000
Clay McGuire Executive Selection
Moments from Battersea Park.
For sale with Winkworth.
See your free Experian credit report beforehand
Book now & save over £100pp.
11 cool resorts, lowest prices... Early Booking offers 15 Nov.
20% off selected Azores holidays taken in October with Sunvil Discovery
Get covered on your travels with a superb range of policies at great prices. Visit InsureandGo.com
World Class Golf, Spa and preferential Beach Club. Private estate overlooking West Coast
Villas from £275 per night inclusive of Golf
Contact our advertising team for advertising and sponsorship in Times Online, The Times and The Sunday Times, or place your advertisement.
Times Online Services: Dating | Jobs | Property Search | Used Cars | Holidays | Births, Marriages, Deaths | Subscriptions | E-paper
News International associated websites: Globrix Property Search | Milkround
Copyright 2009 Times Newspapers Ltd.
This service is provided on Times Newspapers' standard Terms and Conditions. Please read our Privacy Policy.To inquire about a licence to reproduce material from Times Online, The Times or The Sunday Times, click here.This website is published by a member of the News International Group. News International Limited, 1 Virginia St, London E98 1XY, is the holding company for the News International group and is registered in England No 81701. VAT number GB 243 8054 69.