She is known as Harriet Harperson and she was the happiest that I have ever seen her as she unveiled her beloved Equality Bill. She’s on her white horse (make that a mare) and she’s going to shake things up. Young and old, black and white, female and male. We’ll all be better off in Harriet’s brave new world.

At times, she actually glowed. This was too much for the renegade Tories. “Disgusting!” they shouted as she told us why it can be right positively to discriminate. “Outrageous!” Harriet took that as a compliment. She has been called many names, for her painfully earnest brand of feminism drives many to distraction, but never anything as exciting as outrageous. She glowed even more. She told us that she is tackling “Sexism in the City”. For Harriet, this was positively risqué.

Philip Davies is head of the renegades known, on the Tory back benches, as the Taleban Tendency. Yesterday he was beside himself. “This Bill has nothing to do with equality! This is the most politically correct Bill ever from the most politically correct minister that this country has ever seen.”

Harriet blushed. So many compliments! Mr Davies kept on ranting. “This reintroduces discrimination into the workplace. How many of her colleagues - hand-wringing white male colleagues - have offered to give up their seats in this House to make way for more women and more ethnic minorities?”

Times Archive, 1946: Equal pay

Existing wage differences go well beyond anything that can be explained by differences in the overall efficiency of men and women as workers

A Labour backbencher shouted: “You’re in the Stone Age!” Actually I think Mr Davies took that as a compliment. The sisterhood was out in force. Patricia “Patsy” Hewitt said what was needed now was a European equality directive. At this Philip Davies’s body contorted and sprang involuntarily into the air. (“He’s frothing at the mouth!” cried one Labour MP).

Harriet thanked Patsy and told her she was wonderful. “Her comment today reminds me of happy days when she was director of Liberty and I was the legal officer and we were together on the women’s rights committee,” trilled Harriet as Patsy glowed. John Bercow, a Tory fan of hers (yes, they do exist), heaped praise on the plan. Harriet praised his praise. “He is proof that not all on his side are still stuck in a Stone Age. And also, from what he said, I would say - although I would have to reflect on this with my colleagues - perhaps he ought to be regarded as an honorary member of the sisterhood!” Now Bercow was glowing. This was getting ridiculous.

Ian Gibson, the Labour MP who is a very young 69, was also full of compliments. “I can’t say that the elderly will be dancing in the streets tonight because of, uh, functional problems,” he announced, “but I’m sure they will welcome it too.” Harriet, now almost heady with it all, said: “Has he seen Strictly Come Dancing! Does he know how old Bruce Forsyth is?”

Fiona Mackintosh, the Labour MP, was exasperated. “The Daily Express describes this as ‘White Men to Face Jobs Ban’.” she said. “I would think they would have welcomed it given the age of their readers. But will you give some articulation that this is not a proposal to ban white men from jobs?” Harriet nodded. “I absolutely can,” she said. “I share your frustration at the deliberate misunderstanding. This is about promoting fairness!” As she said this, Harriet Harperson looked ferociously earnest. For her, this is as close to Heaven as it gets.

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