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Thousands of children in Britain are being cared for by grandparents, aunts, older siblings or family friends, many of whom are providing a haven from violent or unstable homes.

The number of such arrangements is unknown because they tend to be unregulated, and carers could unwittingly be breaking the law by failing to register their agreements. After the case of Victoria Climbié, who was murdered while living with her great aunt, pressure was put on local authorities to make sure that children living apart from their parents were in a safe environment.

Action for Children, one of the charities that will benefit from this year's Times Christmas Appeal, says that most unregulated carers are well-intentioned and are trying to do what is best for the child in difficult circumstances.

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Kinship care allows children to live with a very close relative, for example a sister, who is encouraged to apply for a residence order. Private fostering is when a more distant relative or friend cares for a child. Action for Children estimates that more than 15,000 children are privately fostered, many of them unregistered, even though carers are legally required to inform the authorities.

The charity helps local councils, which must attempt to detect and register children who are being privately fostered, by making inquiries within the community. It then helps families with support, advice and practical help. In many cases the parent has alcohol or drug problems and is incapable of looking after the child. A relative steps in to help out and gradually ends up with full responsibility.

Tall Trees family centre in Hastings, East Sussex, is one of the places where Action for Children is providing support. It runs a grandparents' group and members include Angela Doyle,the carer of Mrs Doyle's four-year-old grandson, Danny (not his real name).

His mother has a drug problem, lives near by and visits her son sporadically. Mrs Doyle, a former laboratory assistant, has given up work to look after the boy. “When we first had Danny, we took him to the hospital for a check-over. They informed social services. We were just going to look after him - it was the natural thing to do - and didn't realise we needed to register it.

“Social services encouraged us to apply for a residence order, and the judge agreed. He's with us until his mother is better, and it's my decision when she has reached that point.”

The couple go to the grandparents' group at Tall Trees once a month. Mrs Doyle, 50, said: “I didn't realise there were so many grandparents in a similar situation. When it happens to you, you feel like you're the only one.

“We talk about everything and anything that we're going through. The organisers have brought in people from Addaction, the drug charity, to talk to us. We spoke to an ex-drug addict and what she told us helped us to understand the behaviour of drug users.

“We've also had visits from counsellors who provided us with strategies for coping. We also had a college student in who gave us massages and did our nails but mainly it's talking to other grandparents. Anything you ask them at the centre, they'll try to find out for you. They never let you down.”

Danny is a normal and happy child. He started school in September, and loves football, Spider-Man and Power Rangers. Mrs Doyle said: “Having him has changed our lives completely. We have to keep him occupied and he has to be put first. It's much more tiring than first time around, but easier because you know more and you're more patient.”

Vicky McDonald, a children and families adviser at Tall Trees, said: “It's our job to raise awareness and reach out to people. We do this by attending meetings with professionals such as social and health workers, liaising with local voluntary and charitable organisations and handing out leaflets in supermarkets and shopping centres, urging people to contact us for support.

“In a lot of cases the grandparent has stepped in rather than see the child going into local authority care. It's better for the child to be with someone familiar than with a foster family they don't know.”