Britons (and Australians) in five words

It must have seemed such a simple wheeze to Gordon Brown: a motto to capture what makes Britain great. The idea ticks so many boxes on the Prime Minister’s to-do list that it proved irresistible to him.

A motto would be new, but could convey tradition. Choosing it means consulting people, the kind of participatory democracy that rebuilds trust in politics. And then there is the unstated post-devolution awkwardness of having a Scot as Prime Minister. The motto can highlight Britishness, what unites rather than what divides us. How clever! How British!

However, before the wording of Mr Brown’s motto has even been agreed, let alone embossed on letterheads and passports, the public seems to have rumbled him.

Hundreds of suggestions have been submitted by Times Online readers, in response to an invitation by Comment Central blog. There can, surely, be few citizen’s juries more representative of Middle Britain. And yet they make grim reading for the Prime Minister.

A few make game efforts to enter the spirit of Mr Brown’s earnest endeavour to capture the spirit of Britishness in a few short words. Some are predictable, others a little lame; they wouldn’t really do the trick for Mr Brown. Many more home straight in on the very question of Scotland’s place in the United Kingdom that Mr Brown would rather we all skated over. Others capture a sense of decline, with a sizeable number of contributors linking this with Labour’s decade in power.

Other undercurrents are a fixation with alcohol, nascent hostility to the French and the Americans, and a stubborn refusal to treat the quest for a motto with the seriousness that our Prime Minister clearly thinks it deserves. Several refer to cups of tea; a couple are even devoted to dentistry.

One contributor describes modern Britain thus: “Dipso, Fatso, Bingo, Asbo, Tesco.”

Some attempt to capture the combination of diffidence and stoicism of the British: “Britain, a terribly nice place”, “Less stuffy than we sound”, “Stubborn to the point of greatness” and “Turned out nice again”.

Some readers, a minority admittedly, take the idea seriously. “Britain: my country, my home”, might fit the bill for Mr Brown, at a stretch. “I respect who you are” could appeal to the man who, on becoming Prime Minister, quoted the motto of his old school, Kirkcaldy High: “I will try my utmost.”

There are the worthy, if cheesy: “Great people, great country, Great Britain”, “Hail Great Britain! Live, develop and flower”, “A country so brave and true”, “Fairness for all” and “For honour and for freedom”.

A touch of Victorian triumphalism is evident in some: “Pride, passion, history, monarchy, exploration” or “Courage, reason, humanity, democracy, monarchy”.

Then come the less comfortable, captured thus: “Promoting ahistorical unity myths since 1066.” Others are more pointed: “West Lothian was my undoing”, “Britain will always be England” or “Britain is dead. Long live England”.

Just as unwelcome to the Prime Minister are mottos with a broader political flavour: “Once Great: Britain”, “Once mighty empire, slightly used”, “Your nation, ruined by Labour”, and “Going down with Brown”.

“Americans who missed the boat,” another contribution hinting at a lack of national pride, is offset by “At least we’re not France”.

“My other car’s a Porche [sic]”, which is another of the suggestions, would also look inappropriate on Downing Street writing paper. Porsches are German, anyway.

A minority see the exercise solely as a search for an explanation for the nation’s lack of sporting success. This is especially unhelpful for Mr Brown, since in most sports England and Scotland compete as separate nations.

There were signs in Whitehall yesterday that Mr Brown may be going cool on the idea. Last month Michael Wills, a Constitutional Affairs Minister, told MPs that he welcomed suggestions for a national motto. But his department said yesterday: “The Ministry of Justice is working on a statement of values. If proposals for a motto come from that, obviously we would look at them.”

Returning to the drawing board would chime with several ideas from Times Online readers. One proposes: “Britain is great without a motto.”

How we see ourselves

Yeah, but no, but yeah

Posted by: Baskerville

We strive for valiant defeat

Tom

Let’s discuss it down the pub

Pete

Pride, passion, history, monarchy & exploration

PK

Robbin' hoodie and Jade Goody

Josh

Britain; Live wrong and prosper!

Simon

Care, responsibility and fun

Mark Synge

Great people, Great country, Great Britain

Eileen

Land of yobs and morons

Jake

Ave Britannia! Vivat, Crescat, Floreat! (Hail Great Britain, live, develop and flourish)

Chris Gillibrand

Great once, and great again

KipEsquire

Oggie, oggie, oi, oi, oi!

Rob

Sorry, is this the queue?

Mark Joint

Drinking continues till morale improves

Freddie

In America we trust

David Cunard

At least we’re not American

KH, USA

At least we’re not French

Sig

National mottos are for wimps

Lilly

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