David Davis can breathe easy: the best known of the 25 opponents he will face in the Haltemprice and Howden by-election has no intention of actually winning.

That's not just because David Icke, the former Coventry City goalkeeper, BBC sports presenter, Green Party spokesman and self-proclaimed Son of God, supports Mr Davis's campaign to hold back the barriers of the state. It's mostly because if he did become an MP, he would have to swear allegiance to the sovereign.

According to Mr Icke's beliefs, the world is ruled by a secret group of illuminati, a race of shape-shifting reptilian humanoids known as the Babylonian Brotherhood. Among their number are President Bush, Boxcar Willie and, of course, the Queen.

Mr Icke launched his campaign with a surprise announcement live on Kerrang! Radio earlier this week, telling listeners that he had been inspired by Mr Davis's decision to resign his Commons seat as a matter or principle over the Government's handling of the 42-day terror detention Bill.

“It’s something I absolutely applaud," Mr Icke said. “I’m not standing against him because my worst nightmare would be to go into Parliament, into that web of deceit, lies and corruption.

“Although theoretically you’re voted to become an MP by the people, you have to pledge allegiance to the Queen before you can take that seat.

"I don’t pledge allegiance to anyone or anything except my own conscience - certainly not to a woman who appears to spend most of her life with a face like a smacked a***.”

Mr Icke's campaign in the East Yorkshire constituency will focus instead on warning voters about the approach of a "global Orwellian state", not unlike the Big Brother fears raised by Mr Davis.

If the good people of Haltemprice do not warm to Mr Icke, they will have no shortage of other candidates to choose from: there are a total of 26 including the former Shadow Home Secretary.

The most attractive has to be Gemma Garrett, Miss Great Britain, who is representing the Miss Great Britain Party. Ms Garrett's last attempt to "put the beauty back into politics" was at last month's Crewe and Nantwich by-election when she came tenth of ten candidates with just 113 votes.

The clear favourite, of course, will be Mr Davis himself, who officially launched his campaign today by outlining "10 policies to protect British freedom".

Mr Davis put reversing the 42 days pre-charge detention plans at the top of his list, followed by scrapping ID cards.

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