Ann Treneman: Parliamentary Sketch
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I have never thought of John Hutton as a passionate man but yesterday he came
to the Commons glowing. Yes, glowing, as he told us of his new amour. He had
kept it a secret because, for Labour, this has been a love that dared not
speak its name. But now that has changed. The Energy Secretary’s statement
was long and detailed but it amounted to this: I (heart) Nuclear.
John spoke, with the deep yearning that befits a Mills and Boon hero, of an
idyllic tryst that had taken place only the day before in deepest Suffolk.
His new love may have an unconventional name (Sizewell B was popular for
only a brief period in the 1980s) but he doesn’t care about such things.
“Sizewell B is a phenomenal success story,” he told us dreamily. She was
“probably the most successful PWR reactor in the world”.
I began to worry about his happy glow. Some MPs looked concerned but no one
shouted: “Is there a Geiger counter in the House?” John was oblivious to
all, for he couldn’t stop talking about the wonders of his nuclear love.
Sizewell B was “just coming to the end of 445 days of full-load capacity
without a break”. He gushed: “This is an extraordinary achievement.”
The Tories are sentimental about nuclear and they looked on, eyes welling with
tears (for politicians have been quick to take on board the Hillary lesson).
Alan Duncan, the Tory shadow, isn’t known as Hunky Dunky for nothing: he
immediately declared his approval. He would do whatever he could to help –
open champagne, shower confetti, change the planning laws, whatever.
I think John blushed at this, though it was hard to tell with the glow. Tory
after Tory praised the new civil engineering partnership. One got carried
away and spoke of his hope that it would result in a happy event, to be
called Sizewell C.
There was bound, of course, to be gossip and criticism. Enter Steve Webb, the
nerdy Lib-Dem who does, actually, wear an anorak. He carped and moaned about
Mr Hutton’s new love, saying it was all a result of a “sham consultation”.
At the word “sham”, Mr Hutton twitched. This was fighting talk. How dare this
wonky little man insult the wonderful Sizewell? Mr Hutton hit back: “I’m all
in favour of reducing emissions. I think we can start with what comes out of
your mouth.”
That told him. But Mr Webb had started something. Labour MPs began to protest
and not in a small way. It was (almost) like when the vicar asks, during a
wedding, if anyone has any objection. Yesterday at least half of Labour
backbenchers did.
Paul Flynn, an old leftie, was spluttering with indignation. “Why on earth are
we repeating the nuclear folly of past years?” he cried. “The new thinking
on waste is to bury it in a hole in the ground which was the answer 40 years
ago!”
The attack gained ground. “This statement is as full of holes as the
Sellafield reprocessing plant,” moaned another.
For John, this was personal: after all, Sellafield was almost family for him
now. Finally up popped Chris Mullin, the weedy but effective former
minister, who noted that the nuclear industry had a long history of
misleading the public. “What makes you think you haven’t been misled this
time?”
It is, of course, the age-old question asked of many a smitten man. “I would
say to him and others, it is a different set of situations we are in now,”
pleaded Mr Hutton, for nothing was going to take his glow away.

Sam Coates's blog about Westminster, politics and spin
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