The Tories are mobilising on the Iraq war. It is a bit late, granted. It is a bit strange, given their pro-war position. Indeed, as the powerful voice of William Hague led the charge for an immediate inquiry into the war, some Labour MPs were incredulous at what they were hearing. “If you expect me to come into the voting lobby with you, that would be unreal,” spat one Labour MP who was (and remains) antiwar but now found himself to be even more anti-Tory.

Mr Hague did not flinch. He is used to unreal, for he has been in the Tory party a long time. Indeed, as if to oblige us with a dictionary definition of “unreal”, Lembit Opik now popped up from the Lib Dem benches. “Those of us who voted against the war felt it was impossible to avoid the quagmire than we now face,” noted Mr Opik, a well-known sage and the resident intellectual of Hello! magazine and all things in Cheeky Girl land.

Mr Hague was not diverted. Indeed, I am not sure that Mr Hague, whose skills as an orator only grow, could have been diverted.

“The case I wish to put to this House now, is that the nation expects, our troops deserve and the facts lead to a fresh conclusion that the time to commence such an inquiry has indeed now been reached,” Mr Hague intoned. “The passage of time, the urgent need to learn for the future, the need to reinforce the credibility of future decision-taking and the diminished role in Iraq of British Forces all point to that clear conclusion.”

As the words soared around the chamber, David Miliband, the Foreign Secretary, was seen to be acting oddly. Mr Miliband simply cannot do impassive. His face is a traitor, betraying his every thought. Yesterday he gurned and he gurgled throughout.

“This Government has set up more than 50 reviews,” noted Mr Hague, giving examples including tourism and sunbeds. Mr Miliband looked disgusted. “Yes it has!” crowed Mr Hague. “You may not be aware of it but the Government is reviewing sunbeds!”

Why was the Government so keen on reviewing sunbeds and assorted other topics but not the most important event of the decade? It “defied credibility” that a review should be seen as too much of a distraction.

Mr Miliband hated that and much else. At one point he stuck out his lower lip until it seemed as solid as a shelf. At other times his upper lip, always threatening a moustache revolt, was doing something that looked like calisthenics. Whatever else our Foreign Secretary is, he does not have a stiff upper lip.

But then he did not have much of an argument either. For the Government is in favour of an inquiry, just not now. The priority was the situation on the ground, not serving an inquiry here.

There was much to do in training and mentoring in Iraq. (Indeed, mentoring is the new raison d’être with our military.)

This brought incredulity, some of it from his side. “Given reports from Basra today, most people would see a new inquiry now as a bizarre choice of priority,” Mr Miliband argued.

This was too much for Sir Malcolm Rifkind, a former foreign secretary now reduced to spluttering like an angry rhino. “Is that not precisely why we need to have an inquiry? The events going on today in Basra demonstrate the inadequacy of the preparation for one of the worst conflicts that any British Government has been responsible for in the last 100 years.”

At this Mr Miliband’s stiff upper lip finally clicked into place and not a moment too soon.

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