Have I got news for you. Yes, BREAKING NEWS, as they say on the rolling television channels, from PMQs. First, Gordon Brown, master of immodesty, has revealed what he thinks about himself. Second, Nick Clegg has shown that if there is a banana skin in the building he will find it, slip on it and then look down at it accusingly.

Gordon seems increasingly distracted these days and yesterday, as he scanned his briefing papers, he looked unprepared. This is not good. Tony Blair, on the day he left the Commons, said of PMQs: “From the first until the last I have never stopped fearing it. The tingling apprehension I felt at three minutes to 12 today I felt as much ten years ago.” I don't think Gordon feels the same. He's an intellectual: they don't tingle, they just think about people who do.

Gordon arrived armed only with an unshakeable faith in himself. The Chief Whip, Nick Brown, who was chewing gum so energetically that I feared for his jaw, caters to this by encouraging obsequious questions. PMQs began with one that Gordon preened as he answered: “We led the way in recapitalising the banks. We led the way in arguing for fiscal expansion. We will be leading the way in the next few days.”

The Prime Minister, who may think it is normal to beat his breast like a silverback gorilla, looked pleased. David Cameron jumped up to note that, actually, the recapitalised banks won't lend money to real people. “Do you accept that, on those terms, your recapitalisation has failed?” he demanded.

Gordon hated that and began to boom: “We not only saved the world ...”

This brought screams of joy from the Tories. The PM looked irritated. A Mexican wave of hysteria was engulfing the Commons while Gordon Brown stood, as stony faced as a statue. The Cabinet was doing its best not to laugh. (I saw Jacqui Smith smiling: she will have to be culled.)

He tried to recover. “Uh, saved the banks, ah, ah, saved the banks and led the way. We not only saved the banks ...” At this the crowd was chanting “More! More!” The Speaker cried “Order!” Finally Gordon, who can seem quite fey, flounced: “The opposition may not LIKE the fact that we led the world in saving the banking system, but we did.”

Dave crowed: “It's now on the record! He's so busy saving the world, he's forgotten about the businesses in the country he is supposed to be governing!”

Cue more hysteria. MPs seem giddy these days. Certainly they lost any sense of the outside world when Nick Clegg got up and said: “Recently a single mother with small children came to see me ...”

A dirty sneering hoot ripped round the Chamber and we all knew it had its source in Mr Clegg's claim that he had slept with 30 women. A Tory shouted “Thirty-one!” Jack Straw, the Lord Chancellor no less, held up a hand, ticking off his fingers.

“Order!” cried the Speaker without any impact.

The PM, laudably, almost kept a straight face and the Lib Dem leader, who was manfully trying to pretend that nothing was happening, hit out at him. “I know you think you are Atlas carrying the world on your shoulders ...” he carped, not realising perhaps that it really isn't Eros's place to do so. At this, I can tell you, Atlas shrugged.

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