It was race day at Westminster, and I am not talking about pancakes. Well, OK, there was a bit of pancake make-up flipping around but that is to be expected when TV cameras are involved. For the big race yesterday was over who was going to be whiter than white on MPs’ expenses. Suddenly everyone at Westminster wants to be seen to shop at Ethics’R’Us.

The field was, predictably, rather weird. Gordon Brown and David Cameron were our “celebrity” runners but, as this is Westminster, they are more “polebrities”. No one knows where Nick Clegg is. Perhaps he is boycotting the race on health and safety grounds. Maybe the Lib Dems are against pancake races on the ground of cruelty to pancakes. We await news.

The Speaker, Michael Martin, is in the far outside lane. A portly dinosaur, he is believed by many to have flipped some time ago. He has set up a committee on MPs’ expenses with some fellow ancient types. No one expects much: the polar icecaps may melt before a report is issued. The Speaker is in the race, but he is running backwards at breakneck pace.

Sir George Young, the giraffe-like chairman of the Standards and Privileges Committee, was a late entry. I was not surprised to see him. After all, Sir George has been shopping at Ethics’R’Us for years. At noon his committee announced that it wanted all MPs to name relatives working for them by April 1. A masterly flip.

But first out of the blocks yesterday was David “Daz” Cameron. He called a snap press conference and showed up in a shirt as dazzlingly white as an iceberg. He came armed with that most powerful of entities at Westminster: a new form.

He is calling it the “Right to Know” form. It is for MPs to list all their expenses plus a list of staff, including family members. The form looks a bit amateur (think kindergartener with yellow crayon) but, as an idea, it is political gold.

Mr Cameron wants Tories to fill it out and publish by July. He had unveiled it at a morning meeting attended by all Tory MPs (except those running in the – real – pancake race). Were there cries of horror? “Change is always painful and difficult,” he noted. “Not everyone was universally enthusiastic.”

He told us about his expenses (he claims an allowance for his second home in Oxfordshire – interest-only mortgage) and how much he loves his job, whatever the pay. The halo was glowing.

Dave was asked about the Wintertons, the Tory couple who pay rent, with our money, on a property they already own. Dave said that such arrangements must be defensible in the “court of public opinion”.

He added, with stabbing clarity: “It is difficult, if I could put it that way, to do that in this case.”

Dave finished, beaming with saintliness. Flippin’ marvellous, as they don’t say at Eton. Only now did he allow himself to look over his shoulder. Where was the Prime Minister? Why wasn’t he there, clunking fist gripping a frying pan? Had he disappeared?

Not at all, said his aides. The Great Gordo was very much in the race and writing a letter on this subject to the Speaker. We waited and waited as Gordon slaved away: was he using a chisel?

The letter arrived after 5.30pm. Gordo wants all Labour MPs to declare family members working for this not by April but a.s.a.p.! The commentators went wild: Gordo was in the race. He had had a flip! But was it really enough to beat Daz? It’s not over yet.

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