A hitch in the proceedings

Steve Hilton, the man widely regarded as the brains behind David Cameron, and his partner, Rachel Whetstone, are expecting a baby.

Hilton and Whetstone worked alongside Cameron in Conservative Central Office in the early 1990s. They are godparents to the Camerons’ first child and were recently reported to have bought a £2 million home in Oxfordshire close to Dave and Samantha.

They are not married, however. Which is awkward. Dave has been making Middle England-pleasing noises about the importance of married parents for many months. Tax incentives have been suggested. “We need a big cultural change,” he said this year, “in favour of marriage.”

Martin Scorsese, who has made films about Dylan and the Rolling Stones, has chosen George Harrison as his next subject. As well as being a musician, the Beatle was a film producer and an adherent of the Hare Krishna movement. In 1999 he fought a burglar in his home. How we hope that Scorsese, director of Taxi Driver and Goodfellas, dwells on this. “Are you looking at me, man?”

Shilpa Shetty has been stopped at Bombay airport by immigration officials miffed, in a complex legal sense, about that infamous snog. She was off to the Berlin opening of the musical Miss Bollywood, which lots of people have now heard of. There was no arrest, her spokesman explained: “Every time Shilpa leaves the country she has to show her paperwork, because of the Richard Gere thing.”

We have been trying, and failing, to get hold of a copy of the Party Conference Broadcast put out by the Labour Party on Wednesday night on ITV. Do drop us a line if you can confirm, as we have been led to believe, that when Gordon Brown promised to “fulfil pledges on education” and the words appeared on stone tablets behind him, “fulfil” was spelt “fulfull”.

Our blogging colleague Sam Coates describes two notes found on stage after the Labour conference. One was a reminder from Harriet Harman that “Margaret Becket” was the party’s first female deputy. The other read: “ Greg crime debate Westminster delegate – Chinese lady, yellow top MUST NOT BE CALLED bonkers speech about gun ownership.” Westminster lady, do get in touch.

Abi Titmuss (famed for taking her clothes off and doing unprintable things with John Leslie) has overhauled her image. “I’ve no fake fingernails, no fake tan, no fake hair,” she tells Sky Showbiz. “I’ve stopped drinking for six months. I’ve grown up. I’ve got more spiritual.” This wholesome role model is next to be seen in a drama on ITV2, playing a woman who tries to seduce Jesus.

Patrick Stewart played Jean-Luc Picard in Star Trek: the Next Generation for seven years (not counting films), and could plausibly have had enough of science fiction.

Not so. His phaser is now trained on a role in Doctor Who . “I have been a fan and deeply dismayed that I was never asked to be in it,” he says. Please, BBC. At least paint his head and use him as a planet.

The first rule of official blogging is a simple one: comment moderation. Had David Miliband remembered this, his new Foreign Office blog (blogs.fco.gov.uk) might not boast “Burmese General” saying, “Who voted for your PM?” and “Ed Miliband” saying, “They don’t know about your filthy habits”.

Postscript

If the UK press coverage of José Mourinho’s departure from Chelsea seemed over the top, spare a thought for Pedro Santana Lopes, the former Portuguese Prime Minister. A television interview in which he was defending the postponement of the general election was interrupted when coverage switched to the Special One’s arrival at Lisbon airport. A perturbed Lopes abandoned the interview.

Hillary Clinton can expect one less vote, according to the New York Post: that of Nino Selimaj. The Italian restaurateur has been told by Clinton’s office to remove from his restaurant window in the Big Apple a photograph of himself and Chelsea Clinton because it was displayed without her consent. “I’m heartbroken,” he told the newspaper. “Until this morning I would have voted for Hillary.”

Keira Knightley hates red carpet events and the bitchy comments that follow, she tells Allure magazine. “I have self-esteem problems. Everyone does,” she says. “You know, skinny people are allowed to feel s*** about themselves.” Solution? Comfort eat.

George Osborne and Charles Kennedy will be grilling Sue Lawley and Clive Anderson respectively (if not respectfully) at Cancer Research UK’s annual Turn the Tables affair. The event, at The Savoy Hotel on October 15, has raised more than £500,000 for the charity’s work since the first was held in 2000.

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