It is common now to say that Gordon Brown is a poor public speaker. While it’s true that he’s no Pericles, that’s not quite precise enough. Mr Brown is not such a bad speaker but he is a truly dreadful writer.

Writing conference speeches is like all writing: the trick is knowing what to leave out. A conference speech poses a particular technical challenge. What is the elusive thread that links local government finance and the future of Afghanistan? Any central idea is always teetering on the brink of absurdity. Fail to have one, though, and you offer up a shopping list.

So the first point is to be sure what the first point is. Like a film, the first still needs to define the whole thing. Like a symphony, it needs to end in the same place. And the most vivid phrase needs to be the main point. To be or not to be – that was his question. What is yours? This is the make-or-break question: what are you for?

For the rest, Mr Brown has to surprise us. The likelihood is that he will spring policies from hats. He should be personally generous to David Cameron. He should paint the Tories as they now are, not as he wishes them to be.

Speakers say a lot before they say a word. Mr Brown could make the lyrics to Agadoo sound like the Red Book. That sounds like an insult but isn’t. It means he has gravity without even trying. He should, on no account, mention his school motto. It’s not trying his utmost that is the point: it’s what he’s trying his utmost to do.

Phil Collins is a former speech writer for Tony Blair

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