Asda joins Jeremy Paxman in assault on M&S pants

According to The Times lawyer, wandering around Central London department stores wearing nothing but a pair of underpants does not constitute a criminal offence.

Someone should tell this to the floor manager at Marks & Spencer’s flagship Marble Arch store, whose unreasonable insistence that customers trying on underwear remain within the confines of the changing room area cut short a vital test as to the true quality of M&S pants.

Fortunately, his interference did not unduly disturb matters. Make no mistake, the M&S Real Cool cotton trunks surveyed by Which? justifiably outrank the Calvin Kleins, particularly as, at £5 a pop, they are a quarter of the price.

Mr Klein may have the cachet, the cool, and the ad men to make his clobber desirable but, speaking as one who spent an entire day prancing around in nothing but pants, Mr Marks and Mr Spencer offer a garment that is better, just.

Both products are comfortable, both look pretty good (although, not to judge by the pictures on the left). Both provide adequate support. But the M&S pants just feel more appropriate. It is as if they are cut for Everyman, rather than just the bulging brutes who adorn Calvin Klein posters. The old ladies looking through the M&S lingerie section liked them, too.

Never mind the best, though. Asda’s offering was by far the worst. Ill-fitting, rough to the touch and replete with a central seam that overdid the support. You’d be more comfortable with one of the store’s carrier bags wrapped around your crotch. At £1.75 these pants are good for nobody but the incontinent, being more economical to throw away than to wash.

Sadly, however, the pants I tried on were not thrown away. A store assistant said that she would mark them up as damaged, for resale.

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