Click here to see the
petition to make Jeremy Prime Minister
Some say he is the spawn of Beelzebub, put on Earth to lead mankind from the
slow lanes of righteousness on a wild, tyre-smoking ride to perdition.
Millions around the globe worship him and intone his heresies. His power
grows by the day and soon, if his British acolytes have their way, Jeremy
Clarkson will be installed as the next prime minister.
The 6ft 5in Top Gear presenter and Sunday Times columnist has until recently
been content to bestride the worlds of motoring, journalism and publishing.
But now more than 31,000 people, in thrall to Clarkson’s forthright opinions
and devilish charm, have signed a petition on the prime minister’s website
calling on Gordon Brown to step aside for the 47-year-old sage.
It may be sheer coincidence, of course, that the campaign was submitted by
someone called Joseph Dark. His followers’ idolatry is undisguised over on
the Facebook website, where an even bigger head of steam is building up.
More than 264,000 people have subscribed to a similar petition, which
states: “Clarkson is as close to a god [as] any mere mortal can get. His
straightforward nononsense attitude would make our country great once more.”
This is a man, remember, who in his column last weekend urged the Archbishop
of Canterbury to close down the Church of England with the words: “I tell
you this, beardie. Many, many more people have died in the name of God than
were killed in the name of Hitler.” This is a potential leader who has
compared getting behind the wheel of a Ford GT40 to “opening the Holy Grail
to find Cameron Diaz in there, naked and bored”.
The Clarkson effect is a modern phenomenon. Some 350m viewers worldwide tune
in to Top Gear, BBC2’s most popular programme, to watch the unholy trinity
of Clarkson and his sidekicks Richard (the Hamster) Hammond and James
(Captain Slow) May do violence to cars, play conkers with caravans and
indulge in blokey pranks. The multitudes devour his books: currently his
paperback And Another Thing is second in the Sunday Times bestseller list
and his latest tome, Don’t Stop Me Now, is the third hottest hardback.
The contagion affects all ages, from young boys who miraculously start reading
thanks to Clarkson, and teenage girls who giggle helplessly at his black
humour, to the old. Many express a powerlessness to resist. “Clarkson made
us do it,” wrote a couple who contributed £50 to the soldiers’ charity Help
for Heroes, which has raised £450,000 from Sunday Times readers since
Clarkson became its voluble patron.
“The Clarkson effect is incredible,” said Bryn Parry, the campaign’s
organiser. “When he put his weight behind us it became acceptable to support
the soldiers without implying that you were necessarily supporting the war.”
Clarkson outlined his political manifesto in The Sun yesterday. He plans to
begin by reversing all legislation made by Brown and Tony Blair since 1997 –
“transport, health, the war, the treatment of our soldiers, the EU, the
bloody environment, the hunting ban, the smoking ban, the endless tax
demands on motorists . . .”. Then he will break for lunch and a snooze
before going on holiday.
To many, a Clarkson regime sounds fun. But AA Gill, his friend and fellow
Sunday Times columnist, is compelled to disagree: “It couldn’t get any
wronger than having Jeremy in charge. I would have problems sending my child
to a nursery school that had Jeremy on the board of governors. I say this
with love and respect, but I just don’t want him ever to have a switch
that’s attached to anything.”
In Gill’s opinion, Clarkson’s “Canute-like” denial of global warming should
disqualify him from office: “He is the last man standing on the beach
commanding the glaciers’ melt waters to go back.” The only conceivable
advantage of having Clarkson as PM, Gill concedes, is that his wife,
Francie, might succeed him à la Hillary Clinton: “She’d be a fantastic prime
minister.” As the power behind the Clarkson throne, Francie brings order to
her husband’s hectic life, leaving him free to pursue his prolific writing
output in a converted stable block beside their large house in Chipping
Norton, Oxfordshire. Her explanation for the online petitions is that they
are the only protest vote that people get. “We haven’t got a Screaming Lord
Sutch any more. Jeremy represents the ‘none of the above’ category.”
Would he make a good prime minister? While not properly domesticated, she
ventures, he is a more rounded character than his popular image suggests:
“Yes, he’s opinionated and, yes, he does have habits which annoy me, like
leaving soggy cigarette ends by the sink, abandoning his socks under the
sofa and not replacing the loo roll. But he is a total pussycat underneath –
very sensitive and caring.” Visitors describe a harmonious household in
which Clarkson sets aside time for the upbringing of his three children,
Emily, 13, Finlo, 11, and Katya, 9. He has taught them to drive in his
grounds with the aim of taming their wilder instincts before they hit the
road. This is as well, for besides his Volvo C90, Mercedes and Lamborghini
Gallardo Spyder, the drive is usually cluttered with supercars on loan for
testing.
Francie met Clarkson while working as a successful recruitment consultant. “We
had mutual friends and ended up in the same restaurant one night. We had an
argument about whether it was better to be a man than a woman.” The couple
met again, “got drunk” and have been together ever since.
Clarkson has driven to the magnetic North Pole, dodged mortar rounds in Iraq
and flown upside down in fighter planes. But perhaps the former
public-school boy’s greatest achievement was tapping into the mind of the
common man.
He was born into a comfortable middle-class family in Doncaster; his parents,
Eddie and Shirley, sold Paddington Bear toys. At the fee-paying Repton
school in Derbyshire, he recalls, “fagging was brutal and I got bullied
horribly”, but so did all newcomers. He was a rebel who spent his spare time
visiting the local girls’ school and the pubs around Burton upon Trent. He
got nine O-levels but was expelled for mutinous behaviour 10 weeks before
his A-levels.
Public school taught him that “you never rat on your peers”. It is an
attitude, according to Gill, that has made Clarkson an “incredibly loyal”
friend: “He’s a continual teaser. It’s a very male thing – the exchange of
emotion between men by calling each other c****. Then there are flashes of
proper sweetness he hopes nobody will notice.”
After his first job as a Paddington Bear travelling salesman, Clarkson trained
on the Rotherham Advertiser, where he got the idea of syndicating motoring
columns. Launching his own motoring press agency in 1983, he moved to a
“vomitorium” pad in London, where unwary visitors got stuck to the carpet.
This background explains Clarkson’s meticulous approach to work, believes
Nicholas Rufford, editor of The Sunday Times’s InGear magazine: “He is an
old-school journalist who learnt his craft the hard way. He delivers copy on
time, word perfect, and can produce stories very quickly, even on a train.
His headed notepaper says, ‘Jeremy Clarkson, journalist’. That’s how he sees
himself.”
His first columns for Performance magazine revealed an effortlessly fluent
writer. The Top Gear job came about by accident when a BBC producer,
surrendering to the Clarkson effect, invited him onto the show. He presented
it from 1988 to 1999 and then again from 2002, when it was relaunched in a
new format.
Besides entertaining a lot of people, Britain’s biggest motormouth has put a
lot of noses out of joint. The “boring” Germans were not best pleased when
he said their cars “should be built with a sat nav that only goes to
Poland”. Nor were the Koreans when he reminded them that “a dog is not just
for Christmas. There should be some left over for Boxing Day”.
Is it passion or an act? “I care more about the colour of the gearknob on my
Mercedes SLK than the amount of carbon dioxide it produces,” Clarkson
proclaimed. But Gill reveals a dark secret of the Clarkson household: “In
his kitchen he scrupulously separates all his rubbish into recyclable and
nonrecyclable items.” And, Gill says: “He is far, far cleverer than he lets
on.”
Trouble with Clarkson he is all talk (even in the film Cars) he like most broadcasters have not got the bottle to tackle real issues such as Family Law in this country and the negative impact it has on families and the wider society as a whole " or should we just get in our cars and drive away?"
Dave Farmer, Broxbourne, England
Jeremy, when you make it to No.10 maybe you could do something about invalidity cars, it must be one of the biggest scams the govement subsidises!! costing a fortune.
They should all drive dayglo yellow Reliant Robins, 3 door 5 seat hatch back, 2nd class driving will always beat 1st class walking.
KEN SANTI, SEDGEFIELD, DURHAM
I wish I lived in the UK so I could vote for you! Ban speed cameras, up the maximum speed on the motorways...oh YEAH! Go get 'em, Tiger!
Sabrina, Sydney, Australia
Jeremy, you will always have my vote as you will be the best thing to happen to this country!! Bring back capital punishment for all those that don't behave!! I have signed several petitions to get you there!! Get that fat, clueless idiot of a PM out and Jeremy Clarkson in!!
Whooo fighting for you,all the way!! Don't forget to put James May and Richard Hammond in your cabinet though!
Nicholle, Somerset, England
Honestly Jeremy, you've got my vote. I have conditions that need to be addressed. Caravans, Bus Lanes, Bicycles, and Speed Cameras should be banned. The death penalty should be brought back for murderers, rapists and paedophiles should get life in prison and the removal of their genitals. And cut off all ties to the american warmongers.
Christopher Jordan, Newtownards, Northern Ireland
Well, Mario, I can understand what is worrying you about standing to attention at around 9:00 to publically proclaim our loyalty to the Crown. It is not often enough, is it?
Michael nncholas, Madrid, Spain
YO! JEREMY!!! The Archibishop of Canterbury has been given a standing ovation by the synod, you know, that meeting of the few members of the tufty club!!!
C'mon, Jeremy join the Sharia!!!
GAETANO PELLEGRINI, Slough, England
i gurrantee that i will vote for clarkson...even if he is representing labour party.
Shakur Omarzai, london, UK
That fact he speaks common sense puts him leagues above anyone else.
Anyone who disagrees with this assessment in my opinion is of the same ilk that has gotten this country the way it is. Grow some sense.
Mark, Skelmersdale, Lancs, UK
Yep, JC for PM can't be any worse than the bunch there already.
As for man-made global warming - the greenies don't like it because they know he's right there is no man-made global warming.
AndyL, Leeds,
We would vote for Clarkson - at least he has some common sense and is proud to be British.
stuart hardy, salisbury, uk
Clarkson For PM
I've been saying it all along!!
Go on Jeremy!!
C.Willey, Stockton-on-Tees,
JC for PM is spot on I'll apply to be his Chancellor.
Vic Collier Epsom England
Vic Collier, Epsom, Surrey
go on jeremy go for it what have you got to lose. Think of the hefty salary you could have not to mention all the huge expenses you could have. At least if you were PM we know you would get the job done and not lie about things you say you would do but never does, there would be no more sleeze we could all sleep at night knowing we have a knight in shining armour running this country with the british peoples interest as the forefront. Look at it this way you carnt make a bigger mess of things then the leader we have at present. THINK ABOUT IT.!!!!
pat, herts, england
If he makes it - I may even think about moving back to live and work in the UK. Until then no way.
Martin, Atlanta, USA
Plato....isn't he the guy on Fifth Gear?
Chris, Harrogate, North Yorkshire
He onces described real depression in one sentence with compassion and understanding, a real hero that knows.
Nick , Cornwall, Cornwall
Please please publicise this petition alongside the one to make him PM. Let's have a balanced choice:
http://petitions.pm.gov.uk/NoPMClarkson/
Richard
Richard Venn, woking, england
His statements are so contecious but so true.
He could never be a prime minister, he has too much common sense and tells it as it is.
John Anderson, Watford, Herts
I have to grudgingly admit I would have a clear choice if presented with Clarkson or Cameron.
At least Jezza is opinionated enough to wear his colours openly. Provided we are guaranteed that Piers Morgan will be appointed as the Brown to his Blair, ensuing that robust debate (and even the odd bout of fisticuffs) happens in Cabinet.
Roy Ellor, Manchester, UK
Jeremy Clarkson for PM ? - without doubt the sickest suggestion I've heard for a long time.
A man without any respect for others, none for genuine environmental concerns, whose attitude to driving may well have encouraged others to endanger their own (and other people's) lives and who seems to have nothing but contempt for anyone who isn't British.
The very last person we need to have ny power or influence !
Phil, Stoke-on-Trent, UK
Actually I'm going to add somebody else to this - Jamie Oliver should join JC in running the Country.
I never used to like JO, but he's grown into something to be proud of and his work with homeless kids alone means he's worthy of respect.
Paulo, Milton Keynes,
I love Top Gear precisely because it is often so OTT; as he is.
John , Berlin, Germany
If Clarkson became PM then two things would happen...
1. Global warming would get worse.
2. Everybody (especially foreign people) in the UK would be forced to stand up everyday at around 9am and pledge alligiance to the Queen.
No thanks.
Mario, Cheshunt,
Its a testament to this man's enduring popularity that he survivies and thrives on the pc bbc. Well done Jermemy and thanks for you support for the soldiers amongst other schemes.
But Repton isnt that a girl's school?
simon, london,
Though I disagree with much of what Jeremy stands for, he'd still be a breath of fresh air after the vile Blair and our current subprime minister.
Matt ODonnell, Guildford, UK
Lets get this show on the road - vote now!
Mike, Lodnon,
Big Ideas, Notormouth, full of Gusto about all that is good about Britain, sure he is not smooth, but what we need is a good bout of realism not polite touchy feely politics, I say give this man a Term and lets shake this rats nest up for a bit, and put us back on the map at The top of world power and influence, not as a lame American lapdog.
Dominic Tattersall, Burnley, England
Perhaps he should seiously consider having a brain transplant first!
He would do well to read the Times report on the death of Emma Fou. Article 2935510 it might make him rethink his attitude of "Cyclist Bad, Motorist Good"
Unfortunately, he is irresponsible in his utterances against cyclists. He would do well not to criticise that which he incapable of understanding.
Mike Christy, Stroud, Gloucestershire
"I'd rather vote for Piers Morgan and that's saying something! "
Gavin, what nonsense. Piers Morgan would never be voted for (thankfully, nor will Jeremy!) because everybody despises him and rightly so.
Everything Jeremy says should be taken with a pinch of salt -- especially because of the last statement -- but he talks sense a lot of the time and is a nice contrast to the conforming media. That's why people love him. He dares to say what the rest of us are secretly thinking.
Amber, Stevenage, UK
I'd much rather send Jeremy Clarkson in to 'negotiate' with our beloved partners in the EU than either Gordon Brown or David Cameron.
Donna Walker, Effingham, Surrey
I think Clarkson has the guts and the vision to transform Britain from a lost cause to a place worth fighting for.
Paul, abroad,
id vote for him, no more nonsense
mike byfield, rickmansworth,
The Clarkson profile was a joy to read and caused this particular reader many happy guffaws. However, the loudest guffaw was reserved for the brilliance of the nameless ( oh! do step forward for a bow!) layout editor who put the profile on top of the turgid 'new speak' of David Millipede - sorry! Millibrand - our haplas Foreigh Secretary
Peter Davies, Andover, Hants
JC is our Churchill.
He stands alone and defiant against the dark forces of PC, the EEC, new labour, feminism, the green party and rubbish cars.
He may be tongue in cheek about all this, but there has to be a line in the sand, and I'm with him all the way.
He would be a good opposition to Tony Blair's quest to be the new pope and leader of the EU.
John , Durham,
About that Liberal bloke that wants you dead - he's not the only one. Apparently Gordon Brown is also having a say about who he thinks deserves to live - and I'm guessing he will probably rate your lifestyle as being one that doesn't deserve treatment under the NHS (although I haven't seen the guidelines for what consitutes "not good enough for treatment" nor have a real understanding for who will be making the decision - probably some government created committee on "deservedness" - at least they'll have jobs and a pension - good oh!) .
John, Devon, devon
Hang on a bit! .... Is this the same Jeremy Clarkson who made public his Bank Account Details??
We don't need another financial whiz-kid who became Prime Minister!
Tony, Swanage, Dorset, UK
@Carlos Kleiber
"Clarkson has driven to the magnetic North Pole" - this is not the same as the North Pole and is variable over time.
"As of 2005 the North Magnetic Pole lay near Ellesmere Island in northern Canada at 82.7° N 114.4° W" says Wikipedia.
I'll take my anorak and leave.
SK, Lyon, France
Being a French citizen, I cannot sign the petition, but at heart I am an enthusiastic supporter of Mr Clarkson. I wish he could become Prime Minister and invade France one more time.
Grunberg, Paris, France
Love him to bits, wouldn't miss a column - but PM? that's a scary thought!
Libby Purves, now - her I'd vote for! Clarity of vision tempered with common sense and compassion - what more could we want?
Sue Burnett, Pontypridd, Wales
the recent top gear programme which pretended to show Clarkson's car trip to the North Pole appeared to be less than honest to me, the indicator (twice shown towards the end of the programme, they were daft enough not to disguise it) showed Clarkson to be 10 degrees South when he was supposed to be at the North Pole.
Would the BBC care to comment on the facts? was he REALLY at the North Pole?
Carlos Kleiber, London, UK
JC is brilliant - and the fact he is a friend of AA Gill, another brilliant & funny man, would make for an amazing duo - they should collaborate on a massive dissertation on the problems England is now facing and with their wit and intelligence it would be a huge hit.
We need irreverent, erudite & clever people like this - to tell it as it really is and puncture all the pompous PC asses that exist in that green and pleasant land. Thank heavens for JC - love his books and AA Gill's writing for the same reasons.
Jodie, Geneva, Switzerland
Jeremy, thank you for all the work you are doing for 'Help for Hero's'.
PS Top Gears great.
Graham, Fareham,
How about a campaign to nominate him as a "peoples' peer"
Ron, Cambridge,
The man is an ignorant, immature nerd. Typical failed public schoolboy who was lucky to be able to waste his education without having to get a proper career. I'd rather vote for Piers Morgan and that's saying something!
gavin, singapore, singapore
Make him envoy to country where the most modern vehicle he would get to ride should be Bullock-Cart. I hope people are not mad enough to even think JC for PM.
VK, London, London
he hs my vote for pm, we need someone with a pair of "cojones"
luv the books
martin
barcelona
martin , barcelona, spain
Jezza is a national treasure, an iconic figure but above all a real man ..... unlike those two Jessies: La Blair and La Brown!
Brian, Canterbury,
Simply proves what both Plato and Eduind Burke recognised, never give a sniff of power to the mob.
Eddie Reader, birmingham, england
Far, far cleverer - indeed. Love him. JC for PM for ever!
Julie, Devon,
Would Jeremy have time be be PM of Australia too?
Christopher Hanley, Melbourne, Australia