Carla’s coincidental cover-up

Even more grunts and shrugs than usual from across the Channel as Christie’s in New York unveils a full-length nude portrait of Carla Bruni to be sold at auction. Nice timing. The newly respectable Mrs Sarkozy arrives in Britain today on the arm of that little bloke with the shoe lifts. A Christie’s spokesman denies that there is a link.

The silver print, which was taken by the photographer Michel Comte, is part of a collection owned by Gert Elfering, and is expected to fetch a mere £2,000. But here is a funny thing. The collection, which includes nudes of Kate Moss and Naomi Campbell, as well as portraits by Leni Riefenstahl, was previewed at Christie’s in London a few weeks ago and the Bruni picture, despite its glaring timeliness, was absent.

Puzzling. Why did the auction house, which is owned by François Pinault, who is a French billionaire and a close friend of Carla’s new chap, decide to leave it out?

Ken Dodd, on stage for a marathon five-hour show in Bournemouth, made reference to his well-known loathing of income tax (he once admitted to having £336,000 in suitcases in his attic). “Every time I see Gordon Brown on the telly,” he told his ageing audience, “I think, ‘I bought that suit’.” No wonder the PM has been looking somewhat dishevelled of late.

You’ve read the court transcript, now play the computer game. Some bright spark has created a fiendishly addictive tribute to that famous moment when Heather Mills managed to subdue the huge and terrifying mane of Fiona Shackleton (Sir Paul McCartney’s lawyer) with a carafe of water. Lose points if you hit the judge. See muccachucka.co.uk

Friends of the WAG Coleen McLoughlin told Hello! magazine last week that she would keep her own name after marrying Wayne Rooney. Now, Coleen tells Closer that she will not. We just felt that you should know. Paper of record, and all that.

Morrissey is to perform at the O2 Wireless Festival in Hyde Park on July 4. “It is, of course, the day when America celebrates it’s independence from Sidcup,” he says, grimly. “I shall do my utmost not to pull a sour face.”

In further Sarko news we are informed that sharp publicists for the Collins English Dictionary are so inspired by news of the French President’s last-minute English lessons that they have created a one-off edition for him, without terms that a Frenchman might find upsetting. No mention therein of what he would call bottes en caoutchouc.

Postscript

“My children are happily ensconced in a similar kind of school system,” says Hugh Laurie of Eton, his alma mater, to Saga. “But I wouldn’t say that I cleave to its traditions in my adult life. I’ve never attended a reunion, although I’m sure they have them, and I don’t go all misty-eyed when they play the old school song.”

— Indignation at Disney as an unknown Persian “prince” claims to be a front-runner for a starring role in Jerry Bruckheimer’s forthcoming movie, Prince of Persia: Sands of Time.

“Most people are fascinated that a real Persian with royal lineage could be hired to play this role,” the interloper, David K. Zandi, has told reporters. Orlando Bloom and Zac Efron are among other contenders.

— Pity Sir Alan Sugar, who is grossly misunderstood. “Unfortunately,” he tells Wales on Sunday about The Apprentice, “the BBC has categorised me as Mr Nasty. That’s what they want, so all the humour ends on the cutting-room floor.” Imagine it didn’t.

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