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STOP whingeing, Poms. As the British economy falters, Australia is launching its most aggressive campaign yet to attract a new generation of immigrants from Britain.
A recruitment drive by the state government of South Australia starts tomorrow with newspaper advertisements attacking life in Britain, with slogans such as "Sod London house prices" and "Screw working in Staines, hello Adelaide".
Fifty years after 1m Britons were lured down under with the £10 assisted-passage scheme, skilled tradespeople and professionals are once again being targeted. This time there will be no cheap flights or tickets for ocean liners but the promise that young people can buy a four-bedroom detached house on the beach with space for a swimming pool and "barbie" for as little as £200,000. In 2006 more than 200,000 Britons left the country to live abroad, and South Australia wants to snap up another 5,000 a year. Professionals in demand include chefs, butchers, physiotherapists, dentists and dermatologists. There is no upper age limit, but a points system based on job and parental status will in effect bar anyone over 45.
The slogans are the work of Bill Muirhead, a founder partner in the M & C Saatchi advertising firm, who has been appointed agent-general of South Australia. Muirhead, who was born in Adelaide, said: "It might appear we are being rude but a lot of things in Britain aren't good. You don't want to go to hospital in case you die of illness. It's fertile ground. We went for Staines because it sounds nasty too. I don't suppose the mayor of Staines is going to be too happy but it could easily have been Slough or Croydon."
South Australia is four times the size of Britain but has an ageing population of just 1.5m. David Travers, the state's migration expert at Australia House in London, said: "It's not like the old £10-a-pom days but we are very hungry for people as a resource. Australian states don't just compete against each other at cricket. We fight to get skills."
Chris Finch, a landscape gardener from Bracknell, Berkshire, who plans to emigrate to Adelaide with his wife Teenachk in June, said: "We think we can provide our future children with a better life."
Mike Rann, South Australia's premier, who was born in Sidcup, southeast London, and is the architect of the migration scheme,said: "If someone has a vision for what they want to do, it's much easier to do it here than in Britain. I'm the grandson of a dustman."
But Andrew Hirst, mayor of Spelthorne, the Surrey borough that includes Staines, said: "It's a great shame the Australians have to pick on Staines. It's an attractive riverside town with a lot more going for it than their weak beer. We have full employment and are close to both London and Windsor."
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Having researched over 200 great locations around Australia (Where To Retire In Australia books), it is essential that people do their homework to avoid heartache. Many UK readers have told us that they don't want to be 'old and cold' in the UK.
See: www.where2now.net
Jill Weeks, Melbourne, Australia
Argue with idiots and the people looking on may not be able to tell the difference.
People of England, don't come to RADelaide....don't ruin it for those of us lucky enough to live there already!
Tony, (R)Adelaide, South Australia
So much for Adelaide being the city to emigrate to.
The Mitsubishi Car company have jsut announced the closure of its plant there with the loss of 12oo jobs.
Beware and be careful if thinking of Oz. The sun does not put food on the table !!!!!!!!!
Peter Waller, Canberra on holiday from UK,
What school you went to and your accent counts for an awful lot in Adelaide! We seem to pride ourselves on having not such a rough accent. The first question any young Adelaidean asks another is 'what school did you go to?' When I first moved to London I discovered that 10% of girls from my final year at school were here too. It's not for the young, although that could have changed since I left. After I finished University there was a mass exodus of people in their early 20s fleeing to Sydney, then we came to London, most of those have now moved back to either Sydney or Melbourne, whilst I remain here. However now that I'm a little older and perhaps wiser I do start to think is not time to head home and see what it has to offer. there are so many things I will miss about this country though...
Sophie, London,
I find it quite funny that Australia is using "screw London house prices" as an advertising slogan considering that their own market is far more overpriced than the UK. Sydney houses were trading at 12 times average earnings until they started to back off, but here in Brisbane you're looking at anywhere around 8-9 times earnings - i.e. completely unaffordable. This country is not cheap, suffers from complete lack of competition and hence price pressure, but the weather's nice and the lefties haven't had time to go nuts with laws and taxation like the UK
Mark, Brisbane, Australia
Such a huge subject ... what suits someone won't suit someone else.
The main thing I remember from an extended visit to OZ on Government business was the comment of a British wife of an RAAF officer living east of Melbourne in "wine country": "If you like beer and barbecues, it's great, but there's nothing as up-market than Radio 2."
Nice weather, enjoy it.
Piers, St helier, Jersey
As soon as i've finished uni I'll definately be saying Hello to Adelaide, if they'll have me! Britain is falling apart in front of us and Australia has a far superior quality of life in every way. As the economy develops everything can only get better- and actually, for the record, its very few Australian's who emigrate here, far more Brit's go that way, and for obvious reasons.
Dan, Chelmsford, UK
From a Pom (not Whinging) on holiday.
Adelaide, a lovely city if you want to retire. It has not got the buzz of Sydney, Melbourne, Brisbane and even Canberra.
So Mike Rann is the Grandson of a dustman, so what ?.
The advertising with 'Sod' and 'Screw' will do nothing to attract the Pom at all. Most will probably find it offensive in the way presented. As I have travelled around, the normal speech of male Australians in the company of women has to contain swear words. They seem unable to make a sentence up without swearing.
Australia has a lot going for it, the weather has to be No1. The price of petrol (at the moment) No 2. Pom's should not be fooled into thinking it is a cheap country to live in because it is not.
A lot of things are far more expensive than UK . The wages in UK are far higher than Oz.
The standard of house building is very inferior to UK, no wonder they burn like they do.
As one Oz said, "If UK had Oz weather nobody would leave the UK".
Peter Waller, Canberra on holiday from UK,
It has ever been thus, for 175 years. Adelaide did well in the first hundred years but is currently a backwater, going nowhere, desperately in need of new blood. Perth and Western Australia is where it is happening, jobs for all, full employment, but property is thus expensive. The future is bright, the future is blue, it has not rained here since mid-December 2007. Smile!
Peter, Perth, Western Australia
Same here, if i had the chance i would go to.
The kiwis and aussis only come here for work experiance and are normally travelling through Europe.
Zak, London, UK
They could have picked on Swindon, Luton, Bracknell, Crawley, Mitcham, Streatham, Watford, Hemel Hempstead, Crewe, Wolverhampton, or any of at least 50 other festering dumps of sub-humanity. The fact that they picked on Staines as representative of all that is wrong with Britain under the socialist police state is coincidental.
M R Preston, Not Staines !, gb
If you hanker for mind-numbing suburban parochialism then Adelaide is for you. There's a reason why the UK, London in particular, is so full of us Australians!
Oliver, Brighton (ex Adelaide),
The majority of British people don't live in London and the south-east. Consequently, the cost of living is much lower and the quality of life much higher outside those areas. It's not as bad as it's portrayed!
Johnno, Paignton, Devon
give me Adelaide over Staines any day.
better weather, friendlier people and a more cost effective way of life.
Why so many Australian and Kiwi's move here is beyond me.
Nick , Woking, Surrey, UK
For those thinking about moving to Australia, I would say.... do it - don't hesitate. Life is too short and changing your life is challenging and exciting. There is an open road here for someone with some ideas and energy. What school you went to or what accent you have counts for nothing here.
Remember die with memories, not dreams.
As for me, my 9 years in New Zealand and Australia comes to an end in 2 weeks time. Gatwick becons. No regrets and I return to the Old Country, I believe, a better person.
Peter, Brisbane, Australia
Young people who travel on holiday come home to the UK and begin working not to save for a house here but to be able to return to Australia. I recently took my fiance to Australia to introduce him to the family (his first trip) and he felt exactly the same way: he couldn't believe the difference in lifestyle and, of course, the weather!
People in the migration industry like myself hear these kind of comments all the time! South Australia's approach may be slightly brash (in other words: Australian) but you can't accuse them of twisting the truth!
Veronika Hurbis, London,