It was just like a movie. The only question is which one. Tony Blair’s last full day as Prime Minister began with the press conference of his dreams. If you had told him, ten years ago, that this event would be with Arnold Schwarzenegger, he would have laughed in disbelief. Yesterday, though, he thought it was completely normal. We are where we are and yesterday we were in La-La Land for the entire day.

It was a wonderful event. Forget Terminators 1, 2, 3. It was obvious that we were seeing, before our very eyes, the prequel to another sequel. Fans may be disappointed. For times change and so do cyborgs. Arnie is now the Governor of California and Mr Climate Change. So, obviously, the title has had to be tweaked. Still, I think The Germinator works, don’t you?

It is all about being green. Not literally. That’s the Incredible Hulk, not the Terminator. Still I don’t see why the Germinator can’t be just a teensy bit chartreuse too. I have to say it did seem a little bit early in the morning for an action movie of any kind. Arnie didn’t disappoint, though. He came in, not walking so much as rocking menancingly from side to side.

The press conference began at 8.30am but Arnie and Tony had held a pre-pre-meeting. Apparently this is perfectly normal in California, where they do deals just after pre-dawn yoga classes. Arnie accused Tony of making him gain five pounds by serving him a traditional English breakfast. I think that such a breakfast may actually be illegal these days in California.

Blair casts himself as EU president candidate

Speaking on French TV, Tony Blair sang the praises of the EU and sketched his agenda for its future, all in fluent French

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It was easy to spot the Californians in the room. They all had that glow about them. Plus, most looked as though they had a surfboard stashed somewhere very close. I have to say that, although Arnie is no longer as huge as most cyborgs, his hands are gigantic. As he gripped the lectern, I imagined that, if he wanted to, he could just pick it up and throw it at us.

To be honest, this movie is going to need some violence. At the moment this is an action movie without, well, action. For instance, after the press conference the stars were having a “round-table” discussion with top green businessmen. That is just way too nice. (At least no one is thinking that Bruce Willis should be involved: it is impossible to imagine that Die Hard could be turned into Live Soft and working aesthetically.)

Arnie and Tony began to muse on leadership and what a great leader the other one was. There was a surreal moment when Tony was asked what he was doing next. “I don’t know because I’m not retired yet,” he said.

This seemed just a little bit ridiculous. Arnie wants him to keep leading on climate change. But it looks as if, first, Mr Blair is going to save the Middle East. “He is without a doubt a great, great diplomat,” said Arnie. “And very brave.” And climate change? “Maybe he can do both!”

Maybe he can. And more besides. For yesterday was the last full day of his old life. It may have begun with Arnie and his Baywatch bunch but it quickly became more chaotic. On a Middle East theme, there were visits to No 10 from Lord Levy and various dignitaries. There were also anti-war protesters, John Prescott and a huge array of people carrying boxes of various types. Actually, we may have changed movies for this was more like Love Actually. But it was the new 50in flat-screen plasma television that seemed to say it all. Gordon Brown, with his appalling eyesight, will need that.

But back to the Terminator and the Terminated. For all things must, eventually, end. I have to say that I was not surprised when Tony stole Arnie’s best line. “My press office said to me, whatever else you do, don’t say, ‘I’ll be back’,” he cried. But I am sure that I heard Arnie say to him, as they moved out of shot: “Hasta la vista, baby, hasta la vista.”

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