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It is so bad that I have started to worry if he is going to make it through his bit without crying. Actually his voice broke twice yesterday but it was only nerves. So, yes, Ming is terrible but, to be fair, he has never been great. He didn’t have far to fall.
Mr Blair, on the other hand, used to own this half-hour. He was the king and he could hardly wait to get to the dispatch box and rip into the Tories. He would whip off his spectacles and go for it with his backbenchers roaring behind him like an ocean.
But the times they are a-changing, and how. Mr Blair was a pale imitation of his old self yesterday. He went through the motions but he knows, and we know, that things are not the same. In fact, I suspect that he knows that we know that he knows, if you know what I mean. There was hardly any real zip to his answers yesterday. He does not relish the fight the way he used to.
There is a theory that Mr Blair is mad, but I personally hope that he is paranoid, because I do think everyone is out to get him (and especially those closest to him). Yesterday he had to dodge a question about why his wife signed a copy of the Hutton report auctioned for charity. Then he dodged a question about his deputy John “Bizi” Prescott. But he spent most of his time explaining why John “Rambo” Reid says that everything is a shambles.
With friends like that, Mr Blair does not need enemies. But, of course, he does have enemies. They are called Tories. Part of the mix of what is happening at PMQs, and it really does seem to be a constantly changing fingerpainting these days, is that David Cameron is doing far better than anyone expected. And his backbenchers are behind him like never before.
Mr Cameron went on the attack over the Home Office, although Mr Blair kept insisting that things were so much better since the bad old Tory days. Mr Cameron struck swiftly at this: “To try and blame previous Conservative home secretaries just won’t wash. You’ll be blaming Sir Robert Peel next!” The Tories adored this (maybe you had to be there, but it was funny). Every time Mr Blair trotted out his predictable answers, the Tories taunted him with shouts of “More!”
It became so rowdy that the Speaker called for order. This only made the Tories roar with laughter. When Mr Blair next got up, the chamber was filled by susurrations. It was as if 1,000 librarians were on hand going “Shhhh”. The Speaker hated this. He shushed the shushers but, typically, he mistakenly thought they were hissers. “Order! I tell you this. Anybody hissing — I can’t find out who is hissing. My next move is to suspend the House,” he threatened. “The behaviour must improve.”
So this is what it has come to. Before Mr Blair would have figured out a way to shush the shushers himself. Now he has to be rescued by the Speaker. But there is one very small comfort left: he is, most definitely, better than Ming.
TONY BLAIR
Content: Attacked record of Conservative Government
Style: Subdued
Performance: Looked rather weary
Jokes: Just one — said he wished he was paid a footballer's salary
Score: 5/10
DAVID CAMERON
Content: Exploited John Reid’s attack on Home Office
Style: Looking more confident, learning to relax
Performance: Given easy target; used it to good effect
Jokes: Raised a laugh with reference to Robert Peel
Score: 8/10
SIR MENZIES CAMPBELL
Content: Urged firearms register and echoed Cameron on Home Office
Style: Still uncomfortable
Performance: Voice hoarse
Jokes: Nil
Score: 3/10
GREG HURST
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