Ann Treneman
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The Dalai Lama arrived at Westminster in a silver Merc accompanied by three other silver Mercs. His Holiness may be close to the heavenly light but he does not travel light. Still, who can blame him, for he had a heavy morning ahead.
He emerged to a sight that would terrify most people: 16 Lib-Dems, all in a row, goggle-eyed at the prospect of meeting the holiest sandal-wearer of them all. Mr Lama giggled his way down the line, bowing so much that he bobbed away like a cork in the sea. Lembit Öpik bowed twice back because he is a creep.
“I heard you on the radio this morning, brushing my teeth!” trilled Nick Clegg as His Holiness tried to hold his hand. Mr Lama thought this hilarious. Mr Clegg smiled sheepishly. They all trooped off for coffee and biscuits.
Poor Mr Lama. After the Lib-Dems, he had to appear before the Foreign Affairs Select Committee chaired by Mike Gapes, also known as His Grovelness. Mr Gapes is a man who worships Labour: he bows to Gordon and no one else – or so we thought. But the moment he saw Mr Lama, working the crowd who had gathered to see him, Mr Gapes bobbed. “Welcome!” he cried as Mr Lama giggled (possibly at the sight of Mr Gapes bowing, we will never know).
It has to be said that Mr Lama is pure box office. He is the crowd-pleaser to end all crowd-pleasers. He began by getting out the crimson man-bag that he always carries and which I thought contained something sacred or at least the meaning of life.
Like a magician, Mr Lama brought out its contents: first he brandished a crimson visor (it matched his robes perfectly) and placed it at a rakish angle on his shaven head. Then he showed us his spectacles case with great delight. He brought out a tiny cellophane-wrapped item. “A sweetie!” he cried, giggling.
Then he began to ramble. “Sometimes on the aeroplane, breakfast is quite small. I need not only quality but quantity because the Buddhist monk – no dinner. So I always carry some bread.”
It seemed a shame when we had to quit playing “Show Me Your Manbag” and talk about human rights. To start Mr Lama did a lot more bowing (he can bow while he sits). His testimony was powerful if hard to understand. The committee, starstruck, did not interrupt. His Holiness used his voice for all its worth, often switching from his normal low range to squeaky falsetto.
He criticised and praised China, emphasising that he seeks autonomy, not independence, for Tibet. Most answers were long, a series of staccato phrases held together with pauses. But it was the short ones that made the impact. When he was asked if Britain was doing enough to help Tibet, he barked: “Not enough!”
There was a lot of giggling. Indeed, he seemed to find questions about Gordon Brown particularly funny. He did get serious, for a nanosecond, when asked if the PM should meet him at No 10. “For me, no difference. So long as meeting and talk – that is important. I always meet on the level we are human beings.”
One MP noted, of politicians: “We are human beings too!”
At this His Holiness let out an extraordinarily high-pitched giggle. “You are human too!” he cried, laughing like a drain.
Then he was off in a swirl of crimson. I tell you, if he wasn’t a revered spiritual leader, he’d be a great ham actor. He’s a Drama-Lama, that’s for sure.
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Seems to me no one gets the joke these days. I was raised Catholic but could not contain my laughter when I first saw Life of Brian. Same thing in here a bit of sense of humour people would not harm anyone!! If Dalai Lama can giggle, follow his example:Always look at the bright side of life!!!
Jessi, London,
This seems to be some king of record for journalistic lows!!!!
How badly can a point be missed.?
Ann, take up fashion writing if handbags are what intrest you.
Yes, his visor matches , it is the allowed colour.
When in the company of the wise and the caring try once listening to their words.
Lisa Jennings, London, UK
Dear Ann,
Please imagine fleeing your own country under tyranny and not being allowed back for 50 years. Please imagine millions of your near and dear ones put to death and crippled by state machinery. Close your eyes and imagine and then let me know if you can even smile. Please learn to respect.
Rakesh , London, UK
We Buddhists do have a sense of humour, but I find this most disrespectful. I wonder if she would have made the same fun of His Holiness the Pope?
Liz , Norwich,
The Dalai Lama may offer Ms Treneman endless occasions for smug amusement, but the real issue is that this man, with humour, determination, and exceptional forgiveness toward his enemies, has helped save a people who have suffered from genocide. Let her try preserving a culture from extinction.
Gustav Fried, Paris, France
I'm usually a fan of Ann's parliamentary sketches but this one is way off the mark. It does not begin to capture the Dalai Lama's charm and Charisma - something that is sorely lacking among British politicians. The Dalai Lama is much more politically savvy than Ann gives him credit for.
Parvati P., London, UK
The phrase "if you can keep your head whilst those around you are losing theirs..." comes to mind. The Dalai Lama's wisdom is the only thing that makes sense in a world full of war, terror & corruption... I am no Buddhist, but surely it doesnt take a genius to see that this man is an absolute legend
Laurine, London,
Raymond Ng, Singapore, i can't agree more. I live in Chengdu, the closest metropolis near the area hit by the disaster. we have volunteers here, rescue teams here, we saw donations from lots of organizations. All kinds of efforts, except one from those human rights advocators. How disgusting!
Zhao, Chengdu, China
I think this is a good article. Giggly? So what; in these hard times you need humour to survive.
What to make of the Dalai Lama the monk, statesman, person? Go beyond his stage persona, and beyond prejudice. The good start would be to read this book review:
http://www.nybooks.com/articles/21391
Neddy, Sydney, Australia
Every time you talk name starting Dalai Lama, you distort the
facts of Tibetan community, this fight is not just the Monks, it's
the community of Tibet, why so much hypocracy in cheap politicos, be human for change :Ken
Cllr Ken Tiwari (independent), Oxford, United Kingdom
Why make fun of a good and hold man? So sad.
Bergman Coffey, Belfast,
Perhaps, we can understand what kind of a man the Dalai Lama is, from his own words:
""Our prime purpose in this life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them."
Dilip Dhokia, Bradford, UK
The Dalai is a great and wonderful man,Raymond Ng...of course he cares for his people..he is not allowed back to his own country annexed by Chinese communist party...open youreyes...CHINA IS THE PROBLEM...
Jean, London, England
I've got nothing against him but the Dalai Lama doesn't actually say anything of purpose. Ever. It's all giggles and smiles, yet he's regarded as a statesman.
Richard, Manchester,
Why does this girlishly giggly and hysterical article poke fun at a man, who, as Ann should know, has to tread a tightrope to avoid giving offence to the Chinese, so that they will not injure his people, while at the same time seeking support for his people against the invaders of his country?
Amin Aswet, Gibraltar,
What a shame and sham. The Dalai Lama is talking about his cookies and human rights when many of "his" people are suffering under rubbles and face the terrible prospect ahead. He should be ashamed of himself, so should those so called human rights supporters. Where are they now? All great actors!
Raymond Ng, Singapore, Singapore