David Byers
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to The Sunday Times

Listen to Emma Clarke's new SatNav spoofs
The voiceover artist who lost her job telling millions of Underground users to "mind the gap" after publishing a host of spoof announcements on her website is to take a job telling drivers what to do on SatNav instead.
Tube bosses last month refused to provide any more work for Emma Clarke, 36, from Altrincham, after she criticised the system in a Sunday newspaper interview, and sent up her role by placing the fake broadcasts online.
Ms Clarke was quoted as saying that while living in Highgate, North London, she used to take the Tube every day, but had refused to use it any longer because it was "dreadful". She claims her comments had been taken out of context.
However, it emerged today that she had now been hired to serve drivers on SatNav, instead of Tube passengers.
"I'm really chuffed. This takes me overground from the train to the car. Who knows what's next - cable cars perhaps?" she told Times Online.
Her boss Michael Kornhauser, Managing Director ALK Technologies, which designs the CoPilot Live SatNav system, said that Ms Clarke had retained enthusiasm for her job despite the blow of losing her Underground contract.
"Emma has a great voice and a fantastic sense of humour. She has turned this situation around just by being herself," he said.
In one of the spoof Underground announcements published last month on her website, she said: “Here we are crammed again into a sweaty Tube carriage . . . If you are female, smile at the bloke next to you and make his day. He’s probably not had sex for months.”
Peeping Toms were singled out in another message when she said: “Would the passenger . . . pretending to read a paper but who is actually staring at that woman’s chest please stop. You’re not fooling anyone, you filthy pervert.”
The joke was not quite lost on the Tube bosses, who said that it was the criticism of the Tube system, rather than the spoof announcements, that sealed Ms Clarke’s fate.
Mind the gaffe: Ms Clarke’s spoofs
“Passengers are asked not to drop litter on the train. Please use the tramps provided”
“Passengers are reminded a smile is a friendship signal, not a sign of weakness”
“We would like to remind our American tourist friends that you are almost certainly talking too loudly”
“Would passengers filling in their Su Dokus please accept that they are just crosswords for the unimaginative and are not more impressive because they contain numbers.”
“Would the passenger in the pinstripe suit and £1,000 glasses who obviously works in the media please take one step forward on to the track”
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Good some humour in life, shame the faceless, humourless managers can not enjoy life. May be there too busy paying off the huge mortgage and the loan for the BMW they bought to imporess their neighbours to have a real life.
Learn to relax and live a little.
Jon, Owaka, New Zealand
Good old fashioned Brit humour. It would have made me laugh and brighten what must be a miserable day being pushed and shoved by the crowds. But there are still too many PC people in Britain today, but they are on the run as public opinion is turning against their silly existence.
B J Deller, Marbella, Spain
What a pity to have Ms Clarke away from TfL! Her wonderful comments certainly would have brightened my commute with unsmiling, pugnacious grumps who need a telling off every now and then.
Tristan, London,
After her bitchy comments about Londoners I for one won't be buying any product from ALK Technologies. I was hoping we might have heard the last of her!
Guy Cavendish, London,