The citizens’ revolt began with a parody. Standing outside the House of Commons, wearing a top hat and holding a megaphone, Professor Chris Knight adopted the tone of a returning officer.

“Margaret Moran, Labour, £22,500: dry rot fraud,” he said. “Douglas Hogg, Conservative, £2,200: moat cleaning fraud. David Willets, Conservative, £115: light bulb fraud.”

On their first day back after the parliamentary recess, Professor Knight was here to perform citizen’s arrests on wayward MPs.

You might remember Professor Knight from the G20 protests, when he was suspended from his job at the University of East London after warning that bankers would “hang from lampposts”.

Today, though, he had a new target. “These MPs have admitted their guilt, we know they are criminals,” he told The Times. “It is part of English law that citizens can identify criminals and perform an arrest.”

He and his fellow anarchists — wavering in numbers between four and half a dozen — had the rhetoric (“We can suggest second homes for them — how about Belmarsh?”). They had the handcuffs (plastic). What they didn’t have was the political knowledge.

A car pulled into the House of Commons driveway. “This could be an MP. Does anyone know if this is an MP?” Professor Knight shouted excitedly. “Are you a fraudster?” he asked the occupant through a megaphone, as the police formed a corridor. “Are you a criminal? Are you Hazel Blears?”

The occupant of the car continued staring straight ahead as he drove past.

In the fuss, they realised that they might have let David Willetts pass. The Wintertons, though, were spotted just in time. Nicholas and Ann, both of whom have been criticised over expenses claims, sped up in a large black Range Rover. There was not enough muscle to get past the police cordon and apply plastic handcuffs.

“That was a complete disgrace,” Professor Knight told a policeman, impotently. “Why didn’t you arrest them?” Someone else appealed for help from the passing public — mainly Spanish exchange students and civil servants: “Don’t walk by, we need to arrest these people. Will you help save British democracy?”

“No,” a woman in a flowery dress replied. “We’re from the WI.”

And then it looked as if it might all be over — and not because of an absence of some stern Women’s Institute slow handclapping. A police van pulled over and a dozen officers emerged. Professor Knight was undeterred.

“This is very encouraging,” he told The Times. “There are, after all, a lot of criminals here.”

The police weren’t interested in the MPs. They told the protesters it was time to leave.

The citizens’ revolt was defeated. Like all failed revolutions, there was only one option left. “Right, regroup in the pub,” Professor Knight suggested.

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