Everyone has a secret passion which, in another light, could be seen as a vice. For some it is chocolate, for others cigarettes, alcohol or (the shame) daytime TV. Gordon Brown is no exception though he is so cautious that it’s hard to imagine him having a hobby much less a passion. He has tried to hide this from us but yesterday the Leader of the Opposition named and shamed.

“Can the Prime Minister tell us how many reviews he has set up since becoming Prime Minister?” teased Mr Cameron.

Mr Brown shot up, looking as guilty as sin. He had entered the chamber looking distracted, plonked his binder on the table, tipping over a crystal water glass (full). He didn’t notice as the water pooled round the dispatch box, where it eddied.

“There have been a number of reviews,” he gabbled, “and it is right to do so.”

This was met by mocking laughter for this is like a 40-a-day man saying that he may have had “a few” fags that day and that smoking each of them had been in the national interest.

“The Prime Minister has established 52 reviews!” cried Mr Cameron to barks of laughter. “That is one every four days.”

Mr Cameron listed some topics, including behaviour partnerships and sunbeds. “Presumably,” he crowed, “that is to keep the former Welsh Secretary busy now he is not in government.” This reference to Peter Hain was met with more howls. It must be said that, since he quit, Mr Hain has become noticeably more orange.

Now Mr Cameron shouted: “Who is the source of this dithering, or does the Prime Minister need a bit more time to find out?”

This stung Mr Brown. “Too many soundbites not enough substance,” the Prime Minister snapped, shouting that the nation wanted his reviews. Is this true? I’m not sure. The main thing I wanted, at that moment, was to mop up that water. The room was full of the most politically powerful people in the land and no one had a cloth.

Mr Cameron now had Mr Brown were he wanted him, cornered and defensive. “When will the Prime Minister understand it is not reviews that people want, it’s decisions that people want!”

Even I could see what was coming and, sure enough, Mr Cameron picked a subject that Mr Brown was reviewing (A levels) and demanded he make a decision, there and then, at the marooned dispatch box. “Are A levels here to stay?” he cried.

Mr Brown began to defend his review on A levels by saying it was right to not make a decision until 2012. “That is the right decision for the country!” he shouted.

I listened to Mr Brown and his sonic-boom voice and thought how he had allowed himself to be cornered. Why? It’s as though he has given up at getting better at Prime Minister’s Questions. It’s supposed to be a jousting match but, under him, it has become much more leaden. Gordon makes it easy for Dave, for he just slugs away with his great clunking fist, often missing entirely. Sometimes I can feel the whiffle of air up in the press gallery.

Dave, meanwhile, dances round him, as irritating and as bold as Squirrel Nutkin. “It’s a simple question!” he cried now, jabbing away. “This is a hopeless, dithering Prime Minister!”

And, at this moment, a marooned Prime Minister too. Perhaps the PM should concentrate on getting a bit better at this. Indeed, why not set up Review No 53? The topic of it could be: “How to improve my performance at PMQs”. Surely he can’t resist.

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