I suspect that Gwyneth Dunwoody would have hated most of the tributes made to her. It is rumoured that last week, after her death, someone had the audacity to call her “kindly”. She would have responded to that with devastating astringency. Indeed, I cannot imagine anyone saying such a thing when she was alive.

She disliked cant and hypocrisy. This put her at odds with almost all MPs almost all of the time. I don’t know, but I think that she must have seen Ruth Kelly, the almost comically pedestrian Transport Secretary, as particularly wanting.

Last week Ruth paid tribute by saying that Gwyneth was “larger than life”. Honestly. In life, Gwyneth was not only large but capacious and she was bigger than that epitaph. What Ruth actually meant to say was that she was terrified of her. I think she still may be, even in death.

Ruth began yesterday with another tribute that she read out as if seeing it for the first time. I mean, how hard is it to memorise two sentences? Ruth, eyes squinting down at her notes, extolled Gwyneth for her passion for social justice and her “pertinent if sometimes mischievous” opinions. This made her sound like a do-gooding elf, rather than a 77-year-old battleaxe in the best tradition.

I automatically craned my head round to see Gwyneth’s seat – on the aisle, fourth bench back; an awkward place for an awkward lady – to see how the dragon would respond. I truly expected to see her there, resplendent in a solid mass of matchy-matchy pastel, an outfit bifurcated by a long strand of pearls that always seemed quite at odds with her personality.

I was not the only one to glance over. I saw several other MPs do so. As Louise Ellman noted, speaking from a nearby bench, her eyes flitting nervously over to the place: “It seems strange to be here without her watchful eye over proceedings.”

Indeed, it was not only strange but desperate. Heathrow may be hell but so is Transport Questions without Mrs Dunwoody. We had to wait until the quaintly named “topical question” period for the word “airport” to be mentioned.

Ruth proudly noted that she had responded to the airport chaos by – drum roll please – setting up a review. And it was not just any review but one advised by a panel of independent experts.

In Brownian terms, this is an accolade. Independent experts are the most sought-after species in all of Brown’s United Kingdom.

Gwyneth’s last acerbic contribution on transport had been on March 31 during a statement on Terminal 5. We missed her follow-up yesterday. The only recompense was that her death had attracted a not-so-nice crowd. John Reid, the sorely missed former Home Secretary, made a rare visit to the chamber to offer his highest praise: “I am one of those in that long line of former transport ministers who withered under her scrutiny.”

The tributes got stranger. “She was a tough cookie but she was our tough cookie,” declared Stephen Ladyman.

It got to the point where everyone had to say something. Andrew Miller, an extremely ordinary Labour backbencher, lumbered up. “She was a formidable lady and, sadly, at the end of her life I was in disagreement with her.”

He may be sad but I doubt she was. Indeed, I expect she was rather happy about it.

My favourite moment came when Anne McIntosh, a well-respected Tory, announced: “There will always be a corner of this chamber which is forever Gwyneth’s.”

She looked over to see Gwyneth’s place, empty but still, somehow, occupied.

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