It has been a stinker of a year in the Manure Parliament and so there was something magnificently defiant about The Spectator Parliamentarian of the Year Awards yesterday, held in true pre-expenses scandal style over a lunch of filet mignon and champagne under the twinkling chandeliers of Claridge’s.

The guest of honour was bicycling BoJo, chaos incarnate, who began by praising the “heroic defiance” of an event honouring politicians. “I want to congratulate the MPs — all of us!” he said, hair like a whirligig. “I want to give all MPs a massive plug — of course, unlike Jacqui Smith, I wouldn’t dream of claiming 88p for it! — for the chaotic handling of the expenses scandal. Shambolic! It has brilliantly diverted — brilliantly! — the media and public anger away from the financial services industry of London!”

He stopped to splutter and flop. “Like Clint Eastwood, like The Bodyguard, we politicians have hurled ourselves in the line of fire, we have taken a bullet for the bankers!” Boris, gushing, shouted: “Thank you MPs. Well done!”

MPs, who were having that rarest of things in these post-Manure days, a free lunch, laughed. This was gallows humour made effervescent by champagne bubbles. Here, then, were the award highlights, and, in the spirit of transparency, I should say that I was one of the judges.

Newcomer of the Year: Ken Clarke, aged 69, face as rosy as a flower bed, said that he had wondered if he had won a Veteran of the Year gong. Ken had been brought back to shadow Lord Mandelson: “Some of the glitter has come off on me. You’ve made an old man very happy.”

Peer of the Year: Baroness Warsi, the woman who took on Nick Griffin on Question Time, reminded us that she’d also been given the “Sexiest woman in the Lords” award. “But as I still have my own teeth, actually, that’s no great feat.”

Resignation of the Year was James Purnell, who left Gordon’s Cabinet only to have no one follow him. “I’m a reverse Ken Clarke,” he announced. “I’m like a new-goner, not a newcomer.”

Survivor of the Year: Alistair Darling, the Chancellor. “Things were going absolutely fine until I walked into the door of No 11,” he said, even his eyebrows deadpan. He said that the last award he’d won had been when he was Transport Secretary, from Truckers Weekly for Most Boring MP. “I’ve been a politician for 20 odd years,” he said. “In the last year I’ve branched out. I’m now a banker as well!” It was, he noted, as dry as dandruff, a lethal combination.

Finally, the major gong of Politician of the Year went to Baron Mandelson of Foy and Hartlepool, whose title is way too long to write here. Slinky as silk, he glided up on stage, and said that he had much in common with Boris. They’d both worked in Brussels and had “very public” resignations. “And both of us share a driving ambition to do absolutely everything we can,” he said, tantalisingly slowly, “to undermine David Cameron!”

Boris gesticulated like a tic-tac man at the races: “Nonsense!”

Mandy crowed: “He protesteth too much!”

Lord Mandelson looked pleased. “I haven’t actually accumulated a new title — well — for some weeks now.”

I have to say it seemed appropriate that, on the last day of this parliamentary session, Mandy should get yet another title. It’s been his year, if no one else’s.

• Annus Horribilis by Ann Treneman is published by Gibson Square at £9.99. To order at £7.99, postage free, call The Times bookshop on 0845 2712134

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