Ad Borem Johannis Filium:

Ad te, puerum gratum, epistulam hanc gratulabundam Temporum Servi mittimus.

Salve, Faba Vetus.

Praefecti Londinensis proposita tametsi ioca Latine reddere, hic labor, hoc opus hominis litterati est. Nihilominus - Num Magistratus est? Si Latine ordine loqui in animo habes instituere in decurionum conciliis, linguae gymnnasium Latinae componere oportet. Urente Troia, Hecuba ad Priamum aetate provectum alloquebatur. “Non tali auxilio nec defensoribus istis tempus eget.” Te tamen, iuvenis, eget tempus. Sed in consilio multo diutius sedebis. Atque miserere scribas actorum diurnorum quos verba tua reddere cogunt et ars scribendi et Domini Nostri asperes.

* English translation below

To Boris Johnson: Dear Boy, we hacks of The Times send you this congratulatory open letter.

What Ho! Old Bean. It is hard work for a Scholar and Gent to construe the proposals and even the jolly japes of the Mayor of London into Latin. Nevertheless - is this really a job for a Mayor? If you intend to make Latin the compulsory language for meetings in City Hall, you are going to have to introduce Latin classes and prep for its members. Troy was burning when Hecuba addressed aged Priam: “This is no time for such help and such a helper as poor old tottering you with your rusty sword.” However, this is the time for you, young man. But we warn you that you are going to have to sit for much longer for your Assembly meetings. And, please, have pity on us poor hacks, who are employed to report your words by our profession and our Hard Masters.

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