It was a disastrous Prime Minister’s Questions for Gordon Brown. He must have known what was coming and yet he reacted to Tory taunts with the incoherent fury of a wounded grizzly bear: rearing back, teeth bared, claws extended, eyes ablaze. As I watched the Beast of Downing Street crash and burn, I felt that only one thing could save him and that was a tranquilliser dart gun.

He was in trouble from the start. Bob Neill, a deeply mediocre Tory, teasingly invited the Prime Minister to come to see a recycling scheme in his constituency. “I could take you and show you one of our bottle banks!” cried Mr Neill.

At the word “bottle” the Commons exploded in laughter but not Grizzly Brown, who only looked enraged. He charged directly at the tiny Tory, his voice booming out over the mocking laughter: “He will therefore be very pleased with the public expenditure settlement with its commitment to the environment!”

Labour MPs looked uneasy. In the Commons, in the space above the government benches, a collective “oh dear” thought bubble emerged. Someone needed to call NHS Direct and order a sense of humour implant, now. On the front bench, Raging Bear looked as if he might need to drink some fresh blood to calm down.

Gordon Brown's Black Wednesday

The Northern Rock disaster has torn away any remaining credibility the Prime Minister had

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Up popped David “Boy” Cameron, backed by a roar of Tory approval, with his trusty slingshot. He took aim. “The big question this week is can we believe what the Prime Minister says?” Mr Brown, he noted, had claimed that he would not have called an election even if he could have won a 100-seat majority. “Does he expect anyone to believe that?”

Bear arose in a red haze. “I will take no lectures from the Leader of the Opposition!” he screamed. Then, just to be sure, he screamed it again. Behind him, the Labour benches were quiet.

So it went on. Boy Cameron popping up, every shot goading the Prime Minister into even more fury. “Do you realise what a phoney you now look?” he cried. Mr Brown shouted back that Labour would govern in the interests of the people. “You are going to have to do better than that!” taunted Boy.

Yes, he will. Yesterday, though, he could not stop himself. The PM embarked on a tirade about the Tories’ inheritance tax plans. This was exactly the kind of bullying rant-a-thon that he used to indulge in at Treasury Questions. For George Osborne, watching from the Tory bench, it was déjà vu all over again. “I’ll tell you what,” cried Boy Dave, “if you’ve got some questions about our policy, find a bit of courage, discover a bit of bottle, get in your car, go down to Buckingham Palace and call an election.”

But Mr Brown could not get in a car for he was an angry bear and bears can’t drive. Plus, this WAS a car crash and so there was no need to seek another one. Boy Dave, riding a wave of Tory sound, went in for the final attack: “For ten years he has plotted and schemed to have this job, and for what? No conviction, just calculation. No vision, just a vacuum!”

Bear was staggering now, his voice hoarse and gravelly: “This is a man who wanted the end to the Punch and Judy show. This is a man who wanted an end to name-calling. We are the Government that has created ten years of economic stability . . .”

As he ranted on, I almost felt sorry for him. Now that is bad. Surely he will have to get some jokes now.

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