Birmingham is a city of many virtues, but being beside the sea is not one of them.

It does not even have a decent river to speak of, and certainly nothing to match the Thames or the Seine. The meandering Rea is notoriously small and tricky to find, and Brum’s claim to have more canals than Venice would be at best hard to prove.

All the more surprising, therefore, that England’s second and severely landlocked city is embroiled in a row over which will be its best beach.

In an ambitious plan to emulate the Riviera, the city council has announced plans to create Plage Brum, spending £50,000 to dump a pile of sand, complete with parasols and palm trees, in inner-city Chamberlain Square, where the only water is the trickle of a fountain commemorating Joseph Chamberlain, the city’s great benefactor and creator of its piped drinking supply.

The news has stunned the management of the nearby Bullring shopping centre, which has its own plan for a £150,000 artificial beach, offering volleyball matches, live bands and fashion shows.

Bullring managers claimed yesterday that they had the idea first, and that the city council had stolen their plans. There was, they said, no room for two beaches in Birmingham.

“There is limited benefit to Birmingham if the city council simply replicates the Bullring beach,” they said, adding that they had held a confidential meeting with council officials in February at which they shared their plans openly.

“Bullring has significantly invested in the project to meet the £150,000 construction costs and promotional campaign,” Tim Walley, the general manager, said. “We hope that by making our objections more public Birmingham City Council will consider investing in an alternative venture.”

Beach bums on the city council immediately countered that they had had the idea first, and planned to copy the fake seashore on the banks of the Seine in Paris, which attracts three million visitors a year. They said that they had been in negotiations for nine months with the airline bmibaby to fund the beach, and with the BBC. Aiming for a cut above the bouncing flesh of beach volleyball, the council beach will have a giant television screen broadcasting ballet and opera.

Both attractions are scheduled to open in June and to operate throughout the summer with free admission.

Mike Whitby, leader of the council, refused to rise to the Bullring’s bait. “I am pleased that the Bullring want to run their own beach event, and wish them every success.”

The Bullring is no closer to the sea and no more likely to enjoy Mediterranean weather than Chamberlain Square. But it does have a water feature, floodlit at night, based on three giant cubes. More significantly, it boasts the first statue of Lord Nelson to be erected in Britain, in 1809.

The admiral certainly has more connections with the sea than does Birmingham, but he wasn’t really the type to be lounging about on the beach.

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