It was a day of global turbulence for the Prime Minister. He had come to the Commons to report on how he and the European Council are rescuing us from worldwide economic meltdown. It's all terribly dramatic (for him, at least, for he has cast himself as the lead in this film). He stood before us, oozing stability and responsibility from every pore. It was all going great until he opened his mouth and emitted pure gobbledegook.

He was very proud of his first announcement on transparency. There is - sound the bells - going to be “prompt and full disclosure of exposures to structured products”. The reaction was beyond stunned: it was as if the entire Commons had just come from a mass Botox session. The Prime Minister sped up. There is going to be more rigour, better valuation of liquids (sounds dodgy but I'm sure that's possible) and, finally, triumphantly, this: “A strengthening of risk management under the Capital Requirements Directive.” The Commons reacted to this coup with a group myxomatosis stare.

When the going gets tough, the tough get going faster. Mr Brown was speeding along too fast now. We may have to install a speed camera in the Commons if this keeps up. About the only thing I can report is that there is going to be a new approach to sovereign wealth funds, which are worth two twillion. Yes, twillion: that's what happens to trillions in global turbulence.

No one wanted to ask him about any of this (I can't think why). Mr Brown may have drunk too much Red Bull for he was in a highly agitated state. His hand bounced up and down on the dispatch box, in a violent bunny-jump movement, as he taunted the Tories for not knowing anyone in Europe. Sadly, in his outraged state, he referred to the Czech Republic as Czechoslovakia.

“Ahhhhh!” shouted the Tories.

It was a “Czech-mate” moment. Mr Brown tried to correct himself without saying that he'd made an actual error. The Opposition, in an inexplicably ebullient mood, wouldn't let it go.

Robert Goodwill, a Tory who likes his actions to contradict his name, teased: “Following from your reference to Czechoslovakia - obviously that's a faraway place of which you know little - do we now have evidence that you have been receiving foreign affairs briefings from the President of the United States?”

Mr Brown hated this. This was HIS movie and it was being ruined by Tory show-offs with deceptive names. He particularly resented the reference to Neville Chamberlain's September 27, 1938, statement: “How horrible, fantastic, incredible it is that we should be digging trenches and trying on gas-masks here because of a quarrel in a faraway country between people of whom we know little.” How dare Mr Badwill tease him on this?

The session juddered on to yet another faraway place, Tibet. Actually, Mr Brown doesn't call it Tibet but Tea-bet. He wants China to show restraint to Tea-bet but wouldn't say if he would meet the Tibetan spiritual leader, the Dalai Lama (who, at one point became Dai Lama, though I had no idea he was Welsh).

“Will you meet him? A simple yes or no will do,” he was asked.

But nothing is simple for Mr Brown. He refused to be drawn on Tea-bet, or Dai Lama, or Czechoslovakia. For these are turbulent times, for the economy and for Mr Brown.

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