SEAN CONNERY, Anthony Head, of Little Britain, and Al Pacino may not seem to have much in common, but they do share one distinction. The big three party leaders would like to be portrayed by them.

Connery was the definitive James Bond: brooding, earthy, unforgiving, dark, and, yes, a little misogynist. So who wants him for a body double? Step forward Charles Kennedy, who, without a hint of irony, said: “Sean Connery. An earlier Connery, something around the Goldfinger period.”

For years Anthony Head appeared in those yuppie romance advertisements for Nescafé Gold Blend, then became a star of the TV series Buffy the Vampire Slayer. He looked a delight in his fishnet stockings as Frank N. Furter in The Rocky Horror Show. Head is the Prime Minister in Little Britain.

So who else should he play but Tony Blair, who told easyJet inflight magazine that Head was his choice. “But without Sebastian, I think.” Sebastian has a crush on the PM, you see.

What about Al Pacino, the still centre of the Corleone clan in The Godfather, drinking only water, politely insisting that it’s only business, burning a hole in the screen and his enemies with a restrained brilliance? So why did Michael Howard choose Pacino? “Because he is my wife’s favourite actor.”

Who do you think should play them? Answers please to people@thetimes.co.uk. Champagne for the best entries.

Thatcher’s lap do

BARONESS THATCHER has performed many stunts in her 16 election campaigns, including lifting a calf, driving a tank and cooking a cake. At the age of 79 the Iron Lady has achieved another first. She went to a 1980s theme party fundraiser at Peter Stringfellow’s lap-dancing club.

An unfazed La Thatch — the dancers stayed out of sight — spent 90 minutes at the party before sweeping out to the strains of Wham’s Wake Me Up before You Go Go, one of the decade’s signature songs.

Hague on track

WILLIAM HAGUE, who has been criticised for taking a back seat for the past four years to earn money outside Westminster, is on the election trail again, although this time without his Save the Pound lorry. Hague plans to visit thirty-three seats over the next four weeks, mostly in Wales and his native Yorkshire, and to do a string of television interviews. He also likes Michael Howard’s “dog whistle” campaign. Not surprising, since Hague thought of it first.

PS

The Tories held their Scottish manifesto launch yesterday at Hampden Park, home of the nation’s football team. Journalists felt the venue was more than apt given that a win for either of them has been a long time coming.

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