Too cheeky for Lembit

Revolt is in the air at the Houses of Parliament. Yesterday, we reported a new sign outside the Dispatch Box (a coffee shop) stating “Members have priority access at all times”. This was thanks to a ruling by MPs on the Administration Committee.

Now, the great Lembit Opik (t.h.b.) is leading a fightback on behalf of the little man. He, along with colleagues including his former boss Charles Kennedy, has tabled an Early Day Motion which “notes with astonishment” the new rules and calls for them to be overturned.

“If MPs have to wait two years for an election, they can wait two minutes for their cod and chips,” he tells us. “Plus, nobody wants to send their staff to get coffee, and be told it would be quicker if they got it themselves.”

It can be tough, coming to terms with the loss of a ministerial car. Yesterday, Lord Falconer of Thoroton (formerly the Lord Chancellor) was stopped by police en route to a lunch, accused of three motoring offences: using a mobile phone, stopping in a bicycle lane and another “white line” offence. Such wrongs should have earned him six points. Falconer, however, talked his way into a mere telling off, even though officers had no idea of his former high office. Lawyers, eh?

Backstage at The Times Cheltenham Literature Festival: A.A. Gill (of next door) and Andrew Marr (of the BBC) are each about to deliver a talk. “Have you seen your audience yet?” says Gill. “No,” says Marr. “I’ve seen mine,” says Gill, gloomily. “White heads as far as the eye can see. It’ll be a miracle if they all get out alive.” At which Marr smiles, politely, and trots off to address a throng of adoring teenagers.

Disappointment (at least on this desk) that only three of yesterday’s postBudget headlines involved mild puns around the name “Darling”. Full marks for effort to Daily Mirror for “Thank You Darling” and Daily Express for “You Must Be Joking, Darling”. Personally, we felt “Darling I Shrunk the Tax Cut”, in the Daily Star , to be somewhat overfussy.

This week is also the week of the Frankfurt Book Fair. Here, the literary agent Lesley Pollinger has let it be known that he expects bids to start at the £1 million mark for the (as yet unwritten) memoirs of Sir Roger Moore. “I’m not looking to dish dirt or recycle sleaze stories,” says the actor. Shame.

Cate Blanchett reprises her most famous role (elves aside) in the new Elizabeth: The Golden Age. Next year, she is to become artistic director of the Sydney Theatre Company. “I've had this wonderful dalliance with film and it's been very good to me,” she says, ominously. “But theatre has always been an escape hatch.”

Postscript

A very surprising lineup for the RSPCA’s Good Business restaurant award. Ethical eateries include Iglu (in Edinburgh), Cubana, Moshi Moshi and Leon (in and around London), The Swan Inn (near Hungerford) and McDonald’s (absolutely everywhere).

–– Kiefer Sutherland (aka Jack Bauer) is to serve a 48-day jail term for drink-driving and violating parole. Sentence has been deferred until the next series of 24 finishes filming. Which, curiously, won’t be tomorrow.

–– Maybe the figures don’t add up, after all. In Prime Minister’s Questions yesterday, the man so famed for his grasp of financial detail boasted that he had increased the minimum wage to £5.35 (an hour). He hasn’t. He has, in fact, increased it to £5.52.

–– Will they never learn? Also in PMQs, Gordon Brown remarked, gloatingly (has he another way?), that a mere 26 people had logged on to the Downing Street petitions website to request an election this year. This figure is now more than 200. (Current membership of the Facebook group “Am I the only person who doesn’t like David Cameron?” stands at 2,125.)

–– Is George W. Bush worried that he might embarrass his daughter at her impending wedding to Henry Hager? “He’s been dying for us to elope,” Jenna Bush told a talk show.

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