No one cared much about Welsh Questions before yesterday. I’m sorry, Wales, but it’s true. Normally this monthly half-hour of Total Welshness is watched by three (maybe two) people. But yesterday, in the press gallery, a herd of us stampeded through the door. “It’s like an execution,” one sensitive soul muttered.

Our condemned man was Peter Hain. We could hardly wait to see him. This, also, was unprecedented. Normally, people travel miles out of their way to avoid the politician previously known for a tanning regime that means that he is often orange. But now Mr Hain is in trouble for his bizarre financial affairs and the heat is on. The PM had excused it all as incompetence, which was the nicest thing anyone said all week. (By the way, the Welsh word for it is anghymwys, which sums it all up so much better.)

Mr Hain was chirpy but pale. Clearly, his financial woes have disrupted his rigorous sunbed schedule. Still, he was bouncing around like Tigger and it soon became clear that Mr Hain simply adored all the attention. “I’ve never known Welsh Questions to be so popular!” he chortled. “And I welcome everybody!”

This cry was almost poignant. For the Tories and the Lib Dems had turned out in force but not Labour. No other Cabinet Minister was there to support him. He is the Billy-No-Mates of the Government. So, on the front bench, as he faced one of the biggest tests of his career, his team consisted of his deputy and the Welsh whip. Normally the whip would sit down the bench. Yesterday he was instantly promoted to best-friend status.

It was lucky for Mr Hain that his main tormentor was the utterly hopeless Tory, Nigel Evans. He rambled on about Welsh manufacturing jobs until finally arriving at this: “Given the Secretary of State’s growing lack of credibility and the mire that now surrounds him, would not the best prospect for new jobs in Wales be for him to quit his two jobs today?”

Mr Hain (who is also Work and Pensions Secretary) bounced up and shouted excitedly. “Thanks for that supporting question!” He then launched into a hymn to Wales. Everything about Wales was great: the universities, jobs, training, flowers, etc. When asked if Welsh slate should be marketed better, Mr Hain shouted his response: “The opportunity for Welsh slate is very great!”

His Tory Shadow is Cheryl Gillan, who is competent if rather unexciting. She asked him if he had any regrets over the way he has endorsed businesses in Wales over the years.

Mr Hain boinged up again. It was scary how much he loved the limelight. I almost expected him to shout at the rafters: “Spotlight, please!” Instead, he looked up, paused dramatically, and warbled: “I have absolutely no regrets . . .”

This caused unrest, shouting and, yes, singing. Thank goodness Edith Piaf is no more, for this was a travesty. “. . . over the business endorsements!” he cried, loving it.

By now the other front benches were filling up as Prime Minister’s Questions approached. But the Labour bench remained bare. At 11.52, Alan Johnson arrived and sat as far away as possible. As did Ruth Kelly. The Prime Minister arrived at 11.58, offering an entire two minutes of his support.

But the PM made up for it later when a Tory claimed that it was obvious that Mr Hain was a “dead man walking”. At this, Mr Hain looked startled, but not in an unpleasant way: the attention was on him and it was exciting.

And it just kept getting better for now the PM began to sing his praises. “When it comes to the work of the Secretary of State for Work – unemployment is down! Employment is up! Single parents – more are in jobs! Incapacity benefit – less people are claiming benfit on incapacity!” cried Gordon Brown, who no longer bothers to speak in full sentences if he can avoid it. “That’s why I have confidence in what he is doing!”

Mr Hain looked as if he might burst with pride. Peter-No-Mates had a mate – and he was the Prime Minister. Mr Hain beamed. No regrets! Spotlight, please!

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