Amazing battle scenes in the Lords as a debate on defence turned nasty. Actually I think the Armed Forces have declared war — on their own Government. Yesterday it was not so much “we will fight them on the beaches” as “we will fight them on the benches”. The red benches, that is.

The attack was launched from land, sea and air by no fewer than five former Chiefs of the Defence Staff. I believe this is what the Americans call a “surge”. I understand it has been given the codename Operation Destroy Reputations.

I tell you, these men do not mess around. They not only know the SAS, they are the SAS. It was only modesty, and possibly because they were wearing smart suits, that prevented them from abseiling in.

They already have the Prime Minister on the run. Literally. For I couldn’t help but notice that Gordon Brown had not only fled the building but the country. As the military men attacked, he was sheltering in Uganda under the thin excuse of attending a Commonwealth summit. But everyone in the Lords knew the truth.

General Lord Guthrie of Craigiebank certainly did. He had been chief of the defence staff from 1997 to 2001. “He was the most unsympathetic Chancellor, as far as defence was concerned. The only time he came to the MoD while I was there, I recall, was when he came to talk about the Rosyth dockyard, which was in his constituency. He must take much of the blame for the very serious situation in which we find the services today.”

No wonder Gordo was in Kampala. But if the Prime Minister was viewed with suspicion, Des Browne was treated with outright derision. Des’s crime is to have been appointed to two jobs: he is Defence Secretary and also Scottish Secretary. Thus his military knickname, “Two Jobs Des”. There was no sight of him yesterday. I’m sure Des had fled to somewhere safer, like Iraq.

Admiral Lord Boyce attacked Des and his multitasking. “This is seen as an insult by our soldiers on the front line and I know this because I have reason to speak to them a lot,” he said, his words biting so hard that you could see the teethmarks. “It is a demonstration of the disinterest and some might say contempt the Prime Minister and his Government have for our Armed Forces. It shows an appalling lack of judgment at a time when our people are being killed and being maimed.”

The Admiral stood tall, a furious figurehead determined to plough the murky waters of defence spending. He annhilated the claim that there had been any real increases in the defence budget. What about the replacement for Trident? Now that had to be accommodated, too.

It was all “smoke and mirrors”. “If I were to cut to the truth, we will find it is actually negative, especially if one extracts the £550 million to be spent on the slum accommodation which should have been replaced years ago.”

There were, incredibly, only two peers on the Labour benches. Perhaps they feared an ambush which, actually, was about right. Lord Boyce was still on the warpath. “This negative budget is why if you go to the MoD today you will find blood on the floor as the defence programme is slashed to meet the desperate funding situation.”

Blood on the floor? How about blood on the benches? No one would ever know in the Lords, of course. It has perfect camouflage.

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