Matthew Parris
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Peter Mandelson, codenamed “Bobby” by the Blair camp, rather as you might codename Rasputin "Kevin'' if you had found it necessary to enlist his skills, is a spin-doctor. Monday found him in a BBC studio, challenged to explain why Mr Blair was meeting opposition.
Opposition? Mr Mandelson begged to differ. There was no opposition. Most Labour delegates were Blairites but there was a group on whom the full truth of Blairism was still dawning. These, said Mandelson, were "Blairites in transition''. The implication was that some sort of re-education facility, a barracks with an electric fence and alsatians was being contemplated to help to speed the transition.
Yesterday we learnt that the camp may need to be larger than anticipated. The Blairites-in-transition are more numerous than supposed. They were, in fact, all over the shop, leaping up and down, banging the lectern, upholding the Red Flag and calling the leadership rude names. Obviously the transition is proving a little rough for them. It's a big jump from completely believing, to completely not believing everything you thought you did believe. The gymnastically challenged are finding this hard to do in two days. In the Clause 4 debate the strain showed.
As David Winnick, MP, (BiT) put it, could you imagine a Tory conference being informed that the Conservative Party no longer believed in the free market?
"Maybe we don't just need a minimum wage,'' shouted Jane Carron, another delegate, "maybe we need a maximum wage as well!'' Champagne Socialists quailed.
"I'll take the sister beside the aisle at block A,'' announced Robin Cook, from the Chair. This sister, Kali Mountford from Sheffield, made a fine speech, upholding the leadership's rights to discuss Clause Four then spoilt it by informing conference that she had voted for John Prescott as leader. Mr Prescott suppressed a grin and sat there looking like Desperate Dan digesting a particularly tasty hunk of cow pie.
Support for Mr Blair came from the deeply ambitious Denis MacShane, the new MP for Rotherham with a rascally smile and a left-wing past. He gets the prize for effrontery. "Top-down socialism never works,'' he said, meaning to refer to the Russian economy, but speaking in a debate about the most top-down thing that any Labour leader has tried since Gaitskell.
Last spoke Larry Whitty. His job was to wind up on a note helpful to the leadership. By coincidence, this was the point at which the leader joined the platform party. Normally he would have sent one of his clones (there is a whole squad of lookalikes, practising their grins backstage, and the man you think is Blair is often one of these sinister doppelgangers; the only way to tell is if Cherie holds hands with it), but yesterday's debate was judged too hot, even for a decoy.
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