I HESITATE to provide yet more worrying news about the Home Office. We all know, thanks to the ray of sunshine that is the new Home Secretary, John Reid, that it is not “fit for purpose”. Yesterday, at Home Office Questions, I found myself wondering if it could ever be fit for anything at all.

The reason for this despair was Joan Ryan. She is the junior minister responsible for the introduction of the government policy of ID cards.

Actually, junior makes her sound too senior. She is more at pre-school levels. What was John Reid thinking? I would not put her in charge of lawnmowing, much less anything else. I am sure that when faced with the vexed mowing question of “stripes or no stripes” she would have to set up a public-private working group and report back next year.

The subject of ID cards causes unrest in the Commons these days. No one is really sure it will happen, no matter what the Prime Minister says — or perhaps exactly because it is he who is so very keen. Perhaps that may be why Mr Reid chose not to answer the question himself yesterday. It was cruel of Mr Reid, for he and his pre-school minister share initials but little else.

Nick Clegg, the man who will one day rule the Liberal Democrats, asked whether holding so much personal data in one place on the ID card database wasn’t an open invitation to criminals.

Ms Ryan announced that the most important thing about the ID cards is to “get it right”. (Surely, given the Government’s IT record, that should be “not get it spectacularly wrong”?) She then added:

“He will know that we are seeking to move to a procurement timetable and he will also know that we have taken extensive soundings with the market and that a large number of those soundings have given us very sound advice and I hope to be able to publish them (sic) soundings very shortly.”

Does that make you feel better? Things began to go seriously awry when the Tory backbencher David “T. C.” Davies asked what she was doing about those Labour Party donors who had expected to get new identities in the honours list. “They now find that their proposed new identities have been grievously snatched away . . .”

“Order!” cried the Speaker. Ms Ryan, who had been peering at T. C. as if trying to memorise his biometrics, looked quite startled. I think she was on the verge of setting up a working group.

The Shadow Home Secretary, David “D. D.” Davis, jumped up, exuding his usual ridiculous amount of misplaced machismo. “Since we are talking about ID theft, I would stress I am the other David Davis!” Everyone laughed, which just goes to show how tense it was. D. D. said that the Government claimed that ID fraud costs the banks £504.8 million a year, but the banks said £37 million. Who was right? “It costs the banks a great deal of money,” Ms Ryan said.

D. D. then announced that experts say that ID cards brought a danger of massive fraud. “Can the Minister guarantee that the ID card will be 100 per cent secure against fraud. Yes or no?” Mr Reid barked something at Ms Ryan to say. She stood up but was visibly struggling with her own thoughts. “It seems to me that the Right Honourable gentleman might very well next blame burglary on burglar alarms,” she said. “It is quite a ridiculous contention. Could anybody say anything is 100 per cent secure? You would have every reason to be sceptical if anybody stood up here and said such a thing.”

Actually, I am not sure that it would be possible to get more sceptical. Ms Ryan’s voice was beginning to squawk. Her last words, which faded away as she sat down, were that ID cards were “a valid and viable way forward”. We’ll see.

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